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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I racist?

161 replies

tweetyfinch · 18/04/2019 00:41

So I recently got into a really pointless argument with a friend of a friend. We were both drunk at the time. This was the first time I had met fof.

Anyways, we got on to the topic of me getting a recent promotion in work. He retorted that I only got this promotion because my workplace is trying to have more working class women in top jobs. Confused

This really pissed me off so I said to him (his parents are Indian), that’s so not true; how would you feel if I said you only got your job because your corporation wanted more brown people?

(Yes I know I shouldn’t have said this but I was offended and it was jussive)

Anyways the night moved on and we were a bit frosty but ok by the end.

Fast forward 3 months later; I go to my friend’s party and get introduced to friend of friend again, and their shared friendship group. I could see two women whispering about me on the sofa but ignored it, thought they were likely wondering who I was. Later on in a chat someone quite forwardly asked me “are you quite right wing too?” er no!

The night continues and someone whispers to me that the friend of the friend was telling everyone I was a racist! WTF. So now an entire flat of professionals whom I may need to deal with in future think I’m some sort of racist.

Wht makes it worse is that my friend knew he was telling people!

OP posts:
redwines · 18/04/2019 07:39

As a brown person myself, I find all these goady self righteous posters deploring the term to be hilarious. Get over yourselves! It's not 1996 London again... "oh I'm so progressive"

If you constantly are watching your language, then what are you hiding? Some hidden feelings?

Busymummylady · 18/04/2019 07:45

As a Caribbean-Indian woman, if you said it the way you said it on here, no I wouldn’t take it as being racist just comparative. You appeared to have placed him in your shoes by asking a rhetorical question also.

Now try to stop worrying about it. If you are worried you can either speak to the person directly. Or just be content with knowing you aren’t racist and that whatever the reason for the promotion in his eyes, you GOT A PROMOTION enjoy it.

People will see you aren’t racist by the way you act and speak over time and when it matters.
Congratulations again!

BertrandRussell · 18/04/2019 07:47

“I don't really like the word black cos it seems very ... I don't know... no-one has a black skin colour! I cringe when I have to use it! I try and just sat the specific nationality instead.”
What- like English, French, Scottish?

Thecabbageassasin · 18/04/2019 07:53

The guy is a knob, you’ve not done anything wrong.
I bet in the re-telling of your encounter he omitted the sexist/ classist comment that initiated it. You made a fair comparison and he didn’t like his shitty attitude being flagged.
Try to make sure you get your side across, In the spirit of fairness.

Singlenotsingle · 18/04/2019 07:55

People are very quick to accuse others of being racist. It's the ultimate epithet, thrown around at every opportunity. And if it's not racist to call someone black (or white), why is it racist to call someone brown!

NoonAim · 18/04/2019 08:02

Jussive - I had to look it up too and am none the wiser Confused

You were not racist OP, he was a complete knob.

BettyBigBollocks · 18/04/2019 08:05

Genuinely shocked at the amount of posters here saying that using the word “brown” is racist. The OP clearly wasn’t being racist, she was using an analogy as a retort to his disgusting comment re. her promotion. At no point did she say “you’ve only got your job because you’re brown”. Good grief.

And wtf is this: I’m fairly sure if a student called another student “brown” they’d be reprimanded.
Is that a joke? Would a student with brown skin be reprimanded for calling a white student “white”?

BertrandRussell · 18/04/2019 08:06

“People are very quick to accuse others of being racist”

Actually, people, in my experience, are much quicker to defend,deny and minimise racism. Purely on the strength of the OP, this guy is a complete dick. But I have had so many experiences of the innocent wide eyed “But I only said....that’s not racist, surely!!! that I think i’d have to reserve judgement til I’d heard both sides.

Oakenbeach · 18/04/2019 08:11

@Graphista

He was sexist/classist you were racist.

Confused

He was sexist/classist. But she was NOT racist!
She called out his sexism by using the analogy of race. She didn’t for one moment that he only got a job because he was brown.

And as for using the word “brown”... It’s clear that many Asian people are absolutely fine with this, so it’s hardly using the N word.

And just because someone uses a word to describe race that’s not the “acceptable word/phrase of the moment” doesn’t make someone racist. Racism these days often seems as much about whether or not you’re using this month’s fashionable term to describe race as actual prejudice.

alaric77 · 18/04/2019 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rach182 · 18/04/2019 08:13

As an ethnic minority and a working class woman, I don't think you were being racist and I think your point was a good one. Also I'm not sure why people are suggesting that use of the word brown is racist. I think "coloured" or "yellow" to describe a Chinese person would be offensive language, but as a brown person, I wouldn't get offended.

I think frankly, your friend is a knob and you've been out manouvered by him. It'll be hard to defend yourself though unfortunately as he got in there first.

Karigan195 · 18/04/2019 08:14

This is a total minefield. I get trained in discrimination once a year due to work policy and frankly which words are or are not deemed racist have changed so often I now don’t actually know which terms are preferred.

No you weren’t being racist. You were comparing one form of discrimination with another in a hypothetical question. But reality is that it’s such a sensitive topic it takes very very little for people to claim you are.

Dieu · 18/04/2019 08:14

You gave as good as you got. YANBU.

BertrandRussell · 18/04/2019 08:16

“ I get trained in discrimination once a year due to work policy and frankly which words are or are not deemed racist have changed so often I now don’t actually know which terms are preferred. ”

Really? Can you give us a couple of examples?

Rach182 · 18/04/2019 08:17

It's funny because all the brown people on here are saying it's fine (it's only racist if the context it's used in is racist). And yet you've still got loads of non-brown people insisting it's a racist term.

I think that's your answer... in the eyes of people in real life like that, you're a racist.

DizzyPhillips · 18/04/2019 08:19

This thread is fucking ridiculous. Of course you weren’t racist.

Moneys2Tight2Mention · 18/04/2019 08:25

You weren't racist, how ridiculous! You were just not "politically correct", it's NOT the same thing.

He sounds like a twat.

LemonTT · 18/04/2019 08:29

Some people do see the use of the word brown as racist so it was an ill judged response that has back fired. You just echoed his comment but in what some people consider a racist way.

Whether you, or pp, like it or not there are a lot of people who get outrageously offended over anything in this day and age. This is easily manipulated.

I don’t know what the context was for his comment and it could be that he meant there has been historic prejudice against working class people and women in some industries. He was identifying with the issue of people being held back and believes unless employers take action it will continue. That it is unusual for someone like you to be promoted and other employers would hold you back. Maybe not. Best way to find out and indeed challenge it is to ask him to explain what he means. When someone goes low, you should go high. Not lower.

NorthernKnickers · 18/04/2019 08:29

Another one here...had to google 'jussive'...still none the wiser! And it can't have been a typo as the OP clarified that it was 'not jussive' as opposed to 'jussive', so 🤷‍♀️

OP...please let us know what this means! I can't even work it out in context of your sentence (and I'm generally very good at this, being a primary school teacher and English specialist for my LEA!)

And no, I don't think you were being racist, just a bit naive in word choice! He, on the other hand, is a prize knob!

Missingstreetlife · 18/04/2019 08:31

Contrary, what do you think racism is. It's prejudice, with power. Where did op show predjudice? She just asked a question to turn his own sexist question back on him

Acis · 18/04/2019 08:34

No, your point was perfectly valid. I hope you spread the word that this man is sexist?

brizzlemint · 18/04/2019 08:34

I'd be pissed off with that comment, it's borderline racist IMO.

Wheresmyvagina · 18/04/2019 08:37

I don't really like the word black cos it seems very ... I don't know... no-one has a black skin colour! I cringe when I have to use it!

Black is a political and social category. Black people need to be seen and valued for being black - don't try to remove the language we use to define black people. Your cringing is all to do with your own internalised discomfort with race.

pictish · 18/04/2019 08:42

He’s a twat. You’re not a racist, you responded in kind to make a point about how rude he had been.
So this guy insults you then takes offence when you hand it back to him?
Absolute wanker. I’m sorry you encountered this.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 18/04/2019 08:42

It isn’t racist to mention someone’s skin tone. You don’t need to use some faux polite identifier like “Asian” if what you mean is “brown”. I’m baffled by people’s discomfort over this. Surely you know enough people who aren’t white to have got over any vocab problems?Confused