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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just refuse the wedding invitation

1000 replies

jessicawessica · 20/04/2019 22:04

Nephew getting married in august. Been planning this massively expensive do for 2 years and he and fiancee talk about it a lot....dress code, venue, meal, etc.
Went to visit my mum today and my younger DB was also there. My mum gave us both out invitations as DN had dropped them off there.
We all opened them to find that me and DB were not invited to the ceremony and meal, just to the evening do.
I was fuming. My DD has been so looking forward to going to her first wedding ceremony so will be gutted when I tell her, especially as she adores DN s little girl.
My DB and I both said we won't be going at all now, especially as they've included a gift list in the invite and they all look bloody expensive.
I could understand it it was a small intimate do but it's for 150 people. And it's not as though DN has a large family....just his dad who will be 1 of the 10 Groomsmen, his brother, his mum and his gran (my mum).
AIBU to not go?

OP posts:
lyralalala · 21/04/2019 12:04

One of you needs to speak to your DN or DB1 to make sure there hasn't been a mistake before you all fall out without even checking.

IHateUncleJamie · 21/04/2019 12:05

WHY ARE YOU AVOIDING SPEAKING TO ANYONE DIRECTLY OP.

TeddybearBaby · 21/04/2019 12:05

Sorry I didn’t mean to sound shouty but you have really valid points and you can say exactly what you want in a really calm way so I don’t see the need for avoidance ‘to be honest brother I’m really hurt and disappointed not to be invited to the day, I really thought my bond with nephew was stronger than that. My daughter was really looking forward to it as well. I’m not sure if I can face coming to the evening tbh’

Holidayshopping · 21/04/2019 12:05

It’s your mum I feel sorry for! She now has to host people who are on the verge of a massive falling out!

IHateUncleJamie · 21/04/2019 12:06

Sorry I didn’t mean to sound shouty

I did. Grin

Moomoomoomoomoo · 21/04/2019 12:10

Oh for goodness sake just talk to each other.

Bookworm4 · 21/04/2019 12:11

I just noticed the they don't have a house they live with his mum
Why in the name of fuck is his dad funding a ridiculous OTT wedding when they haven't a pot to piss in??
Is everyone in your family scared to speak up?

TeddybearBaby · 21/04/2019 12:12

@IHateUncleJamie 😂

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/04/2019 12:14

"Shit! Just had a call from mum
Mum: Change of plan. DN is picking DB1 up instead and will pick you up on the way."

Now isn't that interesting? @jessicawessica, does your nephew often pick his dad and you up on a Sunday, or is this unusual? If it's unusual, I'd wonder why nephew is doing this. Guilt? Panic at realisation?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/04/2019 12:14

This reply has been deleted

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saraclara · 21/04/2019 12:14

Oh FFS. Why are you making your mum's life even harder, OP?

That's really unfair of you. Now she's going to miss your company today because you've got the sulks.

You should have gone, and calmly ironed things out. It's not for your mum to have to pick up the pieces.

saraclara · 21/04/2019 12:16

You are going to look like the bitch now.

If you'd just talked to people, things could have remained civil and they might have happily changed their minds. Now all hell is going to break loose.

englishdictionary · 21/04/2019 12:16

Well that went well

What did you expect? You are not exactly communicating well. But from your mums perspective she is being avoided because of this. That's an awful thing to do to your mum.

Holidayshopping · 21/04/2019 12:17

You and your brother are now both behaving like petulant children and leaving your poor mum to sort out the mess on Easter Sunday.

Way to go.

IvanaPee · 21/04/2019 12:18

Hmm.

rainbowstardrops · 21/04/2019 12:18

Just bloody communicate!!!!!

Original poster
jessicawessica · 21/04/2019 12:20

No it's not unusual for DN to pick DB1 up sometimes.
Okay, I get the message.
I will phone DB1.

OP posts:
Ruru8thestars · 21/04/2019 12:21

Why won’t you talk to your brother? This is ridiculous.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 21/04/2019 12:21

What a shot position you and your family are putting your mum in.

Disfordarkchocolate · 21/04/2019 12:22

I don't think you're behaving like petulant children, sometimes when you are hurt you need time to get your head around it before you speak to whoever has upset you.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 21/04/2019 12:23

Also, it's not the 'done thing' putting a gift list in with an evening invitation...what the actual hell! Very very cheeky.

Oh, quite common now and not just a list but a request for money. Because you're supposed to be 'grateful' the deigned to invite you to anything at all because 'weddings are expensive'.

Moomoomoomoomoo · 21/04/2019 12:24

Good for you OP, you need to speak to your DB before some sort of fall out with him thinking you’re snubbing the wedding.

skunkatanka · 21/04/2019 12:25

This is awful and you are not wrong to be upset. You are wrong to say nothing about it though!

Bobfossil2 · 21/04/2019 12:26

I didn’t invite my aunt to my wedding Shock but equally I barely see her so it’s not the same. I would probably be disappointed if I were you but I wouldn’t make a fuss. I would just take the hint that the relationship maybe wasn’t what I thought it was and act accordingly in future.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/04/2019 12:27

No it's not unusual for DN to pick DB1 up sometimes.

And your three children? AND his fiancée? AND his own child? Is this a car or a coach?

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