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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is poor form bordering on a bit cruel? (Child’s birthday cake)

287 replies

ElphabaTheGreen · 23/04/2019 19:21

Just took my DSs (6 & 4) to a school friend’s fifth birthday. This beautiful, huge, professionally-made cake was brought out and all children duly sang happy birthday and marvelled at this kids’ dream of a cake (it was covered in rainbow icing, glitter and actual swirly lollipops, for crying out loud). The cake was then boxed up uncut and taken home at the end of the party by the family - it was not sliced up and distributed to the party guests. There wasn’t even a cheaper cake offered as an alternative. DS1 was fuming and I had a hard time trying to be diplomatic about it and coming up with a reasonable explanation. DS2 was so tanked on Haribo he wasn’t too bothered.

Now, I’m a little bit forrin (Australian) and have always found the piece of cake in a napkin in the party bag a bit odd and British (we just eat the cake at the party in Australia) but this complete cake denial is new. Cruel and new.

AIBU? Or is this just a British cake-withholding custom I have not yet been exposed to?

OP posts:
VioletGlow · 28/04/2019 12:56

YANBU - If they were not wanting to cut the fancy cake at the party they should have offered an alternative. For DD's 1st birthday I had a big fancy 2 tier cake made that was extortionate. To avoid having to cut the cake in a rush after Happy Birthday was sang I gave everyone a fancy glitter cupcake in box (made by same baker) as they left and next day I cut the cake and delivered it to everyone who attended. That way I got a chance to get some pics of it before it got dismantled and everyone got massive piece to enjoy next day. Its just a poor show that your party provided no cake at all.

ambereeree · 28/04/2019 13:34

Oh i went to one and my daughter was crying when the fancy cake wasn't cut. It is cruel.

Babbsie · 28/04/2019 15:22

I’d probably tell my child to get over it and be grateful for the invite to the party they’d just been to, not complaining because he didn’t get something else. I get it’s not the norm but not exactly the end of the world. However I have also held a party at the house for 10 kids where we had a homemade main cake to sing HB with then they got matching cupcakes to take home in their party bags and we had the homemade cake with the family at a second party (family only) the next day. I figured the family would be the ones to appreciate the homemade cake and the kids at the party just want some cake. Maybe it’s controversial but I think all the politics/expectations that surround kids parties are pretty horrendous. Can’t wait until mine are too old for parties. In the mean time I’ll do what works for me.

MissUGirl · 28/04/2019 15:46

My cousin had a fake cake at his wedding. They got half the money back if they didn't scratch the icing.

In any case, I think it's tacky. If you want to give out cupcakes at a birthday party then why not put the candles in the cupcakes?

Erythronium · 28/04/2019 17:44

pretty horrendous

Expecting to eat birthday cake at a birthday party. Dreadful.

OP, you have to say something to the birthday-cake withholder. Find a way!

nelsonmuntzslingshot · 29/04/2019 16:34

I’d probably tell my child to get over it and be grateful for the invite to the party they’d just been to, not complaining because he didn’t get something else.

There’s always one Hmm Probably the same type that would preach their their child would be grateful for a bit of dog shit wrapped in a bow because “A child might have thoughtfully gone out into the garden and chosen that dog shit!”

Illy603 · 29/04/2019 17:08

Simply brought the cake out to impress and brag.

Too selfish to share with others. Your poor son. Surely one of the best parts of the party for a kid is having some of the cake!

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 29/04/2019 17:49

DW makes fantastically elaborate cakes, first for DD, then for the younger cousins. They are admired, photographed, and then cut up. Anything else would be twattish. Also, because they're basically Death by Chocolate, they get eaten.

GrumpyMummy123 · 01/05/2019 08:57

Yanbu

My 5yr likes parties mainly for the cake. Either while there or mushed up in a napkin when he gets home is fine. As is a very obviously (to adults) different cake served to what was distributed. (They want a particular cake but Sainsburys only have one to feed 12, but you have 30 kids etc. So bulk out with any other cake to make up numbers. That's fine!)

I could even excuse no cake at all. I've been to parties when time ran out and it got forgotten, dropped bringing into the venue from car etc...

But showing a cake and then not giving the children any?!! That's just mean.

drspouse · 01/05/2019 09:03

One of the benefits of a proper party venue is they cut up the cake for you.
I wish they'd be a bit more generous though as we don't need that much cake at home.
Precut tray bake is genius for a home party though. We use paper napkins in this neck of the woods though not cling film.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 01/05/2019 09:06

I’ve been to three kids’ birthday parties where this happened. No explanation, no acknowledgement. Just no cake.

It’s becoming a “thing” I tells ya!

minipie · 01/05/2019 09:10

Sounds very image centric and yes a bit cruel, or at best thoughtless. Who dangles an amazing looking cake under children’s noses and then doesn’t give them any??

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