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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not going on date if he won't pick me up?

356 replies

simpleskmonwent · 17/04/2019 12:40

It's my 3rd date with this guy.
He suggested on Saturday to go for a drive into the country and go for lunch and look around this village.
I thought that sounded great.
I live 25 min drive from him or 50 min train journey to his local city.
He said can you meet me at (his local train station) so that's a extra train and another 20 mins.
I said can we not meet in your city centre train station (as only 1 train for me) he said he couldn't park easy there.
So I have to get two trains and a 1hr 10 min journey to then go on a drive.
It's just putting me off.
Aibu here if I didn't go.
Then after a hours drive in the country he will drop me off at the train station for a 1hr journey and he drives 5 mins home.

OP posts:
Original poster
simpleskmonwent · 17/04/2019 12:40

I don't have a car.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 17/04/2019 12:42

I wouldn’t bother. He could at least meet you at the central train station.if he really liked you he would make the effort. It doesn’t bode well for a future relationship.

huuskymam · 17/04/2019 12:42

As you are going for a drive, could he not pick you up. Seems madness having to get 2 trains to go for a drive.

JaneEyre07 · 17/04/2019 12:43

YABU.

He's offering to take you out somewhere nice for the day and you want him to add 50 minutes onto that to collect you and take you home?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 17/04/2019 12:43

I wouldnt bother, but Im old school and would expect door-to-door carriage service. If he cant put the effort in now, then why bother?

Unburnished · 17/04/2019 12:43

I’d just tell him it’s an awfully long way to go for lunch and see what he says. How’s he been otherwise? Do you think he’s hoping you’ll pop to his house for a coffee and ... or do you just think he’s lazy?

Original poster
simpleskmonwent · 17/04/2019 12:43

He made it clear he wouldn't be driving to pick me up.
Maybe I'm just being lazy but I really can't be bothered with the hassle.

OP posts:
Original poster
simpleskmonwent · 17/04/2019 12:44

He's happy me for me to travel 2 he's 20 mins when he has a car tho Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
simpleskmonwent · 17/04/2019 12:45

He does seem lazy.
Last week I asked to meet in his city for food and he said he was too tired.
Then he said come over to mine and watch a DVD's

OP posts:
Heidiboo1984 · 17/04/2019 12:45

If he won't make the effort for you now when he's supposed to want to impress you, imagine what he'll be like once you two are comfortable and settled! Tell him you're not feeling it anymore and the reason why. Might make him buck his ideas up and know you have a standard he will have to keep to.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 17/04/2019 12:46

@Jane

thats not what the OP said

She lives a 25 min drive from him

For her to get to him it is either a 50 min train to the city centre or 70 mins to city centre, change and on to his local station - which is a 5 min drive for him . He cannot be be bothered to make the drive into town to pick her up after her first train journey

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 17/04/2019 12:46

Have you told him that it's over an hour on two trains for you? If you have and he's not bothered, he's not the right one for you!

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 17/04/2019 12:47

I wouldnt bother, bin it and chalk it up to experience.

Original poster
simpleskmonwent · 17/04/2019 12:47

It wouldn't be as bad just the one train,but changing trains and it's more expensive.

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 17/04/2019 12:47

I wouldn't bother.

NunoGoncalves · 17/04/2019 12:47

He's happy me for me to travel 2 he's 20 mins when he has a car tho confused

Not a good sign is it. If it was me, I'd definitely just pick the person up. And I'd only want to be with someone who would feel the same.

Original poster
simpleskmonwent · 17/04/2019 12:47

Yeah he knows it's two trains.

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 17/04/2019 12:48

If he won't pick you up from the central station (pick up points no need to park), I can't see him ever doing anything that benefits you and not himself which doesn't bode well.

If I were him I'd have suggested somewhere to go that me picking you up wouldn't have been a massive detour to avoid you having to spend an hour on the train in the first place

Heidiboo1984 · 17/04/2019 12:48

Have you done the deed yet op? Your post when you said he wanted you to go to his for DVDs but not out to eat sounds like he just wants a shag.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/04/2019 12:48

Yuk! He sounds awful! As said... no effort at 3 dates would lead you to assume even less of an effort forever after!

Wave bye bye, tell him why, if he bothers to ask "Sorry sweetie, but you really are just too fucking thoughtless"

User59720gpwn82210 · 17/04/2019 12:48

Well as he's made it clear he won't pick you up and you can't be bothered with the hassle, sounds like it’s all sorted. Just move on to the next guy.

That was easy. You asked the question and resolved it in 3 minutes. Grin

Unburnished · 17/04/2019 12:49

No, he’s lazy. I’d say its not working and not see him again. He should be dying to see you at this stage.

nelsonmuntzslingshot · 17/04/2019 12:50

I wouldn't bother with him. It's little things like this that are telling for the future relationship.

Original poster
simpleskmonwent · 17/04/2019 12:50

No we haven't done anything like that.
Date 1 was the beach
Date 2 bowling
Date 3...god knows where I end up.

OP posts:
Youmatter · 17/04/2019 12:50

Sounds like a needless problem.

Get yourself someone worth the effort!

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