Was I racist?

[tweetyfinch]

So I recently got into a really pointless argument with a friend of a friend. We were both drunk at the time. This was the first time I had met fof.

Anyways, we got on to the topic of me getting a recent promotion in work. He retorted that I only got this promotion because my workplace is trying to have more working class women in top jobs.

This really pissed me off so I said to him (his parents are Indian), that’s so not true; how would you feel if I said you only got your job because your corporation wanted more brown people?

(Yes I know I shouldn’t have said this but I was offended and it was jussive)

Anyways the night moved on and we were a bit frosty but ok by the end.

Fast forward 3 months later; I go to my friend’s party and get introduced to friend of friend again, and their shared friendship group. I could see two women whispering about me on the sofa but ignored it, thought they were likely wondering who I was. Later on in a chat someone quite forwardly asked me “are you quite right wing too?” er no!

The night continues and someone whispers to me that the friend of the friend was telling everyone I was a racist! WTF. So now an entire flat of professionals whom I may need to deal with in future think I’m some sort of racist.

Wht makes it worse is that my friend knew he was telling people!

No, I don’t think you were.

You shouldn’t have said what u said but the he shouldn’t have said what he said.

He sounds absolutely vile. I am sorry , from another Indian person, that he has spread horrid rumours about you. How embarrassing. Is this for real?!

whoops that should have said was not jussive !

Unfortunately this is for real; it’s actually made me consider my friendship with the middle man as I thought he’d stick up for me.

Does he think you were racist because you said ‘brown’ people? That’s not
Something I would say to a person of colour unless we were mates and it was clear I was

being, ironic or silly in some way - the same way friends can call me ‘lezzer’ mucking around, being silly but from anyone else - probably just homophobic. Because if you said ‘brown’ - frankly, i’d Think that racist.

I COMPLETELY get where you were coming from.

But you immediately "lost" by using the word "brown". You just lost any moral high ground at that point.

And the evidence for that is that you continue to lose because he's now quoting it and people are picking up on it, and you admit you used the word "brown".
The only way back from this is if you're a "something" yourself.

Otherwise, I think he's out-played you. Sorry.

As a working class woman myself, I have to say that unfortunately in my opinion, we're maligned in many sections of society and I've met with quite shocking comments here on MN which plop us into the lowest of the low in many people's minds.

It's a case of how dare you try to get ahead...not only are you a woman but you're also one from a council estate! The man in question sounds like a sexist twat.

You weren't racist. He was sexist and also ignorant about your social status.

Yeah I agree - your intentions were fine, good, fair enough point but I agree you shouldn’t have said brown. You should have said “Asian” or similar... but I still think not the worst in the world, just poorly chosen phrasing.

The conversation wasn't racist but your choice of words could be considered so. I'm white so I won't claim to know what people of other races might consider racist.

He was definitely a sexist(classist?!?) twat regardless of colour.

Did you mention to others what started all this?

One comment was sexist and your comment could be perceived as racist.

I wouldn't perceive it that way personally. I'd see it as striking back for his ridiculous comment, which was uncalled for.

Eh! What's wrong with saying brown people ?!

I'm brown (well technically I'm cream but yknow ) and I don't find it racist in the least! It's like saying white people or black people. Why should brown be any different ?

I think he was a sexist twat though!

if you said ‘brown’ - frankly, i’d Think that racist.
Why? What a bizarre thing to think.

I don’t think you can really say brown without expecting people to think you’re racist.

But then again, he sounds like a cunt.

No, you were not being racist. Navigating the language of race and sex these days is so difficult because of twats like him and his friends. All the achieve in the process is trivialising real racism by lumping it all in together.

There's nothing wrong with saying brown people. It's an acceptable term.

My husbands brown, I’m white our children are beautiful olivey coloured, none of us is Asian.

@DocusDiplo why do you feel you need to apologise on behalf of Indian people? Are you not an individual as is the OPs work colleague? Because you're Indian too means you get to give OP a pass on behalf of all Indians?

Anyway in response to the OP it doesn't appear you were being racist but then we don't know the entirety of your character. Perhaps you've said other things in the past that when taken together with your comment to your colleague has lead him to think you're racist

He was sexist/classist you were racist.

2 wrongs don't make a right. That's my view.

But he should've addressed it with you rather than slating you to one and all.

You need to be more careful with what you say. If he was posting I'd be telling him the same. You were born out of order and being drunk is no excuse.

@lboogy it was a friend of a friend that she met for the first time when the conversation happened.

Graphista She was not racist and I'm the first person to call out racism.

She made a comparison. If he's allowed to mention her sex and class, then she can mention his race. She didn't accuse him of getting ahead due to his race. Merely asked him how he'd feel if he had a promotion and someone said it was due to ticking race boxes.

Boogy I think Doclus was letting OP know that she personally didn't find OP's comment racist.

brown isn't racist.

I'm brown, my db is brown and has always said he was brown.

He's a knobber

He was an arse and you had a fair point, but unfortunately you lost because race is more oppressed than sex, and a race to the bottom would never end well.

You have my sympathy. At school I remember my hearing aid wearing friend having a go at me saying "at least I'm not blind" (I wore glasses) and I retorted "at lest I'm not deaf". Hoooboy did that cause a stink. I'm both blind and deaf now (not really, but I wear glasses and hearing aids) and I still don't think my comment was worse than hers... but I get why it caused more upset and outrage.

No, you weren't racist, you called him out on being a prejudice arrogant twat and he panicked and three out the word racist because it made him feel better about what he said.

I would told everyone exactly what he said to you and how hurtful it was.

I'd say the both of you were a bit crass. Saying someone is brown is not on but neither is alluding to a working class woman as incapable.

If the whispery gossipers are determined, this could run and run but I do hope it blows over and you both learn to choose your words.