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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is poor form bordering on a bit cruel? (Child’s birthday cake)

287 replies

ElphabaTheGreen · 23/04/2019 19:21

Just took my DSs (6 & 4) to a school friend’s fifth birthday. This beautiful, huge, professionally-made cake was brought out and all children duly sang happy birthday and marvelled at this kids’ dream of a cake (it was covered in rainbow icing, glitter and actual swirly lollipops, for crying out loud). The cake was then boxed up uncut and taken home at the end of the party by the family - it was not sliced up and distributed to the party guests. There wasn’t even a cheaper cake offered as an alternative. DS1 was fuming and I had a hard time trying to be diplomatic about it and coming up with a reasonable explanation. DS2 was so tanked on Haribo he wasn’t too bothered.

Now, I’m a little bit forrin (Australian) and have always found the piece of cake in a napkin in the party bag a bit odd and British (we just eat the cake at the party in Australia) but this complete cake denial is new. Cruel and new.

AIBU? Or is this just a British cake-withholding custom I have not yet been exposed to?

OP posts:
outpinked · 23/04/2019 22:24

YANBU, that’s very odd indeed. They should have at least bought a second cheaper cake for the children to take home.

HelpIcantfindaname · 23/04/2019 22:27

I've not cut my daughters cake at her party before. We have a big family, & she often has 2 parties...one for friends & one for family. We sometimes use the special cake at both parties, & whichever party is last is the one where it gets cut up. But there is always another cake to go in party bags if guests arent getting the special one.

dreichuplands · 23/04/2019 22:27

I had the small party cake for dc to blow out the candles I don't actually know any dc who were fussed about cake. They wanted party bag much more, they got the tray bake for tradition. Most party cakes aren't that nice to eat.

LimeKiwi · 23/04/2019 22:27

Stunt cake Grin I've heard it all now.
"Here's the cake, kids! You're not having any though."
Bonkers.

dreichuplands · 23/04/2019 22:28

But it is another Mumsnet rule I have unwittingly broken, the shame!

Erythronium · 23/04/2019 22:29

I was thinking about a dinner party with a massive roast and all the trimnings being brought out for everybody to admire DotforShort, then feeding everybody Asda fishfingers instead.

The family can then enjoy the roast later, use it for sandwiches and freeze the leftovers. Much easier than going to the trouble of carving it with guests there.

AmeriAnn · 23/04/2019 22:31

I thought this rudeness was a one-off but there are people posting here saying they do the same thing! Maybe it's a thing people do who are poor but still feel the need to show-off.

Tasteless on two different levels.

Here in the United States the children sit around a table, sing happy birthday, the birthday child blows out the candles, makes a wish and the cake is cut up and placed on plates for the children to eat, there and then.

I did this for both my children. I even took a huge Baskin-Robbins ice cream cake into my son's day care center for all the children to eat after they had their lunch. It was 'professionally' decorated with tractors and wot not as it was my son's 2nd birthday. The day care director turned the lights off and another lady brought the cake in, ablaze with two little candles. All the children and grown-ups sang 'Happy Birthday" and then tucked into the cake. I recall I'd bought a tiny little ice cream cake for my husband and other son to eat at home.

Birthday parties are for the kiddies.

Why send any type of cake home in a bag anyway? What's all that about?

checkingforballoons · 23/04/2019 22:31

I love this thread.
I’ll throw in my professional experience - it’s not unusual for me to work at four kids parties a week and I have NEVER encountered guests not being given any cake. I’ve seen lots of bizarre and twattish things, but never that Grin
Oh and people that bring a shop bought stunt cake to cut up - carry on. Much more civilised than ploughing ahead with a train wreck of a home made one.*

*Disclaimer - the majority of home made cakes are not train wrecks, but I have previously been handed actual liquid to ‘slice’.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 23/04/2019 22:33

Maybe it’s the new low sugar way of cake at parties?

See a cake and don’t eat it

LimeKiwi · 23/04/2019 22:36

Why send cake home in a bag anyway? What's that all about?

Perfectly normal in the UK @AmeriAnn - each child usually takes home a party bag.
Things in such as little party gifts eg balloon, pencil, stickers or whatever and a wrapped up in a napkin slice of the birthday cake.

MindyStClaire · 23/04/2019 22:48

Here in the United States the children sit around a table, sing happy birthday, the birthday child blows out the candles, makes a wish and the cake is cut up and placed on plates for the children to eat, there and then.

Same in Ireland too. I've read about the party bag bit on MN before, it blows my mind just a little bit.

dreichuplands · 23/04/2019 22:53

In the U.K. despite having two dc I have never been to a party that had a formal table for dc to sit round.
I have been to science parties, parties in woods, nerf gun parties, skating parties, trampoline parties ( actually that might have had a big table but no one sat at it), pamper parties, movie parties and disco in the village hall and others I have forgotten.
Anyway dc sing happy birthday and blow out candles but don't eat the cake then and there. They have usually eaten plenty of sweet things already.

dreichuplands · 23/04/2019 22:56

But thinking about it since being in the US dc don't bring cake home usually.

IamMoana · 23/04/2019 22:56

I've seen this done. Here, look at this amazing cake kids! Look on in wonder. But you can't have any! Swept away & a piece of Swiss roll in the party bag as the cake was being saved for 'family' at home later.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 23/04/2019 22:58

Fake cakes could be a sign of austerity, I'm sure wedding cakes during WWII were decorated boxes because people couldn't get the ingredients due to rationing. And I have seen wedding pictures recently from Italy, where the cake was a marvellous 5ft castle, made of polystyrene, purchased just for the photos.

When I was doing kid's birthday parties I made sure the little darlings consumed the thing I had lavished so much time on.

SoftSheen · 23/04/2019 23:00

YANBU. Very poor form.

Birthday cake is for the children attending the party. Not for the grown-ups to scoff afterwards (though they can have any leftovers, obviously).

If you want to serve a supermarket traybake, then it's absolutely fine- but in that case, put the candles on it! Don't pretend to the children that they're getting anything more fancy, as they will notice and complain on the way home.

User28817462737483899 · 23/04/2019 23:17

At DS(5) party I bought cup cakes for the take home bags, and was going to serve the main 'cake' after lunch. However, I actually forgot to cut up and serve the cake after all the happy birthdays were sung etc..!. I don't like cake and my DH is a health freak, so we ended up with a whole cake back home with us, which I believe DH ended up taking to work!!

Could the hosts simply have forgotten, like I did! ?

chocatoo · 23/04/2019 23:19

I’ve always thought the concept of cutting the cake, wrapping it and taking it home in a party bag is odd. At DDs parties we always cut it and served it at the party.

PlasmaRain · 23/04/2019 23:21

YANBU Op.Surely, it’s like the theatre rule whereby if you show a gun in the first act you have to use it by the end, so, if you display a birthday cake to the guests at a birthday party you should be obliged to distribute said cake to those guests. It is indeed cruel and unusual punishment to deprive people of cake when you have flaunted cake in front of them. When I rule the world people who do this weirdly tight-fisted thing will be publicly and liberally custard-pied.

theclockticksslowly · 23/04/2019 23:32

I’ve been to a party like this - professional very impressive cake paraded around then no cake at all in the bags Hmm

I’ve made two cakes before so as to not spend the last 20 minutes of the party rushing to cut cake for the bags. They haven’t been exact copies of each other - the one for the bags is the same type of cake with icing on and a bit of decoration but not quite as detailed as the one to be seen.

KittyInTheCradle · 24/04/2019 00:01

Oh... my goodness.

This is total MADNESS!

Rented cake? Stunt cake? Fake cake?

What is going on!!!

Just make the damn cake and serve it at the party! What is this lunacy!!!

KittyInTheCradle · 24/04/2019 00:04

Whatever happened to the good old caterpillar cake!

Sigh

Southlonmum · 24/04/2019 00:08

Never ever heard of or seen that....bizarre thing to do,!

BlackPrism · 24/04/2019 00:12

Maybe the PIL bought a cake but wanted to show it to family at the family do the next day so the parents thought ffs

whywhywhy6 · 24/04/2019 00:19

That is crazy!

Fake cakes? Tray bakes? Reusing the cake for a later party?Confused

It’s cake! It’s supposed to be eaten by the party guests.

The only reasonable explanation is, as a PP said, they forgot the knife, in which case I’d be loudly exclaiming we’d forgotten a knife and unfortunately the cake will need to be cut using some less ideal implement because...

Eating the birthday cake is essential. Obviously.

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