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Reporting my 17 son to the police for theft

230 replies

PurpleMagnolia · 18/04/2019 18:33

I really want to hear from other parents who have experience of police involvement with their teens. I feel like we are at the end of the line with him and we are seriously considering bringing charges against him ourselves. He has been stealing from us in ever greater amounts from 10 onwards, can be very threatening and abusive when challenged, has tried to push his stepfather around if he 'dares' to get involved, has thrown things at me, is extremely intelligent, bullying and manipulative. He has every kind of support, I quit my job to try to love him and support him through his GCSE's he got 3 C's and a B, slept through most of them but had target grades of straight 8's. He is unbelievably lazy and disgusting, bottles of wee under the bed, room fully of rotting food, backpack like an actual compost bin rotting down in there. Is really overweight, smokes including a little pot. We live in a house of locked doors to every room, steals food all the time, lifetime of stealing other kids toys, sisters lego, money etc. Was just trying to survive until he leaves home and edge him through his college course in the hope that he could get a job and leave, which he is in danger of being thrown out of. He lies about absolutely everything and often has carefully constructed stories he builds up over time to put me of off the scent of what he is doing. His small group of friends are vile, nasty characters. He has always had consequences for his actions, paying money back etc. He has had all his xbox etc confiscated over the years and in the last year has no access to lounge (he nicks videos and sells them), no phone contract, no wifi, not even a door on his room. End of a long road of consequences. He has been to CAMHS, private counselors, Early Intervention youth services, family counseling. He has swallowed our life up trying to work out how to help him. BUT just recently I got a text from another trusted parent, telling me he has stolen over 200 pounds and another time been caught with her wallet in his bag. She had a serious talk with him, but didn't tell me, then the final straw was him stealing £900 worth of graphics card and memory from her daughters computer to sell on. We managed to get it back from the other little a%^&ole he sold it to, found he has tools in his bag for the job. She even told me that she had a warning from another Mum that he has stolen from her too. He is totally unrepentant and is really gloating about the fact that his mate had to give up the computer gear, and he got to keep the money. I don't given him money, both my kids (sister is a sweet hard working kind soul) earn their pocket money, but he can't be arsed. Somehow always has cash, I suspect through more stealing. ANYHOO, it's been a month since I got the text, he hasn't done and single job here (lawn mowing etc) to earn a penny and says he is 'looking into' getting a job. Totally unrepentant and I have given him 2 weeks to pay her back something decent (he owes her £265) or I will press charges. I have already called the cops on him for stealing my phone and threatening me, and they were amazing, said they would keep him in till late at night without pressing charges to try and teach him a lesson. Has no effect. What I really want to is to hear from other parents who have been devoted stable parents who have taken ever possible step and ended up with an amoral monster and what on earth they have done! Stepfather has been in his life since he was three, always supported him been great husband and dad. Bio Dad was total bastard as well, no hoper, nasty and selfish and died a few years ago. All this started well before his Dad passed however. I can't talk about to most people because they always say stuff like 'I wouldn't let him get away with that'. What can you do when is he massively tall and 24 stone! We have no conequences left and I am afraid he has found some new friends to steal from their parents. I had to text round all the ones I new to tell them to protect then from people robbed! I have been through the crying, the depression, the hysterical grief, the horror, have read a million books on how to raise boys, challenging sons, strong willed children, confident boys ad nauseum. Nothing! Sorry for the long rant but I just don't feel he should be allowed to get away with it and pick up some new victims. Help!

OP posts:
TryingToBeBold · 25/11/2019 22:45

I know this is an old thread but well done @PurpleMagnolia.

I hope you can sleep well at night. And feel safe and secure.
Your DD didn't deserve to live around it.
I read he has been like this since he was 10? And he is 17? So almost half his life. The last 7 years? That takes some coping and you definitely didn't deserve to put up with that.
Well done Flowers. I can't imagine how hard it would be to go through it knowing he was once this tiny baby who relied on you.

Caplin · 25/11/2019 22:57

You have basically just described my brother who is now 34, but he was the same from early teen years.

He is on the autistic spectrum with anti social personality disorder.

He was arrested age 19, nothing changed. He has been arrested several times since, but nothing works. Personally I feel my parents should have forced him to help himself earlier, sadly now he is incapable. He still lives with my dad and is manipulative, abusive and has stolen and sold everything that is precious from everyone around him.

Sorry, I’m not really helping, but I feel that forcing him to get help and face consequences is all you can do, but be prepared that it may not work. A record means he can’t get certain jobs/ get visas for certain countries e.g US. For holidays. Not that this should stop you....

FraglesRock · 25/11/2019 23:02

Zombie thread
But I missed your thread first time around. Hoping your family is feeling healed and ds is doing well in ireland.

Caplin · 25/11/2019 23:04

Oops, spotted that this is 9ld! Well done for being so strong!!!

Collision · 25/11/2019 23:04

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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