Not going to nephew's holy communion

[ILCTM]

We've been invited to my nephew's Holy Communion in a couple of weeks time - he's 7. It's my husband's sister's son and my husband says he doesn't want to go.

She's an Anglican Christian but it's being done in a Catholic church that her mum attends.

My husband was christened as a baby and attended church every Sunday, and he really resents it. He says that it should be up to the child to decide if they want to be part of any religion. He is an atheist and doesn't feel that anyone should be christened until they decide that they want to be, which I totally get.

I'm also not religious at all. The only people going to my nephew's Holy Communion are his mum (obviously) and his nan and grandad (who attend the church where he's being christened).

My husband's mum has said that he should respect the fact that it's his sister's choice to have her child christened and to receive holy communion and that he should go, but he says that he does respect her choice, but he says that she should respect his choice not to go as he doesn't agree with it.

My husband is very black and white, there is no in between. Is it unreasonable to not go? I do feel a bit bad, but then I'm not as black and white as him.

As an atheist do you ensure your children know that faith is a valid option? Is that option presented fairly to them?

Yes. Mine went to a church playgroup, had books of bible stories on their shelves, went to church with their grandad if they wanted to and went to a state primary school. We always talked aboutchurches/mosques/gurwaras/synagogues/whatever whenever we them and explained the background to much of the classical music that played almost constantly. We had lots of books about how different people lead their lives, talked about why Christmas and Easter came to be cultural celebrations and why shopping time is different on Sundays. We quite often had Songs of Praise on because I like hymns. I could go on.
You?

I have to say I didn’t choose the first church playgroup and we left after the leader did a particularly offensive stunt with a Christmas tree and a crucifix, but we went to another one, also church and it was lovely.

Yes it is unreasonable. I am also an atheist but even I am considering christening our twins.
How strange, the whole point of a christening is a promise to bring up the children in the christian faith

My children know and understand that they are not under obligation to follow Christianity. They are informed about atheism.

However, so far (late teens) they choose to continue to deepen their faith. I’d attribute this to seeing a conversion that’s removed some doubts they potentially had.

I’m open to them changing their minds later on. Their faith (or lack of it, should that arise) is personal to them. I won’t sway their choices.

I think you’ll find most Christians practice their faith this way and see their journey to experience relationship with God is an individual and personal journey. If other close family members choose to step away, that’s ok. Should they want to come back later on, they’ll be made most welcome.

What specifically did you tell them about atheism when they were pre schoolers and in primary school? What atheist thinkers did you introduce them to? What about other faiths- how did you tell them about that?

I teach RE so we spoke about other faiths, as a family we find them fascinating.

I don’t feel the need to give you specifics further then that. I find some of your questioning a little intrusive.

The same as I doubt you know the great theologians Calvin, Barth, Bonhoeffer, Norwich to name a few. But whether you know their theology or not, is not my business.

“I don’t feel the need to give you specifics further then that. I find some of your questioning a little intrusive. ”
Really? Or just- to use your phrase “too uncomfortable to answer”?
Just to warn you, by the way, you may regret trading theologians with me. Although, I admit, I am sounder on rather more modern scholarship than your preferences.

Not uncomfortable, no.

I’m currently in the throes of a Theology degree so they were some of theologians that came to mind!!

too uncomfortable? You might be flattering yourself that I've been scared off! My father has been in hospital since the weekend so your need for answers from me has not been a priority.

I don't recall suggesting or implying that anyone refrain from having children, that's a tad defensive and hysterical. I don't think there's a 'solution', and I'm not offering one. Religious belief is a fact of life, and clearly there are degrees of how people choose to practice their faith; depends on the person, and depends on the faith, I suppose. I can't articulate it better than @BertrandRussell, particularly the previous comment. I do commend any parent of faith who provides their kids with knowledge of and the freedom to explore 'alternatives'. However, i do think it's naive to suggest that your children have 'chosen' to remain in the Christian faith, however many options or outlooks you've given them, when they've been brought up with Christianity from the get-go. When your default influence and environment is absolute belief in a deity and its ancient manual, you can't make a choice from a neutral position, even if you end up rejecting the religion in which you've been brought up. And I say that as a more or less abstract notion of choice in this context, not a criticism of you and your childrens' beliefs. Thus my original use of the word 'foisting'. I've never taken my child to church but he does learn about religion in school (he is currently fascinated with Islam and told me the other day that if he was going to follow a religion, that would be it) and I'll continue to discuss religion, spirituality etc with him for as long as he wants. He knows that I'm not religious, and clearly, because he's young, that influences him, but as I said before, I don't consider lack of belief a belief system in itself, so his mind is freer, in that sense, to follow his instincts and curiosity.

Really, never the twain shall meet in these debates, because we're both coming at this issue from across a big chasm in thinking.