Family meal out issue. WIBU?

[LettuceBe]

A family member organised an extended family lunch today. We have gatherings two or three times a year. Today there were 12 adults and four children.(I don't have children so none were mine) An aunt received some unexpected money and wanted to pay for it all. It was a chain pub type place so reasonably priced but still incredibly generous of her and offers of payment from some were repeatedly refused before and during the meal.

It went well but all four children aged 2, 3, 4 and 8) barely touched their kids meals(The build your own type when you choose a main and two sides, Dessert is free) There was a huge kids play area so they were more interested in that and left the vast majority of the food. Said Aunt was not pleased and made some remarks about it having to pay for nothing. One parent didn't look pleased but offered to pay for the kids meals.(About£4.95) but Aunt declined. It created a bit of an atmosphere but we finished and left. Aunt left a Whatsapp about enjoying the day and hoping everyone else did too, but that she felt a little taken advantage of because the children didn't eat their meals and none of the other three sets of parents offered to pay for the uneaten meals. Understandably it didn't go down well.

So who was being unreasonable here?

I think using a supposedly kind, generous gesture to control and criticise those around you is rude.

However your update does change the picture a bit. I guess the aunt feels it's the kid's meal equivalent of ordering lobster, steak and champagne because someone else is paying and then not even bothering to eat it.

The parents were unreasonable for allowing their kids to eat the ice-cream, but not the mains.

I can see both sides. My DC would have been told they couldnt go to play unless they'd eaten their dinners. They also wouldnt have gotten the ice cream.

The three sets who didnt offer to pay for the uneaten meals were rude.

However they were being typical excited children and all children do this. Youre aunt shouldnt offer a gift with strings.

so everyone is being unreasonable

They were back and forth to the play area throughout
Height of bad manners! Ordering extra food and only 1 out if 4 parents offering to pay!
I don't think the aunt is unreasonable to feel taken advantage of

Parents ordered for the kids and were expecting to pay for that food. Aunt then insisted on paying and is now complaining about what was ordered. She is being unreasonable.

I was 50/50 but your update swings me in your aunt’s favour.

Was it the parent of the 8yo who offered to pay? Even so, I think you said it was grudgingly to appease aunt. They were taking the piss to let an 8yo have an adult sized meal - doubly so when they didn’t finish it.

And as for the “didn’t realise starters cost more” parents? They were taking advantage because they either didn’t read the menu prices (I’ve been to these type of places, it’s clear) or didn’t give a shit cos they weren’t paying.

As for the aunt having children in their 30s...
Of course everyone is different, but I would say that 20 years ago:

• people ate out less
• people had less money and it was more of a treat
• people were more likely to enforce rules about eating first, playing later

I’m a parent of a younger child, and I’m commenting rather than criticising - because I know I’m far more like the parents here. I would just say that it’s probably wrong to think the aunt has forgotten what kids are like - more likely, she would have kept her children at the table first.

I can understand why the aunt might feel annoyed, but to use the term ‘taken advantage of’ is unfair and makes her unreasonable. Kids are unpredictable

Your aunt needs to chill out. If you've offered to pay then you should do so graciously and so long as people say thank you it's neither here nor there.

Sounds like maybe she didn't really want to pay, but just liked the idea of paying and wanted everyone to gush about it. I would just say "thanks so much for the meal, was really nice of you", and completely ignore her silly whingey comment about the kid's meals.

I don’t think it’s taking the piss to order an 8year old an adult meal if that’s the portion they eat a lot of restaurant children’s meals are aimed for toddler - 7years old. Obviously that’s child dependent though.

The more that’s posted though it seemed very unorganised in the fact that people didn’t know that kiddies starters where not included but thought they where, some how nachos ended up on the order but nobody knows where from. Apart from the 8year old if all children had of eaten some of their mains I would of been happy no point in wasting the ice cream that had also been paid for within the meal price just to make a point. The 8year olds parent should of ordered a kids meal if they knew he/she had eaten recently or they should of eaten a good half to three thirds of the meal before an offer to buy ice cream was made since it wouldn’t of been included in their meal price.

Future pay per household and ignore auntys offers to pay.

The aunt is being rude and a bit ridiculous.

But, I would have made my kids nicely sit and eat for at least 10 minutes before racing off to the play area. And I wouldn’t have been allowing ice cream unless they had eaten at least half of their mains. Mine are 6 and 2, this is just about manageable for both of them these days. Obviously more challenging for 2yo but we still try.

If it had been at the aunt's house and she had cooked the meal, would the parents have let the children just play, I wonder?

I understand that aunt might feel that people took the piss. BUT she offered to pay. If she needs to voice her irritation, she does it to her best friend. She cannot rescind on her offer. If even for her own appearances, she must now realise she looks mean and spiteful despite having paid for lunch. She needed to vent outwards!

I think the aunt is being rude to mention it!

God I know people like that. Insist on paying as an excuse to be controlling and critical. Annoying. I'm sure he parents would have much preferred to pay the £5 and got to enjoy their meal out.

But actually why shouldn’t she politely say “you know I feel hurt about how today went”

Should we always just sit back and ignore things?

It sounds like the parents actually where rude and took advantage so why should she just accept that?

My SIL used to piss me off.
Her kids would ask for stuff, say cakes or sausage rolls, and she would give them one, they would take half a bite , reject it and get something else, on repeat. And the younger one would be doing the same and never be offered the sausage roll with a minute nibble off the corner rejected by the elder. So they could waste half a buffet table between them. With my oblivious daffy SIL warbling “Oh, don’t you like it? Oh no, try this..”

I think it is ridiculous to order that much food for children. No wonder we have an obesity epedemic.

Eustasiavye I agree.

An average 8 year old is what, 24kg, 128cm tall? Unless you have a 8 year old the size of a 10 year old then a kids meal is plenty of food. I understand buying a light adult meal if they don't like the kids' options, but not a regular one.

Both sides are being unreasonable. You can’t force kids to eat everything however although we dont often go out the kids are required to sit at the table and eat their meal nicely until I give them permission to leave the table and if they don’t make a decent effort to eat their dinner they don’t get dessert whether it’s already included/free or not. I’m not saying they need to eat every bite but they need to have actually eaten not just picked and then wanted to run off play area or no play area.

In reality the ice cream isn't free, it's included in the price. They say this so you won't ask to pay less if you don't have it. I used to see kids meal prices as a cover charge you pay to have your kid with you whilst you eat! DD used to order and then just eat free salad and the ice cream. It sounds as if all the adults bar one were unreasonable! Five quid is pretty good if they got ice cream and a fantastic play area and it does sound like they ate some food. The aunt had unreasonable expectations but the parents were unreasonable not to offer to pay when she was obviously upset.

If she wants to cause a ruck over £20 that's her prerogative but as she'd repeatedly refused offers of payment the comment she made in the WhatsApp was very uncalled for

Jesus if I was one of the parents I’d be taking the fiver(or tenner for the 8 year old) to her now and never going out with her again.

A gift is a gift. Not a stick to beat someone with. Ok the parents could have done a bit more parenting but at the end of the day if you make an offer it shouldn’t come with strings.

Worst kind of place to go if you want children to eat. Eateries with play areas I avoid at all cost. Think since they were introduced kids think they shouldn't have to sit still at a table when eating out. I can understand why there was upset about waste of money.

Yup, she is being unreasonable. DId she expect you all to hold the kids down and forcefeed them?! Its quite normal for young kids to be more interested in play areas than food.