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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday present for DSD- should it stay here?

234 replies

neverendingflorist · 18/04/2019 16:14

For my DSD birthday me and my DP got her a TV. She stays with us every other weekend. As it is a TV we planned for it to stay here in our house in her bedroom. DSD seemed really happy with present and didn't ask to take it with her.

When she went home we got a really angry text from her mum saying we are selfish for getting her a TV and making her keep it at our house, that the TV was for our benefit more than DSD as she was only here every other weekend, that she couldn't believe we would do that to her and that she was going to come and collect it to take to her house so DSD could actually use her present.

So were we being unreasonable to do this? Should she take the TV? Really unsure whether we should let her. My gut says no but wanted to get other opinions.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 18/04/2019 16:16

If she has no tv in her room at home then I think it’s fair enough She takes it to where she will be most of the time.

Floralnomad · 18/04/2019 16:16

Does she have her own room at your house where the TV will be , if so YANBU , if it’s a shared room and hence a present for others then I’d agree with her mum to a degree .

Lllot5 · 18/04/2019 16:16

No that’s daft she can’t lug it backwards and forwards can she. Your house in her bedroom seems reasonable to me.

Bbang · 18/04/2019 16:18

Lmao what?!

She really said she’s going to come and take your property from your home?

What a loon. Tell her it’s staying at yours and if she turns up you’ll have the police remove her.

Absolutely nothing wrong with the TV staying at yours, that’s her TV to use when she’s in her second home.

By her mums logic then you should surely be able to use everything’s she’s bought for her own home every other weekend? Though I have a feeling she won’t of considered that angle.

DizzyPhillips · 18/04/2019 16:18

Meh. Either way I don’t see why it’s something to get so angry about 🤷🏻‍♀️ It must be an exhausting way to live. The mum, I mean

CalmdownJanet · 18/04/2019 16:18

Yanbu. Usually I think a gift should be taken home but not a TV, that's madness.

Does she have her own room at your house? Does she share at her other house?

Original poster
neverendingflorist · 18/04/2019 16:18

She has her own room here (no one will be using the TV other than her) and does not have a TV in her room at her mums.

OP posts:
coolestmum · 18/04/2019 16:19

If she has her own room at yours then I'd expect the TV to be left there for her to enjoy when at your house. Its not really the sort of present to take to the other house. Only time that would be ok is if she never stayed at yours or shared a room.

TixieLix · 18/04/2019 16:21

If she has no tv in her room at home, and that's where it would be kept, then not too unreasonable to take it there if that's the house where she spends most of her time. Is it very big? If manageable could it be brought back and forth when she comes to stay with you? Obviously wouldn't work if she's collected from school or something, but just an idea.

I think it's a bit rude of DSD's mother to text that message though. Would have been better if she'd called your DP and had a civil conversation about it.

Littleduckeggblue · 18/04/2019 16:21

1000% keep it at your house. All of my SD belongings that we buy her stay at our house.

bridgetreilly · 18/04/2019 16:21

YANBU.

CalmdownJanet · 18/04/2019 16:21

Definitely nbu so if she has her own bedroom at yours

mummytothree87 · 18/04/2019 16:21

I'd tell her to go spin. If she wants her to have a tv in her room she can fork out for her own cheeky bint. what is she going to do? lug it back and forward between houses every other weekend. Definitely tell her its staying at yours

HopefulAgain10 · 18/04/2019 16:22

Ignore the nutjob mother. If she thinks yourll are selfish, what does that make her for not buying one for their place.

NailsNeedDoing · 18/04/2019 16:24

I can see why you'd want it to stay at yours, but i can also understand Mum feeling a bit bad that her dd has a nice luxury at her Dads that she hasn't got in her main home. She has responded completely unreasonably so I'd ignore her and just ask dsd what she wants to do, but but I will admit to the odd feeling of jealousy when there's something better at Dads house than I can provide for the home our children live in.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 18/04/2019 16:25

If she thinks yourll are selfish, what does that make her for not buying one for their place.

I would imagine she bought her daughter something else for her birthday.

FakeEmpire · 18/04/2019 16:25

Why don't you ask her what she would prefer. It was a gift after all.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/04/2019 16:25

Given that it's your dsd tv, which it is because you gifted it to her, I would let her make the decision. Seems only fair to me.

Bbang · 18/04/2019 16:26

What @Mummy said.

If she wants a TV send her some links to cheap ones and she can go out and buy one, I could understand a tablet being brought back and forth but a whole tv? Wtf?
She’s being a chancer, tell her no.

Zampa · 18/04/2019 16:26

YANBU to keep the TV at yours.

My DSC are welcome to take presents backwards and forwards between homes if it's truly portable (clothes, jewellery, books etc.). Items like skateboards or bikes stay with us.

Items that aren't presents but still being to the DSC like clothes and shoes stay with us (as otherwise they never come back and we have to buy again).

TheCloserYouGetTheSlowerIGo · 18/04/2019 16:28

All dsd gifts stay here. Her mum at first kicked off and we just said we'll she needs stuff here to play with. Her reply was buy more then! So she basically wanted us to kit out her house and ours lol.
Then once dsd took something home to show mummy. When she came next time she said mummy binned it because she said it looked rubbish!.
It wasn't it was a glass painting kit. But even if it was a macdonalds toy she should never of said to dsd its rubbish.

stoplickingthetelly · 18/04/2019 16:29

I can see where the mum’s coming from tbh. It’s your dsd present, but she can only use it for 2 days out of every 14. If it was at her main home she could use it 12 days out of 14. The mum has handled the situation badly but I do feel it’s a bit mean to give a lovely present like a tv that can hardly be used.

CripsSandwiches · 18/04/2019 16:30

If she has no TV in her bedroom at home it seems odd that she'd want to keep it at the bedroom she spends the least time at so I would have thought if it was a birthday present she'd bring it back to her mum's. Seems odd the mum got so angry about it though.

Grumpyoldblonde · 18/04/2019 16:32

You gave her a gift, the tv should go home with her.

Nanny0gg · 18/04/2019 16:33

How old is she?

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