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Original poster

Not going to nephew's holy communion

310 replies

ILCTM · 20/04/2019 21:04

We've been invited to my nephew's Holy Communion in a couple of weeks time - he's 7. It's my husband's sister's son and my husband says he doesn't want to go.

She's an Anglican Christian but it's being done in a Catholic church that her mum attends.

My husband was christened as a baby and attended church every Sunday, and he really resents it. He says that it should be up to the child to decide if they want to be part of any religion. He is an atheist and doesn't feel that anyone should be christened until they decide that they want to be, which I totally get.

I'm also not religious at all. The only people going to my nephew's Holy Communion are his mum (obviously) and his nan and grandad (who attend the church where he's being christened).

My husband's mum has said that he should respect the fact that it's his sister's choice to have her child christened and to receive holy communion and that he should go, but he says that he does respect her choice, but he says that she should respect his choice not to go as he doesn't agree with it.

My husband is very black and white, there is no in between. Is it unreasonable to not go? I do feel a bit bad, but then I'm not as black and white as him.

OP posts:
Voldethought · 21/04/2019 12:48

Surely the crux of the question (regardless of what the event is) is: Does your nephew want him to attend? Will DN be upset if he doesn't?

Shiverrrrmetimbers · 21/04/2019 12:54

@passthecherrycoke I’m not sure how that’s relevant to people born in the early 80s? Maybe you misread my post

No, I managed to read it ok and that’s why I posted a link that showed that by 1980 less than a third of people were christened.

So my point stands that it’s incredibly unusual that you’ve only been friends with 3 people in your life who haven’t been christened as that would mean over 99% of your friends have been.

And nowadays less than 10% are christened so it’s not really done just ‘for cultural reasons’ and that’s a bonkers suggestion

LillithsFamiliar · 21/04/2019 13:25

Some would say starting an anti-religion thread in Holy Week dressed up as the opposite and continuing it on a day when hundreds of Christians have been murdered is the opposite of respect.

Passthecherrycoke · 21/04/2019 13:54

Oh right so what proportion of people need to do something to be cultural? Do minorities cultures not matter because there are so few of them? If someone told you they were Jain and followed something for cultural reasons would you tell them that was incorrect? Who are you to make that judgement?

jt610 · 21/04/2019 13:55

"Some would say starting an anti-religion thread in Holy Week"

Once again it's only a "holy week" to beleivers. Why must atheists respect "holy week" why not Christians respect that to many it's just another week and even bring it up.

Passthecherrycoke · 21/04/2019 13:57

Well no one needs to respect anyone or anything, but it’s generally thought of as common decency to do so

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 21/04/2019 14:04

Once again it's only a "holy week" to beleivers. Why must atheists respect "holy week" why not Christians respect that to many it's just another week and even bring it up.

Absolutely. To me today is a very meaningful day. I have a poster in my window stating Christ is Risen. Atheists can do what they want and I respect that. I don’t believe in forcing my beliefs on others.

OP, your husband should absolutely not go if he doesn’t want to.

jt610 · 21/04/2019 14:14

"Well no one needs to respect anyone or anything, but it’s generally thought of as common decency to do so"

Correct so why don't most Christians respect people who don't believe in their god.

sweetkitty · 21/04/2019 14:17

I’m an atheist married to a catholic, whilst all my children were at church this morning I was hiding the eggs. Our son is making his first communion aged 9 in 3 weeks time. He is very excited and has been preparing for months. It is important to my DH that all the children were brought up RC but they know my views too and know they can make up their own minds in a few years. So as an atheist I am going to my own children’s communions not believing in any of it but that is is important to them. You just go for the family even to support family. This being the west of Scotland I have family members who won’t attend as they won’t step in a Catholic Church 😩

Passthecherrycoke · 21/04/2019 14:21

“Correct so why don't most Christians respect people who don't believe in their god.”

Who says they don’t? You seem to be projecting some experience of Christians onto everyone

jt610 · 21/04/2019 14:27

"support your family" in what way?
Does your other half support you when you tell your kids there is no god?

Imo no child should be told one religion is right, let them decide when they can understand all avenues.

BertrandRussell · 21/04/2019 14:31

What does “respect” mean in this context?

jt610 · 21/04/2019 14:32

"Who says they don’t? You seem to be projecting some experience of Christians onto everyone"

Umm the last two thousand years of history, I don't know, highjacking pagen festival's, the crusade's, pretty much all the time up till the last 100 years.

BertrandRussell · 21/04/2019 14:34

“Who says they don’t? You seem to be projecting some experience of Christians onto everyone”

Well, I have very rarely met a Christian in rl or on here who respects my desire for a child to take a full part in the life of a state school including going to assembly without being a nominal Christian. For example.

Passthecherrycoke · 21/04/2019 14:35

You are saying some daft things Grin so who are you blaming for atrocities a thousand years ago? Mrs Smith who does the flowers for St Johns?

Passthecherrycoke · 21/04/2019 14:36

You’re very much making this about you btw, as OPs husband did also.

jt610 · 21/04/2019 14:51

It's the same mentality today as 1000 years ago.

If you don't believe in God = bad
If you do = good

BigFatLiar · 21/04/2019 14:56

All very silly, go along and be part of the family.

Christian families raise their children as christian, Jewish as Jews, Muslims as muslims, Atheists as atheists etc thats being a parent. Your views being used as a basis to raise the children.

What he's objecting to is in essence that they are not raising their child how he would. They aren't asking him to convert only to come and support the boy and be happy for him enjoying his day.

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 21/04/2019 14:57

To me today is a very meaningful day. I have a poster in my window stating Christ is Risen. Atheists can do what they want and I respect that. I don’t believe in forcing my beliefs on others.

But we're being told off for being disrespectful during one religion's holy week. I wish I'd thought of it yesterday, I'd have put up an poster saying "Christ is dead" Grin

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 21/04/2019 15:02

But we're being told off for being disrespectful during one religion's holy week. I wish I'd thought of it yesterday, I'd have put up an poster saying "Christ is dead"

And I wouldn’t be offended. So long as you hadn’t defaced mine.

Happy Chocolate Egg day 🐇

BertrandRussell · 21/04/2019 15:02

I didn’t raise my children to be atheists.

jt610 · 21/04/2019 15:05

Nope, we are all born atheist religion is learnt/forced.

MamaDane · 21/04/2019 19:32

jt610 see, but Muslims think that everyone is born a Muslim too and that's why when people convert to Islam, they are called reverts.

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 21/04/2019 19:38

MamaDane, true, but that's pretty easily disproved! (Although I guess we're not talking about people who are receptive to evidence Grin)

LunafortJest · 22/04/2019 14:55

Passthecherrycoke "who says they don't?"

People like yourself who cannot take no for an answer, and then have the cheek to say the husband is making it all about him. That is who.
The husband is NOT making it all about him. His mother is making it all about her. Politely declining does not in any way remotely make it all about him. In fact, it is those who CARRY THIS ON after he politely declined, that are from that moment on, making it about them.