Not going on date if he won't pick me up?

[simpleskmonwent]

It's my 3rd date with this guy.
He suggested on Saturday to go for a drive into the country and go for lunch and look around this village.
I thought that sounded great.
I live 25 min drive from him or 50 min train journey to his local city.
He said can you meet me at (his local train station) so that's a extra train and another 20 mins.
I said can we not meet in your city centre train station (as only 1 train for me) he said he couldn't park easy there.
So I have to get two trains and a 1hr 10 min journey to then go on a drive.
It's just putting me off.
Aibu here if I didn't go.
Then after a hours drive in the country he will drop me off at the train station for a 1hr journey and he drives 5 mins home.

No!!
I'd only make this journey for a good friend / relative / job etc. Sounds like a hassle. And only 3rd date.

Invite him to your local area and do something there instead since you don't drive.

25 minutes to come and pick you up is nothing. I can't believe he's going to make you spend that amount of money plus the time it takes.
No way would I go.
He sounds lazy and very selfish.

I have travelled that far to dates, but for a 3rd date it is a fair bit of travel-faffing. depends on if the person is worth it I suppose. If you're not really into it or him, I'd say leave it.

I used to date someone who lived 40 mins drive from me. By bus however, door to door, it took over 2 hours and included a lengthy wait and a change (sometimes freezing). He never offered once to either collect or return me and being very young and naïve I batted away doubts for a long time, thinking I was being 'independent' by making my own way.

I wasn't though … I was being taken for a fool. This man sat in the warmth and comfort of home while his shag basically made her way to him, no effort required from him at all. It took me almost a year to finally say fuck this, and fuck you.

Picking up a date when they don't have a car and/or when they'd otherwise face an uncomfortable, time consuming and expensive journey is just about basic courtesy. It's a kind thing to do, and much less effort for the driver. This man isn't kind, at best he's thoughtless and at worst he's mean. Please don't bother yourself with him any more.

Now you know why he's single, don't go. He's making no effort whatsoever, ditch him

I may be cynical but I think he's trying to wrangle the situation so you end up at his place to DTD...

I would dump him.
I see a guy casually. Whenever we go somewhere, it's always door to door even though he lives about an hours drive away from me. I offer to meet him elsewhere but he's always picked me up.

Tell him you've changed your mind. It's too expensive and too much travelling. Then wait to see what he says.
Sometimes drivers can be oblivious to the reality of using public transport. But, he may just be an arse testing to see if you'll do all the running. You'll know which it is.

Icecream she offered to meet half way so that she can take one train, not two, he can't even be bothered with that, no thank you!

It’s a 3rd date at this point you’d still expect him to making a bit of an effort.

Also if I’m going for a day out with a friend, I’m driving and they live 20 mins down the road I’m picking them up from home.

So if I was you I’d say nice idea but afraid I’ll pass.

There's a big difference between not wanting to be a taxi in a relationship with only one driver and being selfish with it. The fact he suggested you go to his to watch DVD's for the last date (presumably you were to make your own way then as well) and now has suggested this with zero compromise suggests he wants you to do ALL of the grunt work.

And this is 3 dates in when he's still trying to be impressive. Imagine what he'll be like in 6 or 12 months time when the effort decreases?!

Dealbreaker, next!!!!!

No I wouldn't bother. If you only live a 25 minute drive away, I'm shocked he won't pick you up. My boyfriend (now husband) used to drive this to pick me up for dates as I didn't have a car either. He doesn't sound like the one, sorry.

Actually, thought about it more and also just read your update on cost!! I'd say fuck that right off.

Another one saying to ditch him. If he CBA now imagine the future! If you were married or had kids, he will literally never get his arse off the couch and you will be rushing around doing it all!

Seriously, he is a lazy selfish sod.

Nope, if he has a car and you don’t he should at least compromise and meet you at the main station so you don’t have to take 2 trains. That’s a bit shit. I’d suggest you meet near to you and see what his reaction is. If he refuses then I’d take it that he just can’t be bothered making any effort and call it a day.

He'll probably expect you to contribute to his petrol as well!

No. I'd tell him you've got a couple of small things on or to get done either end of the day and can't spare that much time on the wrap-around logistics. Say you were hoping there might be some compromise ...., and leave it hanging with him then - if he's not forthcoming, then cancel it.

He does seem lazy.
Last week I asked to meet in his city for food and he said he was too tired.
Then he said come over to mine and watch a DVD's

I missed this. And you ask where Date no. 3 will be? Seriously? Fucking bin him off! 'Pay to come to my house and shag me as a date' was his suggestion for no. 2 now he CBA'd to drive a few minutes to meet you. He's made it very clear why he's single. He's a lazy twat.

'That doesn't work for me. I'm looking for someone with a little more consideration and imagination to date and I'm none too impressed with yours so time for me to move on. Best of luck to you. xOP' and block.

I think it should be give and take, e.g. he might come and pick you up from home in the morning, then at the end of the day he'll drop you at the station in the town centre. Or you get the train to meet him but he will drop you at home later. Making you take an extra second train taking 20 mins more plus extra cost is ridiculous when he could just pick you up at the town centre station.

Combine that with the "can't be arsed to go out, you (take two trains and) come round to mine to watch videos" I'd be binning him off. If he's like this so early in the relationship it's definitely not going to get any better.

Just suggest a different activity. Explain that it's not really convenient and invite him for something you would really like to do that is more local to you.

It is not about "making the effort" as that works both ways. I have never seen relationships that way.

Suggest a station of the route to the city that's not too far for you that has plenty of parking and see what he says

I’d agree it’s on his terms to suit him and you’re right to hesitate.

Sack him off. He would drive to the ends of the earth if he was interested.

This should tell you everything:

Last week I asked to meet in his city for food and he said he was too tired.Then he said come over to mine and watch a DVD's