To not let him see the kids

[Insywinsyy]

Last week DP took DD’s to a trampoline park where DD (7) lost her mobile phone. We got her another over the weekend but she couldn’t remember her iCloud login details so DP logged into his account on her phone so she was able to put some Apps and stuff back on to it.

Last night DD (7) came in from her friends, handed me her phone and said there was an album titled “hidden” and it didn’t have very nice things in it. So I obviously took the phone and checked and to my absolute horror and disgust there were numerous porn pictures and some pretty graphic porn videos.

I quickly deleted everything from the album and said to her I would tell him to sign out of his account on her phone and we would make her a new account.

Because he had signed into his iCloud on her phone, all his pics and videos also went on to her phone.

I have honestly never felt so ill in my life, the fact he even had this stuff in his phone is bad enough but for my 7 year old to have been exposed to this is making me feel sick to my stomach, to say the least.

I didn’t want to cause a scene last night in front of the kids but I did ask him to sleep on the sofa as I couldn’t bare him being near me. This morning when the kids went to school I told him I wanted him to leave. At first he refused to go and said it wasn’t his fault those pictures ended up there!!

The house is mine, everything is in my name so I told him if he didn’t go I would call the police to remove him. Eventually he went.

I have a 12 day old baby and he has just text me asking if he can take the baby to see his aunt later. I really don’t want him near us but I don’t know if stopping him seeing the kids is the right thing to do either. Would I be unreasonable to tell him he can’t take the baby to see his aunt?

And YouTube is an app but it needs Internet

He had graphic porn on a phone without any sort of security on it.

The porn was from his phone

@Whodafeck

And? An app that needs WiFi does not mean the child is accessing the internet. Who said her parents had no idea what she’d put on the phone - they couldn’t remember the login details for the icloud - how is that not knowing what was on the phone?

Nothing must stand between a man and his wank material.

Do you know what sort of stuff she could access on You Tube? And how potentially vulnerable she is using Facetime? She does not need an iPhone.

The WiFi is Internet ffs.

Regardless of why she got the phone in the first place etc..

You must realise now she's too young for one? Please take it off her.

You adults are both to blame, for not sorting out her iCloud account cleanly. I won't get into the debate about whether children this young should have phones, but the adults are in the wrong jointly, it is not wrong of him to have the photos on his account. A rookie mistake which has blown up in your faces!

If anyone needs their phone taken off them it’s the dad. He was the one who misused his!

While it's not an ideal situation, YABU to kick him out and ban him from seeing his children, I really hope you start to see this soon.
Why should the children lose their father because you are being so dramatic over a genuine mistake?

Using WiFi for an app and actually accessing the internet aren’t the same ffs!

you are being so dramatic over a genuine mistake

It’s a huge mistake that exposed his own child and possibly other children to pornography - which is a child protection issue. Oh, and he denied responsibility.

“It’s a huge mistake that exposed his own child and possibly other children to pornography - which is a child protection issue. Oh, and he denied responsibility.”

This.

Yes they are user, when it comes to YouTube.

I suggest you educate yourself and quickly!

It’s a huge mistake that exposed his own child and possibly other children to pornography - which is a child protection issue. Oh, and he denied responsibility

Exactly!

Lots of children have electronic devices these days. It's not unusual for children to play in an iPad or a phone and at seven my dd was using them in school.

Why didn't you just set up a whole new Apple ID for her? If she couldn't restore from her own iCloud backups then you should have set it up as a new phone. The whole point of iCloud on multiple devices is to sync the content between multiple devices. I can be doing something on phone and continue where I left off on my iPad or Mac. That's the whole bloody point of iCloud along with recovering all the content on a new phone: How can he not have known it would go on his phone?alsi why the photos of himself? Who is he taking them for?

I don't watch porn but there's content on my phone unsuitable for a child, I take screenshots of silly shot I see and send to my husband, like dildos on a woman's windowsill in background type stuff.

His iMessage aren't coming up on her phone too are they?

Restart the phone and set up as new creating her own Apple ID and a fresh iCloud device. Use every available security measure Tell her she did the right thing in alerting you to what she's found and if your husband if adult enough to use porn he should be responsible enough to not use it on a device children can access. If she's knows his passcode and plays on it she could have easily found it that way.

No they’re not. Using WiFi to watch videos on an app is completely different to using WiFi to access the internet and being able to access EVERYTHING on the World Wide Web.

Where do you think those videos come from?

The child will have been able to access all kinds of things.

If you tube couldn’t go on the internet the child couldn’t watch anything.

Why is it "misuse" for someone to use their phone to store pornography? Particularly in circumstances where their partner has no problem with them viewing porn.

This was obviously a terrible mistake but denying children a relationship with a loving father over an error like this seems disproportionate.

He said it "wasn't his fault" after his wife told him to leave the family home. It was a reaction in the heat of the moment - not a considered, rational reaction to the incident. Saying that he denies responsibility seems a little harsh.

A YouTube App isn’t going to have graphic porn on it is it? You have to access the internet for that

I don't think I have ever seen such an overreaction

To try to deny a man his kids and kids their father based on a genuine mistake is appalling.

User. You’re wrong. The you tube app has the same things in it as you tube on the internet. Yes it has porn on it, depending on what you search for. The app is no guarantee of safety.

You’re completely wrong.

What 7 year old has a phone, let alone an iPhone?

Honest mistake on your husbands part. Yes you Abu!

“Why is it "misuse" for someone to use their phone to store pornography?” it isn’t. It’s the action of a contemptible excuse for a human being, but it’s not misuse. “Misuse” is giving a 7 year old access to it.

He said it "wasn't his fault" after his wife told him to leave the family home. It was a reaction in the heat of the moment - not a considered, rational reaction to the incident. Saying that he denies responsibility seems a little harsh.

I’m sure there were many possible reactions, including:
“I can’t believe I was so stupid”
“I promise it was genuinely an accident”
“I’m so sorry”

Or, my personal preference:
“I’m worried that DD might have been upset by it.”

But no, apparently his reaction was to avoid blame.
So yes, I think it’s fair to say that he denied responsibility. Which suggests to me that he didn’t think it was a big deal. And that’s why I think the OP is NBU, at least until/unless her partner gains some perspective.