Family meal out issue. WIBU?

[LettuceBe]

A family member organised an extended family lunch today. We have gatherings two or three times a year. Today there were 12 adults and four children.(I don't have children so none were mine) An aunt received some unexpected money and wanted to pay for it all. It was a chain pub type place so reasonably priced but still incredibly generous of her and offers of payment from some were repeatedly refused before and during the meal.

It went well but all four children aged 2, 3, 4 and 8) barely touched their kids meals(The build your own type when you choose a main and two sides, Dessert is free) There was a huge kids play area so they were more interested in that and left the vast majority of the food. Said Aunt was not pleased and made some remarks about it having to pay for nothing. One parent didn't look pleased but offered to pay for the kids meals.(About£4.95) but Aunt declined. It created a bit of an atmosphere but we finished and left. Aunt left a Whatsapp about enjoying the day and hoping everyone else did too, but that she felt a little taken advantage of because the children didn't eat their meals and none of the other three sets of parents offered to pay for the uneaten meals. Understandably it didn't go down well.

So who was being unreasonable here?

[greenpop21]

She is being rude by saying that so explicitly though I understand that she might feel that way. I think I would have made a big effort it get my kids to eat their meal, telling them it was a treat from Auntie etc. If they had refused I think I would have insisted that we pay for the kids meal.

[greenpop21]

I have said to my chn that they can't play on the playground until the have eaten a set amount of food.

[KittyInTheCradle]

@archivearmadillo

It's not that I think standards were higher, but rather that eating out was less of a casual or regular thing... more of as big thing. or that could just be my family

[KittyInTheCradle]

I agree it is quite petty to make it about money though. If you don't want to pay, don't offer!

[Quartz2208]

Thinking through this what has rightly I think now pissed her off is that some people have taken the chance to order more than they normally would and if they were paying - I think the not eating a child’s meal is fine if that is what they normally do

Someone in my family did it recently my Nan took my side out for a meal (used tastecard Sensible choices and spent £80 for 4 adults and 2 children including my Nan) my uncle objected that he wasn’t included (we’ll visit) so she offered to pay for a meal - he spent over £200!

[BottleOfJameson]

I think the mistake was the Aunt paying in the first place. If each family paid for themselves individually it probably wouldn't have been too expensive and everyone could have been relaxed but when you pay for the lot it suddenly becomes over a hundred quid (if not two hundred) and it becomes a big deal.

[BottleOfJameson]

I missed the bit about people ordering alot more than normal. If they did that is really taking the piss. I hate other people saying they'll treat me as I always end up hardly ordering anything. I can't imagine suddenly deciding to have a starter, desert and three side dishes with my main.

[masterblaster]

I have a job where I end up taking my team out for a meal two or three times a year. I have a rule which everyone understands - I pay for food which is eaten. People can order what they like, but if they don’t eat it, they pay for it. That said, they are kids. I would personally accept money from the parents of the 8 year old, but not anyone else.

[Romax]

I have a job where I end up taking my team out for a meal two or three times a year. I have a rule which everyone understands - I pay for food which is eaten. People can order what they like, but if they don’t eat it, they pay for it

What. The. Fuck.

[masterchef98]

Actually, now I think about it more at ages 2,3 .. I would not have ordered my kids meals - they just shared ours. Maybe we would order 2 mains and a starter / side to share between us, it would all get eaten.

[SoyDora]

I have a job where I end up taking my team out for a meal two or three times a year. I have a rule which everyone understands - I pay for food which is eaten. People can order what they like, but if they don’t eat it, they pay for it

This is insane.

[Namechangeforthiscancershit]

I have a job where I end up taking my team out for a meal two or three times a year. I have a rule which everyone understands - I pay for food which is eaten. People can order what they like, but if they don’t eat it, they pay for it

There's a typo in here somewhere right?

[greenpop21]

My DF paid for the bar until 8pm at my wedding. I overheard a guest saying "I'll get you 2 pints, it's a free bar!" people like that ruin generosity.

[BottleOfJameson]

I have a job where I end up taking my team out for a meal two or three times a year. I have a rule which everyone understands - I pay for food which is eaten. People can order what they like, but if they don’t eat it, they pay for it

I have to agree this is really weird. Do your team just order absolutely ridiculous amounts of food because they know someone else is paying? Or are you just weird about buying other people food? What if they order something and don't like it or the portions are bigger than expected? Doesn't sound like a relaxing meal out!

[quizqueen]

She should have accepted the offer of reimbursement for the kids' meals if she felt strongly about wasted food and the kids shouldn't have been allowed to have the ice-creams anyway if they refused to eat the main meal. Bad parenting!

[Eastie77]

Masterblaster wins the prize for the strangest post I've seen on MN

I don't understand people complaining about small children wasting food. It's age appropriate and completely normal for a 2 or 3 year old to leave a plate of food almost untouched. I don't know a child of that age who can be relied on to eat an entire meal on any given occasion. I only take my young DC to specific, cheap child friendly restaurants with tried and tested dishes they've consistently eaten before otherwise it's a waste of money.

OP, your aunt was rude. If I was the parent of any of those children I'd transfer £4.95 to her because I'd hate to be beholden to such a sour relative.

[mummysherlock]

I wouldn’t have made such a big song and dance about it like your aunt has OP but deep down I think I would also have been a bit annoyed by this, especially if the parents of the DCs had made no attempt to get them away from the play area and encouraged them to eat some of their food.
When we take our DC’s somewhere like this, the rule is they can be in the play area until the food is on the table, then they must come and sit down with everyone else and eat. They are not forced to clear their plates, but certainly wouldn’t be allowed ice cream or any other pudding unless a reasonable amount of their main course had been eaten.

[FaveNumberIs2]

Why were they allowed the ice cream if they didn't eat their mains??

Your aunt was being unreasonable in complaining, but the children's parents should have encouraged them to eat mains before playing and should not have let the kids have ice cream until mains were eaten.

[InceyWinceyette]

Totally rude to order stuff for your kids, on someone else’s ticket, and then not make any effort whatsoever to get them to eat it but let them charge young instead.

Fine, let them play if you’re not fussed about them eating, bit don’t order a load of food, paid for by someone else, and let it sit untouched on the table while they ignore it.

Dreadful manners. And then crass if the aunt to raise it. Even though she is right to think it.

[Ginburee]

I would expect my children to stop playing and eat thier food. And they would as they are always hungry.
I would not expect someone to pay for an uneaten meal, that is so rude.

[ijustcannotdoit]

So I would have tried my best to get child to eat meal, but given that it's a fun Easter weekend with a play area I would have probably taken a more chilled out approach to it

I would have then at the time of paying said 'are you sure we can't contribute, DD barely ate any of hers!'... but honestly would be gobsmacked if someone actually rescinded their offer based on that. Life is too short. You offer to pay then you pay 💰

[InceyWinceyette]

If you know your child will not want to eat due to excitement / play area, and if you know you are going to be too ‘chilled’ to make them sit down and eat, then why order the food?

To do so is deliberately wasteful of someone else’s money. And, obv, the food.

It’s all just so decadent. “Oh yeah, order, order some more, Chuck it away, pay, who cares?”

[TigerTooth]

*Sirzy

Whether the kids where eating or not I would have expected them to sit st the table while everyone else was eating as a minimum
I wouldn’t - beautiful day, with their cousins etc - I would let them play.
But after the WhatsApp comment I would PayPal the whole cost of both mine and my child’s meal, no comment, just send her the cash. She sounds like a bitch.

[Sirzy]

If your planning on just letting them play then why order the food in the first place!

[BoomBoomsCousin]

Initially, I thought your aunt was BVU but the update makes her annoyance somewhat understandable though the way she has chosen to respond to you all is still a bit U and has kind of killed off the good she did with her generous offer.

I understand kids wanting to play and eat ice cream in a situation like that and while I think you can enforce them staying at the table it can be hard work and annoying to do so and also ruin the big thing they get out of the day - being with their cousins in a fun environment. The time they spend playing with each other creates bonds that can last a lifetime and is well worth supporting.

But parents ordering more food (starters or an adult rather than child portion) at someone else's expense for their children when those children then don't eat even the majority of the basic meal is really poor behaviour. Your aunt did not handle her annoyance well at all, but the parents who encumbered her with extra expense for no good reason were very out of order.