Family meal out issue. WIBU?

[LettuceBe]

A family member organised an extended family lunch today. We have gatherings two or three times a year. Today there were 12 adults and four children.(I don't have children so none were mine) An aunt received some unexpected money and wanted to pay for it all. It was a chain pub type place so reasonably priced but still incredibly generous of her and offers of payment from some were repeatedly refused before and during the meal.

It went well but all four children aged 2, 3, 4 and 8) barely touched their kids meals(The build your own type when you choose a main and two sides, Dessert is free) There was a huge kids play area so they were more interested in that and left the vast majority of the food. Said Aunt was not pleased and made some remarks about it having to pay for nothing. One parent didn't look pleased but offered to pay for the kids meals.(About£4.95) but Aunt declined. It created a bit of an atmosphere but we finished and left. Aunt left a Whatsapp about enjoying the day and hoping everyone else did too, but that she felt a little taken advantage of because the children didn't eat their meals and none of the other three sets of parents offered to pay for the uneaten meals. Understandably it didn't go down well.

So who was being unreasonable here?

[Thepacksurvives]

Your auntie is being unreasonable

[LetsDialDownTheIanPaisley]

Sounds like she doesn't have her own children. The play area is worth the cost of the meal itself.

[ImOnlyHumanAfterall]

She IBU. You don't offer to pay if it comes with conditions.

I don't know of a single child of those ages that eat full meals.

[LettuceBe]

She has adult children. I think that the parents encourage their children a little to eat, but I was at the other end of the tables, so I can't say how much. They were back and forth to the play area throughout. Personally I think it's just a risk you take with young children and you can't force them to eat, though perhaps they should have made them wait until they'd eaten before letting them loose, but then they might have been restless at the table.

[Serialweightwatcher]

I think writing it like she did was a bit off - I can understand she was annoyed and the parents should have told their kids that unless they ate something they couldn't play on whatever, particularly when it's a family 'do' and someone is being generous enough to pay

[bridgetreilly]

SIBU for complaining afterwards. If you offer to treat everyone, you treat everyone and that does not give you the right to comment on what people order and/or eat or don't eat. If she was really that annoyed about the children's meals, she should have accepted the offer from one parent to pay for it.

However, I do think that parents ought to make some effort to encourage their children to sit at the table while people are eating, and not let them go off to play until the grown ups are enjoying coffee/chat/drinks after. They still might not eat much, and that's fine, but they can still be learning how to behave in that situation.

[Cornishqween]

She is being incredibly unreasonable. You don't get to dictate what other people's children eat.
My two almost always eat their meals, but on the odd day one or the other may be off their food/feeling poorly/not particularly hungry. There is no way as their mother id be force feeding them to appease the aunt. If she was going to judge she shouldn't have paid for them. Not to mention they already offered to repay her (as did other guests).

Id be fuming with her Tbh.

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

At those ages she WBU, I wouldn't be 100% sure my kids would have sat and eaten a whole meal at 2, 3 or 4. Mostly they would have eaten some but at any point they might declare they're done and no amount of cajoling would have helped. Mine don't get pudding if they haven't eaten any of their dinner though so that's usually enough to get them to eat at least half.

But, DH and I have different rules for our kids when eating out. We adopt the line of least resistance and provided the children are behaved, sitting nicely and not being a nuisance, we let the eating slide if necessary.

If I had already offered to pay and aunt said no, then I might not have offered again. The amount of times we've paid for a kids meal and one of ours hasn't eaten it, is actually a bit depressing!! Par for the course really, especially if there's an exciting playground.

[Prequelle]

If someone had paid for my kids meal I would make a effort to get them to eat it. I wouldn't have just let them have the ice cream afterwards - no main, no dessert. That's always been a rule hasn't it?

She was probably annoyed at the lack of effort

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

Oh and what time was the meal? Sometimes, we've had to feed ours a little bit because they'd be so hungry by the time we eat out that there would likely be strops. The upside, is no strops.... the downside is that they often eat less of the meal.

Luckily ours are older now, so will sit and eat and DD actually wants to socialise at the table.

[HBStowe]

Your aunt is being ridiculous. Kids are kids - it’s not a personal slight against her. And having seen her refuse the parent who did offer to pay it’s not surprising the others didn’t labour the point by offering too. She sounds hard work tbh, despite her generosity.

[liitlepenguin]

I think both parties to be honest

The parents for not telling the children eat first then and play. Or not giving in and giving out ice cream if they hadn't had the main and the aunt for being a martyr about the whole thing

[Ated]

The parents should have made the kids eat the meals or made sure they had nothing to start with. Parents are getting worse, year by year. So what, it had a play area, but can't be used until you finish eating. It isn't hard.

[LettuceBe]

We met at 12. Kids' food arrived about half 12.

[Butterymuffin]

How would it have made it better if the parents paid? Would the food have been less wasted? The aunt here has totally spoiled her original generosity by the whinging about what was left. Now everyone will remember her as grumpy relative not generous relative, which was completely avoidable on her part.

[Katterinaballerina]

What a joy sucker. She wanted the family together, she got the family together. Everyone had a nice time and then she made a fuss about the children not eating all their food, refused an offer to cover the cost from one parent and then went on to whine about it again later. A nice gesture, to pay for the meals, turned into an uncomfortable time for everyone. Does she have for for this kind of thing?

[Yura]

Silly of her to write a group whatsapp.
However, the kids should have sat down and at least made a serious attempt at the meal (basic manners in my books. yes, i have 2 young kids).

[Romax]

The aunt

Seriously the aunt

[Slicedpineapple]

Aunt is BU. She should have taken up the offers to pay for the kids meals if she really cared, or said no (like she did) then stayed hush about it.

I wonder if she would say the same thing about an adult not finishing their meal, or not enjoying it so not eating much of it? Just because you are paying doesn't mean you can essentially dictate what children do or don't eat.

[AWishForWingsThatWork]

Your aunt was not only unreasonable, she was a liar. She was not taken advantage of, and people did offer to pay for the meals and specifically the children's uneaten meals.

Your aunt is behaving like a ridiculous attention-seeking knob. Ignore her.

[Slicedpineapple]

I'll add that personally it does annoy me a bit if kids in restaurants waste an entire meal so that they can go in a play area, but she should have not mentioned it again after the initial discussion, regardless of her view on that. Personally when I was a kid it was you eat your main and then you can go in the play area/have a dessert, not leave your main to go and play and then eat ice cream. But each to their own.

[TheBigFatMermaid]

Actually, the parents. We have eaten at these kind of places when the DC were younger and as we went it we said that they could play until the food arrived, then had to come and eat. Then they could leave the table, only once their food was eaten! These firm rules should have been in place from the start, whoever was paying!

[liquidfootball]

Children shouldn't be forced to eat food that they don't want - it creates unhealthy eating habits. Withholding pudding also does this, as it encourages children to eat their meal even when they are feeling full.

[CherieBabySpliffUp]

Both sides were unreasonable. The parents should have not let the children go off and play while the adults were eating

[CaMePlaitPas]

Does the Aunt have children? It sounds like she hasn't got a clue...