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Original poster

Birthday present for DSD- should it stay here?

234 replies

neverendingflorist · 18/04/2019 16:14

For my DSD birthday me and my DP got her a TV. She stays with us every other weekend. As it is a TV we planned for it to stay here in our house in her bedroom. DSD seemed really happy with present and didn't ask to take it with her.

When she went home we got a really angry text from her mum saying we are selfish for getting her a TV and making her keep it at our house, that the TV was for our benefit more than DSD as she was only here every other weekend, that she couldn't believe we would do that to her and that she was going to come and collect it to take to her house so DSD could actually use her present.

So were we being unreasonable to do this? Should she take the TV? Really unsure whether we should let her. My gut says no but wanted to get other opinions.

OP posts:
Cheby · 18/04/2019 18:02

It’s fine for the TV to stay with you. Christ knows how many times I’ve read on here that the non-resident parent’s home is just as much the child’s home as the one where they live most of the time.

Non resident parents buy things for their kids to stay at their houses. Clothes, toiletries, toys, bedding, books, etc. This is just an extension of that. If the mum wants her to have a TV at her house she can buy one. And there is NFW I’d be letting her take it after the way she spoke about it. Totally out of order.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 18/04/2019 18:02

Easiest thing would be to ask her surely? It's hers after all.

Guyliner · 18/04/2019 18:02

Nothing to do qith the mum really but seems a bit crap to have a telly you only get to use 12 out of 14 days. I wonder if dsd asked her to have a word?

Cheby · 18/04/2019 18:03

My step son is welcome to take anything from our house to his mums if he wanted. But I would draw the line at lugging a TV back and forth

Exactly. What if DSD liked the bed or desk she has at her dad’s more than the one at home. Should they just go straight to the mum’s house as well?

MrsBertBibby · 18/04/2019 18:04

Wow the stepmother hate in here is strong!

Of course the telly should stay at your home, OP.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 18/04/2019 18:05

you have been on MN long enough to know that if you don't clarify exactly what you mean your post and words will be twisted no end.

Rubbish. Everyone know what “mum” means. Stop being silly. You’ve clearly been here long enough too to know that’s birthmum is goody.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 18/04/2019 18:05

goady

Waveysnail · 18/04/2019 18:06

If you can afford it then I'd buy a second TV so she has one for her dads and one for her mum.

EmeraldShamrock · 18/04/2019 18:06

As I don't have her age, As reasonable co parents, I think you all could have discussed the TV. Her DM probably did not want her to have a tv in her room, now she has one, there is the next problem of only having the TV part time.
If you wanted a TV in her room, not wrap it as a gift.
If she is only there 4 days a month, I'd be pissed off if I was her DM. She manages at least 24 days without tucking a TV in her room.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 18/04/2019 18:07

If the father and step-mum buy a king-size bed

You mean birth father surely? Otherwise no-one knows who you mean.

TessaL23 · 18/04/2019 18:08

It's her tv, let her choose which house she wants to keep it at. Obviously.

HairycakeLinehan · 18/04/2019 18:09

Frankly her dad only sees her 2 days a fortnight, he should be focused on quality time then not that she can pass those weekends watching tv in her room.

I thought this too actually.

HairycakeLinehan · 18/04/2019 18:10

I find it most peculiar how many people are comparing a birthday gift to a bloody bed though! Oh what luxurious lives these SCs lead, beds and everything gifted to them Wink

RainbowWaffles · 18/04/2019 18:11

Exactly. What if DSD liked the bed or desk she has at her dad’s more than the one at home. Should they just go straight to the mum’s house as well?

It would depend on whether these items were provided as furniture for use at dad’s house or specifically given as a birthday gift.

It would never have occurred to me to buy DSC’s anything for exclusive use at our house as a gift. If I ever saw they left things we got them as presents I just assumed they didn’t like them that much! Things like a games console for use at our house, we just purchased rather than gifted although at some point they did ask to take that to their mum’s so they could use it more as they had a different one at home. It wasn’t a big deal to let them as they could also bring it back if they wanted to play it.

Farmerswifey12 · 18/04/2019 18:11

I think you gave her the present so it is up to her where it goes. If she wants it at her mum's then so be it. Has anyone actually asked her?

(Though her mum should have dealt with the situation more calmly )

daisypond · 18/04/2019 18:12

The tv is a present for the child . It is not furniture for her bedroom. It is nothing like wallpaper or a wardrobe or other things that furnish a room.

HiHoToffee · 18/04/2019 18:18

It is bit of a strange present, it will be mostly gathering dust rather than being enjoyed.
And do you really want her to spend lots of time in her room if she only sees you every other weekend?

Futureisland · 18/04/2019 18:19

My sons dad always does this. Buys our son things like tvs, xbox, laptops etc and says they are for his house only (also alternative weekends). I have never pulled him up on it but it does annoy me. I think you should give your dsd the choice. After all the gift is hers. My sons dad doesn't let him take anything home and therefore my feelings are that the xbox, laptop etc are really for him and not my son.

If she already had a tv at her other house then I would be on your side but this was a gift to her. Check what she wants to do with it. Seems a waste it sitting unused.

Babuchak · 18/04/2019 18:24

And do you really want her to spend lots of time in her room if she only sees you every other weekend?

good grief, step parent and non resident parents cannot win with some people, can they. Try to give a kid a nice bedroom, what a crime.

grumiosmum · 18/04/2019 18:25

Actually, I think a TV is part of the furniture. And so stays at the Dad's house.

If it was a laptop or tablet, that would be different. But it isn't.

Order654 · 18/04/2019 18:27

Tv should stay at your house.

Lunde · 18/04/2019 18:30

It was a birthday gift to DSD - surely she gets to decide where she wants her TV?

HiHoToffee · 18/04/2019 18:30

Nothing wrong with a nice bedroom and a child spending time in there, it just seems to be a bit of a shame seeing the limited time they spend together.
Ofcourse it all depends on the age of the child, teenagers hardly leave their bedrooms.

IDrinkAndISewThings · 18/04/2019 18:34

TV stays at your house in her room.
If you'd bought it for her room at home you'd likely have gotten grief that her mum didn't want her to have a tv in her room. Damned if you do damned you don't.

EmeraldShamrock · 18/04/2019 18:36

Comparing furniture to a birthday gift is like comparing apples to steak. TV isn't a gift for a young child, presuming she is young.