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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is poor form bordering on a bit cruel? (Child’s birthday cake)

287 replies

ElphabaTheGreen · 23/04/2019 19:21

Just took my DSs (6 & 4) to a school friend’s fifth birthday. This beautiful, huge, professionally-made cake was brought out and all children duly sang happy birthday and marvelled at this kids’ dream of a cake (it was covered in rainbow icing, glitter and actual swirly lollipops, for crying out loud). The cake was then boxed up uncut and taken home at the end of the party by the family - it was not sliced up and distributed to the party guests. There wasn’t even a cheaper cake offered as an alternative. DS1 was fuming and I had a hard time trying to be diplomatic about it and coming up with a reasonable explanation. DS2 was so tanked on Haribo he wasn’t too bothered.

Now, I’m a little bit forrin (Australian) and have always found the piece of cake in a napkin in the party bag a bit odd and British (we just eat the cake at the party in Australia) but this complete cake denial is new. Cruel and new.

AIBU? Or is this just a British cake-withholding custom I have not yet been exposed to?

OP posts:
rosydreams · 24/04/2019 00:19

i think its just cruel to kids, they could have at least got them a cheapo tray cake from a supermarket and given them something.

Rezie · 24/04/2019 00:31

I'm new to UK...people don't eat cake at the party but put them in party bags? Wow, learning something new every day.

AlunWynsKnee · 24/04/2019 00:45

Cake's gone home in party bags since the 70s at least. No point serving it to them at the party, they're all stuffed with cocktail sausages, jaffa cakes and party rings.
They need a top up when the sugar level drops once they get home Grin
Stunt cake and no substitute cake is very bad form.

dreichuplands · 24/04/2019 00:54

Party rings! My dc valued them much more than cake.

DaisyDreaming · 24/04/2019 01:03

Rezie- it’s tradition to put a slice of cake wrapped in a paper napkin in a party bag to take home. It’s part of the tradition for the jam to leak through, the paper napkin go greasy and the cake get squished. God knows where this tradition has come from or who thought it was a good idea!

Purpletigers · 24/04/2019 01:16

I’ve know someone do this . Fancy cake to be displayed at the party and then taken home for a family party . They did at least have another cake pre cut for the party bags . It’s all for show and frankly rather sad .
I’ve always cut the cake and offered it to the kids whilst still at the party , if they don’t eat it they can take it home .

Purpletigers · 24/04/2019 01:21

I don’t give party bags either .

InionEile · 24/04/2019 01:31

This did happen at one kids birthday party I took my DD to. There was an elaborate iced birthday cake with decorations that they used for photos BUT - crucially - they had individual cupcakes for each party guest to eat instead of slices of cake so it didn't bother me. Having an elaborate cake and not even offering a substitute cake or cupcakes or anything to the guests is odd. Maybe they thought they would spare all the parents the sugar-hyped kids later?? Trying to assume the best of their intentions but... definitely odd.

WTFisThat · 24/04/2019 01:44

Fucking hell that's child abuse afaic! Do you know where they live? If so I'd be going round, breaking in and taking the whole fucking thing 🎂🎂🎂

Aprillygirl · 24/04/2019 05:46

What that's just fucking crazy! Even if they'd offered the kids a piece of a less extravagant cake I would still be Confused. It's like 'look kids,here's what you could have had if we liked you but we don't so you're getting fuck all.' It's ostentatious bullshit and will no doubt become a trend amongst the no knicker brigade who only ever do things for likes on SM Hmm

farmergilesnomore · 24/04/2019 06:37

I remember as a child about 30 years ago going to a party and the mother had made such a fabulous cake which really had the wow factor back then. It was a pudding bowl type cake as a meringue style dress and a barbie in the middle. The icing was gorgeous to look at and I remember the mum doing a big song and dance about it, we could not wait to get through the games to get a bit. Well the cake stayed on display and the parents were called in at pick up to see it, the mum then went on about there being 6 whole eggs in the recipe so she wasn't prepared to share it with children, they were going to have a family party and enjoy it then Hmm

squeekums · 24/04/2019 07:35

How pathetic, a fake cake? Lame
Wouldn't dream of doing that. Dd last 2 birthdays I've make a shopkin and a unicorn for her cakes, came out well, even if I do say so myself but half the fun of them is the cutting them open to see the inside and eat it.

Not having cake at all is just inhumane

Cake is to be eaten at the party or taken on a plate home. Party bags have varied contents from lollies, chocolates stickers, a yoyo or bouncy ball type toy.
Some people do parties so wrong lol

Skittlesandbeer · 24/04/2019 08:25

Haven’t RTFT, so this may have been mentioned already.

Wondering how they’d react if you gave them a beautifully wrapped present box, with nothing inside. Since things are all for show, and all.

Jokes aside, I’d have had trouble not making an innocent comment, along the lines of ‘Sorry, was busy outside with the kids just now, where do I get a piece of that wonderful cake? Can’t wait to taste it, someone went to a lot of trouble.’ etc

Do it for the community, I say. We don’t want this CFery catching on and becoming the norm! What’s next? Stay at your own house and log into the party on FaceTime?

Buddytheelf85 · 24/04/2019 08:53

It’s weird, but I’m not sure I’d say it’s ‘cruel’ - we are talking about cake.

KittyInTheCradle · 24/04/2019 08:59

I don't think it's cruel either, I just think it's totally ridiculous and missing the point of cake - which is to eat it!

DeputyDawg69 · 24/04/2019 09:01

I've seen this done at a few parties. It is usually done by someone with a massive opinion of themselves who likes to out-cake the other parents.

For DC, the cake is a massive part of the party. So what if you have to dish it out. Give your MIL a job to do.

I can make fancy Cakes and I'd never dream of not cutting it up and sharing it around to the parents too.

I've been to loads of Aussie parties and they are the best. Still not sure about Fairy Bread, but happy to let my DC enjoy it.

BarbaraofSevillle · 24/04/2019 09:03

Whatever happened to the good old caterpillar cake

Exactly. The show cake sounds spectacular, but I'm sure people would rather have a lesser cake that they could actually eat a slice of? And who doesn't love Colin and Connie?

And yes it is bloody cruel, tempting innocent little children with cake, that is whisked away from them, never to be seen again. They'll be traumatised, every last one of them.

It's a party. You get a slice of cake. It's the law.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 24/04/2019 09:06

I think it's mean not to give them anything, and it's not really fair to show off to littles and celebrate with a fancy cake if you aren't prepared to serve butcher it. Small children show simple but flawless logic- if you make a big point of showing me an amazing cake, presumably I'm having it and it will taste amazing. Chekovs cake, if you will GrinCake.

The only mum in my year that used fake cake would give out a sponge birthday cake to go home with. Could tell because the icing was nicer than on the fake cake- which we were barely allowed near, presumably so no one could dismantle it.

OhMyGodTheyKilledKenny · 24/04/2019 09:11

Post on the WhatsApp group about the flavour or colour of the cake underneath the icing to see what response you get

eg " The cake looked amazing! Tell me, was it rainbow coloured underneath the icing too ?"

or "What an amazing looking cake. Did it taste as good as it looked?"

AhhhHereItGoes · 24/04/2019 09:22

We had DD1s party a few weeks ago. Although I did have family to help, the other parents naturally chipped in.

I also asked (only 8 kids other than DD) if they'd like in the bag or to eat now. I also offered tea/coffee and some cake to parents.

I'd honestly not know what to say in your situation. I don't think I'd becas brave as you though.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 24/04/2019 09:24

I have taken the birthday cake to the kids's party just for the blowing out of the candles and then taken it home to repeat the candle blowing the next day at the separate smaller family party.

But I made cupcake versions of the big cake and gave each child one to take home in a nice mini cake box.

Never heard of kids going home without a piece of cake before.

PeapodBurgundy · 24/04/2019 09:31

@AngelsWithSilverWings glad I'm not the only one who does it this way!

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 24/04/2019 09:47

I think that's a lovely way to do it, Angel. Matching cupcakes means they take home the same cake. Smile

Freaking0ut · 24/04/2019 09:48

On the flip side, I can’t say I’ve ever really paid that much attention to what cake has been given to who at any of the parties I’ve taken my kids to. Neither have my children ever noticed which version of a cake they have or haven’t received.

And I’ve also just realised that I don’t have enough fucks to give about it either so it’s a win win Grin

BigChocFrenzy · 24/04/2019 09:58

UK late 1950s - 1960s, at all birthday parties I attended, the birthday cake was sliced & eaten at the party
Party bags hadn't been invented then
Much easier

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