To wonder what the hell is going on with FIL and food?

[Moodyfoodie]

Have NC'd.
Would appreciate some perspective as starting to feel I am going a bit crazy. So visiting IL's (go to visit a few times a year, with DH and 2 small DC). So as.not to drip feed, FIL and I have clashed in personality pretty much since I met DH. He is an old fashioned, women should be seen and not heard type, I was an independent career woman when I met DH.
Anyway for the past couple of years we have all got along ok, for the sake of DC. No major issues and tolerated each other I would say.
So the past couple of times we've visited, IL have made a big meal for our family and BIL and SIL. I've noticed FIL will never offer me a drink, he will pointedly ask.SIL and BIL but not me. They'll serve a small portion of food and then if there's any leftovers, twice now FIL has made a huge point of actually standing up and asking SIL and BIL if they would like more, or just putting it on their plates, whilst completely ignoring myself and DH.

Last night we got a takeaway. I ordered a dish and we generally share everything. I put a small amount on my plate and thought I'll go back in a minute. At this point BIL gets a call from SIL and decides to go home. Said our goodbyes and that was that. Goes into the kitchen to find that FIL has given entire takeaway to BIL and SIL. So nothing left. Didn't bother asking myself and DH if we'd finished. I am not greedy but we'd had a small.plate each.

For context when they visit us I'll make them meals from scratch and offer drinks etc. as I think it's the polite thing to do if you've got guests.

They're cooking tonight and I'm honestly considering going to the local Mcdonalds, rather than sit there whilst FIL makes a big point of pointedly offering food and drink to everyone else. DH says he just 'doesn't think' but I feel like there is more to it. He's begging me not to go as it will cause an atmosphere but I feel FIL is doing that anyway, I feel quite unwelcome.

Understand this might sound petty and there.are bigger problems.in the world but really would appreciate some perspective.

So it looks as though DH has taken lessons from his father in how to control lippy women!
What do you make of it all Moody?

It's a reaction that attempts to stop you communicating with the outside world.... I'd be more than a little wary of that, frankly.

Glad you are talking, at least.

What a dick your DH is

I hope you get your DH problem sorted, tell him to remove the block he's put on MN!

I hope you make some progress, because your post about your DH getting really upset, made me think he is just as controlling as his dad

Your DH restricted what internet you can access? Is that right?

Nope. That is not acceptable.

I think as is often said round these parts. You have a DH problem! Anything else you've been thinking is odd or strange lately that he may also be controlling without your knowledge?

Not to be rude but he probably simply just doesn't like you. But it doesn't really matter. Just continue to be polite in each other's company and tolerate each other.

Wtf! trying to censor your internet access, he's treating you like a child,
I would negotiate extremely assertively with someone who treated me like that, like shape up or ship out or maybe just ship out you nasty piece of shit

Wait......I didn't take it as OP's husband blocked this site on wifi. I thought she was just saying her wifi was down. Do we actually know for sure OP's husband blocked the site? Or are we assuming? OP, are you saying your husband blocked this site on your wifi?

Luna
MN didn't block itself!!
I have been trying to get onto MN all day but site was down..just realised why. It was blocked on the Wi-Fi!! Just switched to 4G and it's here again. So not entirely sure what's happened but DH not happy that I've told people, albeit strangers to us.

Doesn't sound good OP.

I would speak in private to your sister'n'law and ask her advice - to get her on board - say I am wondering if I am getting this wrong but have you noticed FIL does this/does do this - why do you think he does that?
Hopefully she will pay more attention and call him out and he might find this more palatable. Save you getting your hands dirty and causing a rift.

I have actually experienced something similar with my MIL. She would always serve my BIL and SIL all the extra food. For example, tell me there is only enough bacon for the children, but then I would see that BIL and SIL were served bacon. It pissed me off. She would also always make sure to give their dc extra portions of food, before my own dc got their seconds (other dc would be on third portion and is already chubby....were as my dc are stick thin...so odd). In fact, I am also quite thin...so its very odd. I thought perhaps if I was chubby and she was doing me a favour, but I am slim...so its strange. Other dc even always makes comments about how slim I am and how am I so slim.... I eat a good amount and definitely noticed I was being short changed on the food. Anyway, I try not to let it get to me, I just wonder, why they keep stuffing their first grandchild, when she surly does not need a third helping of food when she is already overweight.

Censoring your internet use is really controlling OP. Have you raised that directly with him?

Your husband blocked you from accessing mumsnet at home? Seriously?

Your dh blocked mumsnet on the Wi-Fi?

OP that is shocking. It really is. You should probably also assume that he is reading the thread.

Omg your husband is almost as much of a prick as his ghastly father.

I think it's obvious by now that his blocking your internet access on the WiFi is pretty shocking. If you think about it, are there any other things he does that seem normal to you but might also be controlling?

Agree. You should assume he's reading the thread. Consider changing all usernames and passwords and routinely logging out on all devices if you want to discuss this further with anyone.

Dear op’s ( d)h,

I have addressed this post to you as I assume you are reading all her posts as another way of controlling her behaviour.

You need to support your dw and stand up to your controlling df. Blocking the WiFi is childish and manipulative. Just like your father. YOU are enabling this problem to continue. YOU need to sort it. Your upset if your dw says you may split up- well I’d invest in some (man size?!) tissues because if you deplorable behaviour continues she will and guess what it will be your fault.

Man up to your father, be kinder to your wife and move forward with this.

Regards

orchid

I see OP has De-registered....

If I get upset over it and say I'm not putting up with it, DH gets emotional, I mean physically upset and anxious that this will offend his Father

This sounds like he's more than scared of his father, he's absolutely terrified.

However, your husband's blocking of MN, shows that he's not just unable to stand up to his abuser, but that he's now also perpetuating the abuse in your home. This is unacceptable, and unless he's willing to get some counselling for himself, to overcome his FOG, and have your back, you should start taking steps to separate, before the abuse escalates.

if your husband hates an atmosphere or a scene.... id be letting him know if i had to spend another minute with his cuntox father he would be getting a full on Broadway show... and he can visit solo from now on as i would be standing up for myself, showing husband how its done, every single chance i got, and if daddy dearest hates the word crap........WELL hes in for a big surprise cause my fave word is CUNT!!!!

I have been trying to get onto MN all day but site was down..just realised why. It was blocked on the Wi-Fi!! I hope to god you put your H right about being an controlling arsehole like his dad.

I would also make it very clear him that I was seriously rethinking our relationship and if he started 'his whimpering/crying' act I tell him to man up and think very carefully about HIS behaviour and how it is affecting both you and your children. And if he continued down this route then yes thinks will change.