To worry that my children never see conflict. Ever

[Romax]

Two children 8&6.
Their father and I split amicably when they were very young and they have no recollection of us being together.

No third party. We get on very very well. We have lots of family of four days out, we eat out together at any hint of a celebration, we often come in for coffee and catch up when collecting the children. Yesterday we had a full day out at a local park, my youngest and I on picnic blanket, my ex and eldest playing football, then we picnic-ed. Bliss. Tomorrow we are doing a day long team activity, and ex’s sister joining us (who I don’t see often but get on very well with). The list goes on.

We have never ever argued in front of the children since the divorce. Ever.

Helped enormously by no money issues (ex very high earner and so I receive substantial maintenance plus I work part time in well paid role) and fact that there has never been a third party.

In the quiet of this morning before the children wake, I have been reflecting since our lovely day yesterday. My children do not ever see adults arguing and then making up and moving on. They literally have never seen this. And I see this as an important part of a child’s development. To see adults working through issues.

Nothing I can do (short of orchestrating arguments!) but any one else in similar boat? Or now have teens who grew up in a very harmonious divorced environment where they never saw adults arguing / bickering / indeed any tension at all.

Is this just a thread to boast about how great a life you have, and how well you and your ex do things?

They will hear and see arguments at school, on TV etc.

Oh goodness, what a way to see this.

My children have divorced parents. That is far far from ideal. No stealth boast. Breaks my heart that I have weekends where I don’t see my children. Holidays that I don’t experience with them. I could go on.

I had parents that argued. And argued “well”. So I saw that having a barmy isn’t the end of the world. You can move on

They probably see conflict every day with their schoolmates. Constant fallings out and making ups, and on a level they can understand.

Are you actually serious???

What a strange thing to worry about, you should be thankful your lives are so peaceful

Conflict resolution will come in the form of your education and their relationships with their peers. Undoubtedly they're going to face adversity in those relationships and you can teach them to navigate it without demonstrating that ability.

Plenty of single parents have no conflict in their lives simply as there's nobody to have conflict with at home except themselves and their children. Plenty of married parents keep it hidden and plenty of separated co-parents adopt this too.

It won't negatively impact them in any profound way. There's room enough for conflict outside of the home. Children should have a peaceful refuge at home where they can.

My kids don't see conflict at home either, and I am am married to their father.

Don't quite get the point of your post.

Jesus, be grateful for what you and your kids have.

There will be plenty of opportunity in their lives to experience this.

I don't a problem here. You get on well with people. And you're worried about your kids - why?

They may get lots of experience in their own lives. DD became a mediator & peace-maker at young age sorting out friends with volatile friendships. Every day I got updates "Ann & Amy broke up today... Ann & Amy are friends again today!" for yrs. Even now (17) she's kind of a fixer; the sort to tidy up the party that went too wild or to organise a safe space for a peer who drank too much.

Why would seeing adults bicker be necessary to growing up? There is plenty of conflict in everyday life. Our DC have never seen us bicker, so what? Weird boast thread

I dunt think the lack of conflict in your relationship is bad, actually the whole set up is great.
They will see arguments at school, on tv, between each other and potentially with you and/or ex as they get older.

I've never witnessed my parents argue, in fact I asked my mum and she said in the 28 years I've been alive they have argued three times, twice were caused by me... They disagreed, but kept it away from my brother and I

Your children are very young - there's plenty of time for conflict before they leave home. Chill.

I wont worry they way I see it if they know they are loved. They feel secure. You wont go far wrong. Wait til the teenage years. You can argue with them make up and move one all the time.

I grew up in a house with no arguments. We resolved things by disagreeing and discussing.

It did make life harder in terms of knowing how to cope when people are angry with me, as that never really happened at home. However, I wouldn't change it, and my daughter is being raised in a calm peaceful household where I never raise my voice with her, so it's definitely my preferred way to live! I agree with previous posters saying the kids will experience conflict and anger via friendships and the media etc. Let their home be their safe space, don't manufacture drama.

I doubt most couples who argue do in such a way as to provide maximum educational benefit Sadly I should think the reverse is true and the impact is far more negative than positive.

Crack on with your happy family and don't worry about it.

If you have time to worry about this things are obviously going well. Do you seriously never disagree with anyone? Not a friend? Not a restaurant who has overcharged you? I'm sure they'll have plenty of opportunity to encounter conflict in their life.

It’s easier to understand how to resolve conflicts when you’re coming from a background of reason and harmony being the default, the norm.
Where you have emotional strength and a wide experience of compromise and negotiation in a calm environment.
I think what you might be worrying about is your children’s resilience in the future when faced with unfamiliar aggression and argument.
Help them see the structure behind your decisions, the choices you could both have made and didn’t, because peaceful negotiation involves compromise and some elements of selflessness. That it doesn’t just happen, it requires work and effort and a clear sense of priorities.
In 10 years time, you will probably have been through a lot more arguments and stropping with your children than now. Good luck!

What a weird thread?

I’m really struggling to see how it could possibly benefit children to see their parents arguing. My parents never argued when I was growing up. When they disagreed on something they talked it through without losing their tempers. I am the same with my husband. We never argue, our relationship is totally harmonious.

You hear endless stories from people on here who found it incredibly upsetting hearing their parents argue growing up. It’s an unsettling, scary, horrible experience for kids.

I think this might be the most bizarre case of ‘looking for a problem where there isn’t one’ I’ve ever heard.

Do you ever disagree about things? Not enought to result in an argument, but enough to have to discuss the options and amicably agree on the best outcome for all?

Learning how to discuss differences and agree on the best solution without it resulting in conflict and a subsequent make up is (in my opinion) much more important.

My parents are still together but I have never seen conflict berween them. Disagreements yes, but no arguments. I grew up to marry a man that I have never argued with, probably because that's the model that my parents set!

I don't think you have anything to worry about

We don’t argue in front of our children, so they don’t see it either. It has never occurred to me that I’m depriving them of an educational experience.
They experience conflict in other environments such as school. It doesn’t seem to have harmed them so far that they don’t see it at home.

Is this the right thread for an argument?

I think a lot of posters are being harsh on you and I do see where you’re coming from.

I had concerns about similar stuff with my son, plus him being an only child he’s never experienced arguing/ play fighting / rough play that I believe what such an important part of my childhood.

However he’s now 15, he’s learnt really great conflict resolution from his own fall outs with myself and his dad and is remarkably emotionally mature / well developed for a 15 yo boy!
Your children are loved and are being raised in a loving safe environment- you couldn’t ask for more ❤️