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Original poster

Not going on date if he won't pick me up?

356 replies

simpleskmonwent · 17/04/2019 12:40

It's my 3rd date with this guy.
He suggested on Saturday to go for a drive into the country and go for lunch and look around this village.
I thought that sounded great.
I live 25 min drive from him or 50 min train journey to his local city.
He said can you meet me at (his local train station) so that's a extra train and another 20 mins.
I said can we not meet in your city centre train station (as only 1 train for me) he said he couldn't park easy there.
So I have to get two trains and a 1hr 10 min journey to then go on a drive.
It's just putting me off.
Aibu here if I didn't go.
Then after a hours drive in the country he will drop me off at the train station for a 1hr journey and he drives 5 mins home.

OP posts:
krustykittens · 17/04/2019 13:37

If he's trying for sex, and you're saying "No", I'm not surprised he won't drive 25 minutes to pick you up for a date.

Fuck. Me. I wonder how blokes like this ever pull, never mind get tot he stage where women marry them and then come on here to complain about them. Then a comment like this pops up and I realise so many women need to raise their standards.

snowdrop6 · 17/04/2019 13:37

Not a keeper ..3 rd date ...my husband would of picked me up for the first..dump ..no it says a lot about him...
He could drive pick u up and a have a drive to pub near you ,then he drives home.

Starburst8 · 17/04/2019 13:39

I would bin this off as it's not gonna get better.
I used to date a guy that had a car but expected me to get the train to go see him etc. He was willing to let me walk to the train station from his house late at night -it would have taken 5mins in the car.
I thought it would get better but no it didn't, I remember going away for a weekend he said he was happy to drive since I paid for the weekend away, only to inform me at the petrol station that he needed to fill his tank up for the week and I had to pay. I must admit I handed over my card, I was Hmm at it all. Blush

So OP ditch this one as the future with him will not get better.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/04/2019 13:40

PettyLittlefool wtf, so op should do all the running, then, good on her for setting standards.

katseyes7 · 17/04/2019 13:42

lf it's like this now, it won't get any better. l'd be calling it a day.

Not the same thing, but my best friend lives about seven miles from me. For me to go to her, it's a 15-20 minute car journey. lf she comes to me, it's 2 buses, which takes at least an hour. She came to me on the bus after l'd had major surgery and couldn't drive, brought me shopping, and asked if l needed any housework done. l usually go to her, and every so often she gives me a fiver towards petrol, which is what it'd cost her on the bus. l'm not 'putting myself out' by going to see her, she's my friend, and l want to see her, so l go.
lf he can't be bothered this early in the relationship, he's not going to do it later on. Find someone who wants to be with you.

BringMeTea · 17/04/2019 13:42

Not a chance I would do this. Next!

thiscannotbenormal · 17/04/2019 13:43

He'll be asking for petrol money next OP.

NotFatTransslender · 17/04/2019 13:49

I think it's unusual for a couple not to have had sex by the 3rd date.

Erm. Ok then. You think most people shag on their first or second date?! I’m no prude and in fact did shag on the first date - more than once but I’m pretty sure that’s not true.

If he's trying for sex, and you're saying "No", I'm not surprised he won't drive 25 minutes to pick you up for a date.

Biscuit

If he's not trying for sex, he's a very unusual man and probably best avoided.
Either way, the relationship looks doomed.

So because he hasn’t tried to shag OP on the first or second date there’s something wrong with him and the whole thing is doomed?! Grin

NotFatTransslender · 17/04/2019 13:51

FWIW is bin him off. Sounds like too much hard work at this point for very low rent dates. Spending that sort of money on a train so you could go to London and watch a show and have a nice meal etc fair enough. But spending it on travelling to him so he can take you for a drive round a village?! Nah. He needs to up his game if he wants you to make that much effort to see him.

NotFatTransslender · 17/04/2019 13:52

*I’d

MRex · 17/04/2019 13:52

Definitely bin him.

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 17/04/2019 13:57

Give him the boot. 👢

Find someone generous and energetic and thoughtful instead.

AryaStarkWolf · 17/04/2019 13:58

If he's trying for sex, and you're saying "No", I'm not surprised he won't drive 25 minutes to pick you up for a date.

ahahaha. Ignore this comment OP.

I wouldn't go on anymore dates with a guy who couldn't be bothered to pick me up when you're going for a drive anyway.

lisamac28 · 17/04/2019 13:59

If he's trying for sex, and you're saying "No", I'm not surprised he won't drive 25 minutes to pick you up for a date

Christ almighty, I actually don't know where to start with this comment...just so wrong in so many ways.

Uptheshard · 17/04/2019 14:00

Fuck that. Take your 40 quid and get some new shoes instead ...

PregnantSea · 17/04/2019 14:04

You tried to reach a compromise and he said no. And you say he has form for being a bit lazy. I wouldn't bother with this.

sugarcubed · 17/04/2019 14:06

Bin him off, he’s wasting your time.

Munchkingoat · 17/04/2019 14:14

Fuck that! Absolutely sack him off. If I was being taken out for a drive I'd fully expect to be picked up - taking two trains to them go for a drive? Not a chance.

However if you REALLY want to carry on a bit further with this man why not suggest going for a drive somewhere where your house is en route? That way there's no extra driving for him. I'd still bin him though myself.

thiscannotbenormal · 17/04/2019 14:15

I just asked my Husband and he thinks its dreadful - not very gentlemanly behaviour and selfish- and shocking on a third date.

runningintotime · 17/04/2019 14:16

Not pushing for sex makes him sound like a gentleman, but then not picking you up doesn't. So I'm confused by this behaviour.

And personally, I wouldn't want to go driving alone with some guy I barely knew as a date, either

This too.

TheGrapefulDread · 17/04/2019 14:17

So he thinks he is worth 36.50 and about two hours 20 mins ( only if you step off one train straight onto the connector train ) and you aren’t worth 20 (4 x 5 ) mins and thre’pence ha’pennys worth of fuel ? Good grief OP. If you “like’ him spell it out ! Make a decision from there. I am just being nosey have you paid for half these dates so far ? Have you made your own way to all of them ? If you choose to dump him tell him the travel charges and time involved for you - be honest. I’d also look up the parking charge for the station car park to find out what the min charge is.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 17/04/2019 14:19

If it’s this difficult imagine what it’ll be like once you’re out of the honeymoon period

Siennabear · 17/04/2019 14:20

If he comes and picks you up and then has to drive back, that's nearly an hour travelling. Which you said you doing want to do either? If you don't drive are you expecting him to pick you up every time? Doesn't sound like you're compatible. Might as well call it a day.

Connieston · 17/04/2019 14:24

Simply say it's too expensive to get two trains so you'll have to pass. It's factual and not explicitly a criticism. If he doesn't want the bother of being chauffeur then at least the ball is in his court and he'll have to say as much or put in the effort.

Jojoanna · 17/04/2019 14:24

He sounds like hard work , forget it

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