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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not let him see the kids

313 replies

Insywinsyy · 17/04/2019 12:56

Last week DP took DD’s to a trampoline park where DD (7) lost her mobile phone. We got her another over the weekend but she couldn’t remember her iCloud login details so DP logged into his account on her phone so she was able to put some Apps and stuff back on to it.

Last night DD (7) came in from her friends, handed me her phone and said there was an album titled “hidden” and it didn’t have very nice things in it. So I obviously took the phone and checked and to my absolute horror and disgust there were numerous porn pictures and some pretty graphic porn videos.

I quickly deleted everything from the album and said to her I would tell him to sign out of his account on her phone and we would make her a new account.

Because he had signed into his iCloud on her phone, all his pics and videos also went on to her phone.

I have honestly never felt so ill in my life, the fact he even had this stuff in his phone is bad enough but for my 7 year old to have been exposed to this is making me feel sick to my stomach, to say the least.

I didn’t want to cause a scene last night in front of the kids but I did ask him to sleep on the sofa as I couldn’t bare him being near me. This morning when the kids went to school I told him I wanted him to leave. At first he refused to go and said it wasn’t his fault those pictures ended up there!!

The house is mine, everything is in my name so I told him if he didn’t go I would call the police to remove him. Eventually he went.

I have a 12 day old baby and he has just text me asking if he can take the baby to see his aunt later. I really don’t want him near us but I don’t know if stopping him seeing the kids is the right thing to do either. Would I be unreasonable to tell him he can’t take the baby to see his aunt?

OP posts:
NoSauce · 17/04/2019 13:58

She does not need a mobile phone. For anything. She’s 7 years old! It doesn’t matter if her friends have them either, they’re too young also. Take it off her till she’s at least 11.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/04/2019 14:00

Anyway, I’ve told him he can collect the baby just before I get DD’s from school and have him for a couple of hours. Just for those who missed OPs update and are still chiding her for asking about 'allowing' access.

cliquewhyohwhy · 17/04/2019 14:01

I agree with practically every pp no 7 year old needs a phone. My eldest is nearly 8 and no way needs a phone. You are completely overreacting! This wouldn't of happened if a child didn't have a phone!!

Teddybear45 · 17/04/2019 14:02

Your 7 yo shouldn’t be on the phone unsupervised.

RedSkyLastNight · 17/04/2019 14:03

You do realise you don't have to get her something just because her best friend has it? Might be a good idea to start enforcing that one now before she hits teen years.

And there is rather a lot of unsavoury content on YouTube and you seem quite happy for your DD to use her phone without supervision ...

CherylCheshire · 17/04/2019 14:03

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LagunaBubbles · 17/04/2019 14:03

So I would be fucking furious and I wouldn’t want him near me, let alone taking my 12 day old baby

I assume its his baby to and he hasn't broken any law as far as it looks so why wouldn't he see his children?

jonsnowlowblow · 17/04/2019 14:04

I would be absolutely fucking furious if my husband made a stupid mistake and exposed my child to that.

But I would never let my 7 year old have their own phone.

jonsnowlowblow · 17/04/2019 14:04

And I wouldn't let my husband take my 12 day old baby to see his aunt without me anyway, and I quite like my husband.

Sessy19 · 17/04/2019 14:05

OP is insinuating the OH wanted the child to find the porn. He is tech savvy and would have understood that DD would have unfettered access. This man is dangerous, but he’s allowed to take a 12do baby out unsupervised....?! He knew he was wrong, he didn’t challenge being thrown out of the house. All sounds fishy to me...

OP do you see your Health Visitor regularly?

CupOhTea · 17/04/2019 14:05

I’d also be curious about the shots of him in boxers...? Why does he have those?

That’s more fishy to me than anything else, although it was really careless of him to potentially expose her to hard core porn. Especially since he’s apparently tech savvy.

justasking111 · 17/04/2019 14:06

Yes if he is taking selfies like this, who is he sending them to??

HBStowe · 17/04/2019 14:08

If you don’t object to him watching porn generally then I find your reaction to this really confusing. It’s obviously a horrible situation that your DD saw it, but it was clearly a mistake (unless you truly believe he’s a sexual predator who very deliberately exposed your child to this). You might want to consider why on Earth you thought a 7 year old needed a smart phone!

If porn was a red line issue for you and he had betrayed your trust it would be one thing, but it’s not. So what you are ending your marriage over is a mistake on his part. I understand you being angry that he has been stupid and that the consequences have been serious, but I don’t understand ending your marriage.

In any event - regardless of whether this is it for you and him, you can’t stop him seeing the kids over this. You have no right to deprive them of their father, and no right to deprive him of his kids. You will need a lot more to go on if you want to convince a court he is a danger to the children. You may well end up with shared custody, so have a think about how you want it all to work so you can discuss it with him.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 17/04/2019 14:08

What world do we live in where a 7 year old has a mobile, she wouldn’t have access to such things if she hadn’t had the phone. She’s got access to the internet and various other stuff. My 10year almost 11 just got a phone for contact between me and his df and when he’s out. I remember the days with dial up Internet and no mobiles we used to speak to friends on the house phone, crazy how the world had become gadet obsessed.

Nicknacky · 17/04/2019 14:08

Are some posters ignoring the point that some people keep pictures of them selves just for their own eyes?

And as for the poster suggesting he had deliberately exposed her to porn and is dangerous.......ffs

NotSoThinLizzy · 17/04/2019 14:10

This is crazy 😯

Original poster
Insywinsyy · 17/04/2019 14:12

@Sessy19

I’m not insinuating this at all, get a grip!

I don’t have an issue with him watching porn but I do have an issue with him storing it on his phone and allowing our daughter to be exposed to it! He can still watch prom without fucking saving it on his phone

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/04/2019 14:13

Utterly! Especially as OP seems to have worked her way through the immediate aftermath so well!

I doubt she'll bother using MN as a sounding board for any next steps though. All she'll get is "A 7 year old with a phone!!??" - not at all helpful!

Nicknacky · 17/04/2019 14:13

So easy solution. She no longer uses his phone.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 17/04/2019 14:13

Personally I think you’re as much to blame as he is allowing her access to technology and such a young age.

NoSauce · 17/04/2019 14:14

But but but if your DD didn’t have a phone none of this would have happened.

Can’t you see that?

lyralalala · 17/04/2019 14:14

Did you DD open the folder with the porn in in the company of your neighbour's child? If so do that child's parents know she has been exposed to porn on your DD's phone?

notoafternoontea · 17/04/2019 14:14

This is not worth kicking him out over. What an odd response.

Although it is indeed his fault that the photos ended up on her phone and he needs to own that.

That said, you all need a conversation about internet safety as quite frankly your attitude is ridiculous, and dangerous. A seven year old with an iphone 6!! Do you know exactly what "kids' games" she's using? Do you have parental locks on YouTube? And why in the name of everything do YOU not know her iCloud password event if she doesn't!!

Wake yourself up OP. You're walking into very dangerous territory here.

Nicknacky · 17/04/2019 14:15

Oops sorry, I got confused and thought she was using his phone, forgot about the iCloud on her phone. As to were.....

CocoCharlie83 · 17/04/2019 14:16

Being tech savy doesn't mean you know everything about every bit of tech. The fact that the folder was called 'hidden' would suggest that he didn't think the folder was accessible.

OP if you truly believe he purposely exposed your DD to this why aren't you calling the police? Why are you allowing him to see your DC? Since purposely exposing a 7 year old to that sort of material would be a criminal act.

But in the more likely event of it being and accident and an honest mistake then why throw away a marriage over a mistake unless there are other factors in play? Could it be that you are over reacting due to being 12 days PP? In your shoes I would be furious with DP but would be able to see it for the honest mistake that it is.