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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not let him see the kids

313 replies

Insywinsyy · 17/04/2019 12:56

Last week DP took DD’s to a trampoline park where DD (7) lost her mobile phone. We got her another over the weekend but she couldn’t remember her iCloud login details so DP logged into his account on her phone so she was able to put some Apps and stuff back on to it.

Last night DD (7) came in from her friends, handed me her phone and said there was an album titled “hidden” and it didn’t have very nice things in it. So I obviously took the phone and checked and to my absolute horror and disgust there were numerous porn pictures and some pretty graphic porn videos.

I quickly deleted everything from the album and said to her I would tell him to sign out of his account on her phone and we would make her a new account.

Because he had signed into his iCloud on her phone, all his pics and videos also went on to her phone.

I have honestly never felt so ill in my life, the fact he even had this stuff in his phone is bad enough but for my 7 year old to have been exposed to this is making me feel sick to my stomach, to say the least.

I didn’t want to cause a scene last night in front of the kids but I did ask him to sleep on the sofa as I couldn’t bare him being near me. This morning when the kids went to school I told him I wanted him to leave. At first he refused to go and said it wasn’t his fault those pictures ended up there!!

The house is mine, everything is in my name so I told him if he didn’t go I would call the police to remove him. Eventually he went.

I have a 12 day old baby and he has just text me asking if he can take the baby to see his aunt later. I really don’t want him near us but I don’t know if stopping him seeing the kids is the right thing to do either. Would I be unreasonable to tell him he can’t take the baby to see his aunt?

OP posts:
LittleChristmasMouse · 18/04/2019 15:14

You don’t have to have a card attached to the account.

Fair enough. As I said, I've never had one, for some reason my husband couldn't set up an account for my dd without entering bank card details. No idea why then if you don't need to.

BertrandRussell

No, no proof that the OP didn't have parental controls and stuff set up. But even then, no guarantee that things can't get through and if her dd is allowed to take the phone out and to her friends houses her on line activity isn't being supervised is it?

Pyeeyed · 18/04/2019 15:43

Oh seriously, fucking yawnnnnn at the “a 7year old should not have a phone or access to the internet” brigade!

Literally MILLIONS of children of this age and younger have tablets, phones, laptops and ACCESS TO THE BLOODY INTERNET!! It’s not bad parenting to allow children these things, they use tablets in school for goodness sake!! The access to the internet is not the issue here, the issue is that a 7 year old had access to pictures and videos of a pornographic nature (which are absolutely nothing to do with the internet or having a device with the internet on it) by her negligent father. I would think that if the father was allowing the child to have access to his phone, the OP would trust that there was nothing on the phone of that nature. He is her father after all, so why are you all blaming the OP, but for the dad it’s a genuine mistake?

Oh and where are the “posts” where the OP says DD is nearly 8? She mentioned it one time, not several.

This thread shows the bullying and judgemental arsehole nature of mumsnet at its finest.

Pyeeyed · 18/04/2019 15:47

Also, the OP said that the phone didn’t have a SIM card - so if the phone was taken out of the house, how the fuck can the DD access the internet on it? She couldn’t! So there would be no unsupervised accessing of the internet or even watching YouTube videos if the phone was taken out of the house 🤦🏽‍♀️

outpinked · 18/04/2019 15:50

Your seven year old shouldn’t have a phone, that’s the first point.

Second point is he was foolish and perhaps naive but I don’t think it’s grounds to prevent access to his DC at all, no. I understand why you’re upset but he hasn’t been abusive nor neglectful in any way.

VampireSlayer19 · 18/04/2019 15:53

Forget the child having a phone - why does she have Facebook and FaceTime???

Facebook at that age can be a lot more damaging than accidentally seeing porn.

Please get her off social media until the recommended age which I am sure is more like 12!

youknowmedontyou · 18/04/2019 15:56

Your DH also needs to get the house in his name also, everything being in your name just means you can call all the shots always.... not fair.

Pyeeyed · 18/04/2019 15:59

@VampireSlayer19

Where does is mention anything about Facebook on this thread???

Pyeeyed · 18/04/2019 16:00

And the recommended age for Facebook is 14 actually - just in case you let your 12 year old have access to it Hmm

LittleChristmasMouse · 18/04/2019 16:02

Also, the OP said that the phone didn’t have a SIM card - so if the phone was taken out of the house, how the fuck can the DD access the internet on it?
Do you not log on to wifi when out and about then? Most places have it - restaurants, mcdonalds, hospitals etc.

The little girl takes it to the neighbour's house so that they can play games etc. No doubt logs onto neighbour's wifi (or even home wifi depending on how strong the signal is).

VampireSlayer19 · 18/04/2019 16:03

I don’t have kids hence wasn’t sure of age.

She said reason child has phone is to FaceTime her friend

Pyeeyed · 18/04/2019 16:07

You wrote Facebook. FaceTime Is a video calling feature on an iPhone, it has nothing to do with Facebook:

Pyeeyed · 18/04/2019 16:09

How do you know the neighbour even has WiFi or if the child logged on to it? Stop making assumptions.

As I said before, seeing pictures on a phone or tablet or smart device has absolutely nothing to do with the internet.

VampireSlayer19 · 18/04/2019 16:11

Then my mistake I thought FaceTime was to do with Facebook!

Just been corrected by my DH to!

Although I personally think 7 is too young for a smart phone.

LittleChristmasMouse · 18/04/2019 16:17

Pyeeyed

Because the OP says that her dd goes to the neighbour's house to do stuff on her phone with the neighbour's older daughter.

I would imagine that requires them to get on line.

Anyway it is immaterial. You stated that without a sim card the dd coukd not go on line. Which is completely untrue. She can go on line any place that she can connect to wifi.

BertrandRussell · 18/04/2019 16:30

But hey, let’s talk about anything except that this man let his child see graphic porn. Let’s suggest the child is sneaking out to access the internet, and that her mother is negligent for not double checking what the child was doing. Let’s shift the blame anywhere but where it belongs.

Pyeeyed · 18/04/2019 16:33

The OP said DD took the phone to a neighbours to play games. 99% of kids game apps do not need internet access to enable a person to play them.

The OP’s DD took the phone to a trampoline park also.

Taking the phone to both of these places, to access the internet, yes the phone would need to be connected to Wifi.

Not a single person on this thread has any proof that the DD connected to the WiFi when the phone was taken to these places, thus, they do not have any proof that the DD had any access to the internet when the phone was not in the family home.

If the phone was taken outside - i.e. if the DD had the phone out when she was say, out playing - without a sim there is absolutely no way she would be able to access the internet or watch videos on YouTube.

BUT

The DD would always have access to the photos, regardless of whether the phone was connected to WiFi or not. The internet thing is not the issue here because it is only based on assumptions. No one knows of the DD had access to the internet outwith the family home. No one knows if the internet use in the family home was unsupervised or did not have parental control.

You are all badgering the OP based on your own stupid assumptions. A lot of the comments are of a bullying nature. It’s fucking disgusting.

LittleChristmasMouse · 18/04/2019 16:38

And I've already said they are 2 different issues.

Yes, deal with the pictures that were on the phone absolutely.

But for me, the risk doesn't end there. If the dd has unsupervised access to the internet via an iphone then that is another risk that needs to be dealt with.

Pyeeyed · 18/04/2019 16:39

But no one knows if the internet access is unsupervised or not, so why even bring it up?

BertrandRussell · 18/04/2019 16:42

“But no one knows if the internet access is unsupervised or not, so why even bring it up?”

Because it can’t possibly be the porn using man’s fault.

LittleChristmasMouse · 18/04/2019 16:44

Because it can’t possibly be the porn using man’s fault

So it will also be his fault if the 7 year old goes to her friends house and watches an explicit youtube video on her own phone would it?

The photos that the dd saw - yes, the husband's fault.

Any thing else that she sees via unmonitored access to the internet - both parents fault.

woodhill · 18/04/2019 16:45

Isn't she a bit young for a smart phone.

But not nice for her to discover that

Pyeeyed · 18/04/2019 16:53

Any thing else that she sees via unmonitored access to the internet - both parents fault

Again - where’s the proof that the internet access was unsupervised? Where’s the proof that the internet was accessed when the DD was at her friends house? Where’s the proof that the DD’s friends parents would have been happy for her to connect to their WiFi, knowing that her parents were not there to supervise?

There isn’t any.

You’re making (invalid) points based on assumptions.

And, I assume if the DD is accessing public WiFi in day, a trampoline park or a restaurant or whatever - she would be with her parents and therefore the internet access WOULD be supervised.

Pyeeyed · 18/04/2019 16:56

Any thing else that she sees via unmonitored access to the internet - both parents fault

Where on the thread does it say she seen anything on the internet anyway? It doesn’t. Please, just stop chatting shit.

LittleChristmasMouse · 18/04/2019 16:57

Pyeeyed

Similarly, prove that you are right then.

You equally have no proof that she is supervised at all times.

Had the dd and the phone been supervised at the trampoline park presumably it wouldn't be lost? So, reasonable to assume dd had her phone away from the parents, in order to lose it.

BasiliskStare · 18/04/2019 17:03

I can see giving a young child Dad's phone to play with for a while ( so a game or something) Normal circumstances - would not be a problem. Dad downloading porn on to his phone , if that were my Dh - problem for me & certainly a problem if DC accessed it. ( Because I can probably talk about it better than they. )