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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is poor form bordering on a bit cruel? (Child’s birthday cake)

287 replies

ElphabaTheGreen · 23/04/2019 19:21

Just took my DSs (6 & 4) to a school friend’s fifth birthday. This beautiful, huge, professionally-made cake was brought out and all children duly sang happy birthday and marvelled at this kids’ dream of a cake (it was covered in rainbow icing, glitter and actual swirly lollipops, for crying out loud). The cake was then boxed up uncut and taken home at the end of the party by the family - it was not sliced up and distributed to the party guests. There wasn’t even a cheaper cake offered as an alternative. DS1 was fuming and I had a hard time trying to be diplomatic about it and coming up with a reasonable explanation. DS2 was so tanked on Haribo he wasn’t too bothered.

Now, I’m a little bit forrin (Australian) and have always found the piece of cake in a napkin in the party bag a bit odd and British (we just eat the cake at the party in Australia) but this complete cake denial is new. Cruel and new.

AIBU? Or is this just a British cake-withholding custom I have not yet been exposed to?

OP posts:
NewAccount270219 · 25/04/2019 15:19

I absolutely love shouldwestay's post - 'we had to have fake cake because our parties were so much better than everyone else's'. Alright then.

Original poster
ElphabaTheGreen · 25/04/2019 15:24

Springwalk

To think this is poor form bordering on a bit cruel? (Child’s birthday cake)
OP posts:
Original poster
ElphabaTheGreen · 25/04/2019 15:28

So yes, it was me, and I am sorry to all those that have been offended over the years. No one, literally no one has ever mentioned it....but maybe they were too polite

Mumsnet - smacking the scales off offending parents’ eyes since 2000 Grin

OP posts:
Skisunsnow · 25/04/2019 15:34

I'm a cake maker and often people order a fancy cake and cupcakes. The cupcakes are for handing out at the children's party as often they'll have a family birthday party too, maybe that's what happened but they just didn't bother with the cake or cupcakes for the party guests?

dreichuplands · 25/04/2019 16:29

Although guilty of candling one cake and dishing out another I've never done a fake cake.
But last night we were watching a cake decorating program on the food network and the cakes had a lot of cardboard, hydraulics and inedible paste. They were judged solely on how they looked. I don't think inedible cakes at parties are just a dc thing.

Springwalk · 25/04/2019 18:28

ElphabaTheGreen It is the very least I deserve - I have committed the sin no less than a staggering, eye watering 24 times!! The shame of it!

Burning at the stake seems a little generous of you if I am being honest. I can't think how many children's lives I have unwittingly ruined!!!Perhaps if I had drunk less wine and cut more cake, I could have avoided my fate as a party wrecker with no social skills or manners Grin

I am wondering how many other things I am failing at spectacularly......

Wine offending virtual Cake offered to you op.

idontknowmyusername · 25/04/2019 23:16

It is years since dd had a themed party yet still when I see her friends as teenagers they reminisce about the fun that they had and how no one else had parties which were as fun and memorable as hers.

😂😂 yes and being given a slice of cake would've ruined that. You don't need to wrap and put cake in party bags, chuck it on a plate and let them eat!

farmergilesnomore · 26/04/2019 06:25

We spend a long time creating really beautiful gifts to take home

I'm intrigued, OP. What are these such gifts?

HisNameIsJames · 26/04/2019 06:43

I always make a nice cake for dc’s birthdays. DC’s friends (teenagers) are more appreciative now than when they were little! When I’ve spent the time on it, I definitely want to see it eaten! When dc have been old enough for eating out for parties (Pizza express etc) we’ve served it as pudding (if ok with restaurant). When they were little we sent a piece home after the party (in a sandwich bag - not a napkin, ewww!)

I can understand getting cakes made as not everyone has the time or inclination for baking but then not sharing them when they cost so much is weird. Fake cakes are just sad and completely missing the point.

Springwalk · 26/04/2019 07:54

armergilesnomore We went through a very time consuming stage of my dds making each friend a friendship bracelet from scratch with their name on wooden beads, hand made necklaces, pom pom key rings made from wool, sun catches and dream catchers and fairy doors one year.
It went on for years as I have two dds. We made the fabric bags one year for the gifts to go in, other years we have stuck to seeds and a watering can with their friends name (that was my favourite year :)) Generally the party bags could take weeks and weeks in the making. Our friends used to comment how lovely they were, and my dds used to really enjoy doing them. Fortunately for me they are too old for party bags now and we don't have to do them!! I kind of miss it now.

Original poster
ElphabaTheGreen · 26/04/2019 19:40

Well now. The mum of cake-gate has just posted on the WhatsApp group asking if she can post the video of all our DCs singing Happy Birthday to her little darling AROUND THE BLOODY CAKE onto her family’s YouTube channel. So many things I could say. So many things. But I won’t because I’m a coward

OP posts:
Nottheduchess · 26/04/2019 20:54

You should totally comment on how nice it tastes!

Cryalot2 · 26/04/2019 21:13

Very odd, but I have seen the same with elaborate wedding cakes. All fake for show, but something else is usually provided instead.

whywhywhy6 · 27/04/2019 21:24

Say no! YouTube channel?! No!

adagio · 28/04/2019 08:52

You could always link the you tube clip to this thread Grin

YouJustDoYou · 28/04/2019 09:09

My friend, for her daughter's birthday, cut the icing off and just gave sponge out. A d even then kept saying "what a treat" the blank plain sponge was for all the children.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 28/04/2019 10:52

Cut the icing off!? But then you’d be left with a pile of icing which is far too sweet without the cake!

Dippypippy1980 · 28/04/2019 11:49

Say you have asked dc and the cheeky little imp has said only if I get a slice - then laugh it off!! Kids can be soooo funny.

mmgirish · 28/04/2019 12:00

That's mad! No cake? I live in SE Asia and at parties here (whether locals or expats) the cake is always eaten at the party by children and the adults at the party. Presents are never opened at the party though.

Holidayshopping · 28/04/2019 12:03

How tight are they?!

I think that’s really funny!! I would have had to say something!

iamkayleigh · 28/04/2019 12:06

It is really odd! But then I think spending upwards of £50 on cake is a bit ridiculous too

MyBlueMoonbeam · 28/04/2019 12:09

@ElphabaTheGreen

Dear God - is this woman a Kardashian Shock

celticprincess · 28/04/2019 12:18

I’m a bit split on this as my kids don’t really like the cakes they come home from parties with. I end up eating them if I’ve remembered before they’ve dried out. They always look amazing but not everyone loves the huge amount of icing or fondant on the cakes. Same with cupcakes. They usually asked me to take the icing off. Party cakes can be so expensive. It’s also possible that the OP was having a further family celebration and wanted the cake for that and didn’t want to buy 2 cakes. Agree that the supermarket tray bakes and cakes are a cheap alternative but not everyone likes the amount of additives put into them - I personally don’t mind but people do often tell me.

Preggo82 · 28/04/2019 12:26

That's mean doing that to kids! Maybe they forgot to add it to the party bag?

AnnieMay100 · 28/04/2019 12:51

Strange idea for a child’s party but I’d be more concerned by your child ‘fuming’ it’s not a right to have a slice of cake Hmm could have been a fake one or being held back for family only but agree they could have bought a cheap one for party bags