Not going to nephew's holy communion

[ILCTM]

We've been invited to my nephew's Holy Communion in a couple of weeks time - he's 7. It's my husband's sister's son and my husband says he doesn't want to go.

She's an Anglican Christian but it's being done in a Catholic church that her mum attends.

My husband was christened as a baby and attended church every Sunday, and he really resents it. He says that it should be up to the child to decide if they want to be part of any religion. He is an atheist and doesn't feel that anyone should be christened until they decide that they want to be, which I totally get.

I'm also not religious at all. The only people going to my nephew's Holy Communion are his mum (obviously) and his nan and grandad (who attend the church where he's being christened).

My husband's mum has said that he should respect the fact that it's his sister's choice to have her child christened and to receive holy communion and that he should go, but he says that he does respect her choice, but he says that she should respect his choice not to go as he doesn't agree with it.

My husband is very black and white, there is no in between. Is it unreasonable to not go? I do feel a bit bad, but then I'm not as black and white as him.

Agree with luna

YANBU, & neither is your husband.

It's odd that people have so little respect for someone's conscious choice in matters of faith (atheism) that they feel they should compromise by attending a ceremony they heartily disagree with.

The husband is not arguing the toss with his sister: he is simply electing not to attend.

Why does his sister's belief in Communion trump the husband's non-belief? Why should he betray his principles just to observe a social nicety?

I am also an atheist but even I am considering christening our twins.

Why?
Genuinely - what are you looking to achieve by undergoing a ceremony you have zero faith in?

I find this completely astounding.
It's as if you were saying "I am a vegetarian, but I am considering eating meat for a social occasion".

RSAcre I replied to that on page 2.

@MamaDane I really don't think you should promise in a church to raise your children in the Christian faith when you have no intention of doing so. That's quite shocking to me.

Yes it is unreasonable. I am also an atheist but even I am considering christening our twins. It's more of a cultural thing ever and it's not like the twins will automatically become christians 😂

it's not like the twins will automatically become christians 😂

Then I’d suggest you stop being so ignorant and start learning about the meaning of baptism

“I am also an atheist but even I am considering christening our twins”

Because schools. Ick

BertrandRussell Schools? Sorry what? how are schools related.

What does “people like yourself” mean? People who don’t agree with your slightly hysterical reaction to a simple ceremony?

Christening doesn’t usually help with schools as you know bert. Seems unlikely. Besides not all church schools are good. Our local catholic school is crap. The CofE is perfectly average. Both require actual attendance, not just a christening

“Christening doesn’t usually help with schools as you know bert.”

Many faith schools require that children are christened- often at under 1.

Whether the OP goes and whether the OP's DH goes should be two separate decisions. I think both should go to a family occasion but doubt the OP's DH will change his mind. If the OP's DH does not not go but the OP does, explaining to the DN that some people are religious and others not (if needed) is a perfectly valid thing to do.

Yes- but that’s not usually enough to get a place. You have to attend also.

Unreasonable not to go. It’s up to the parents to decide about things regarding the babies life and how it’s brought up. This includes religious shit.

BertrandRussell I don't live in the UK lol it's not a thing here. Perhaps instead of making assumptions and saying ick you could literally just read the explanation.

Passthecherrycoke you think your ott reaction to someone merely.....not wanting to go to a holy communion isn't hysterical? Really? Honestly? I think you need to be honest with yourself; not just you but the others on here who are hysterical and calling the guy all sorts of names, just because he doesn't want to go. Get a grip!

I think you must be thinking of another poster. I haven’t done any of those things and don’t need a grip thanks

MamaDane

You say it’s a cultural thing to be baptised.

But honestly, why are you doing it? Do you really understand what baptism means?

You proclaim to be an atheist. Do you understand what an atheist is? Because if you do, then why baptise your children?

Surely you can see the hypocrisy here!!

Holy communion is quite a special occasion and family usually goes and even have photos outside the church and kids get money in their cards too which is really exciting for them. I think it's really mean not to go at least go to the little party afterwards with your card. Poor child. He sounds like a horrible uncle.

MamaDane's position is perfectly reasonable from a Scandinavian perspective: the Scandi Christian churches tend to regard baptism as a potential welcoming of the child into a community which they may then choose or not choose to belong to. And the churches function as purveyors of cultural capital to a far larger section of the population than the actual practising Christians.

In Sweden until recently all children were automatically born into the state church though relatively few then became actual believers. You had to make an application if you wanted to leave but the church had minimal influence over people's lives. I was baptised though my parents were not believers. I decided I did believe (round about the age of 7, as it so happens) and still do, but most people I knew who were members and baptised were not believers.

But even in England it was not that uncommon a generation or two ago for children to be christened though their parents were not practising Christians. Dh was christened in 1960; his family are not believers at all. It was a traditional thing.

Don't know what it's like in Denmark but in Sweden the baptismal service lays less emphasis on the parents raising their children as Christians.

I think it's really mean not to go at least go to the little party afterwards with your card. Poor child. He sounds like a horrible uncle.

In the past I've declined to go to the ceremony for the same reason as ILCTM's darling husband, but I've been to the "after-party" - seems like a fair compromise. And I'd agree that it's good for the child to be given the message that not everyone believes in religion.

Its rather hypocritical to not go to a ceremony because you object to it based on your atheism, and then show up to a party to celebrate that very same religious ceremony.

I do happen to know Christmas and Easter are pagen festivals hijacked by Christianity.

Not exactly.
The pagan festivals pre-date the Christian festivals but the Christian ones are different to the pagan ones.

So your husband doesn't go and your nephew learns that atheists are narrow-minded and unbending. Fair enough, by the sound of it.

I do happen to know Christmas and Easter are pagen festivals hijacked by Christianity. So yes he will celebrate those

Is he pagan? Because if not, that’s no better than celebrating Diwali as an atheist.

I don't attend things like this either so YANBU.