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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not going on date if he won't pick me up?

356 replies

simpleskmonwent · 17/04/2019 12:40

It's my 3rd date with this guy.
He suggested on Saturday to go for a drive into the country and go for lunch and look around this village.
I thought that sounded great.
I live 25 min drive from him or 50 min train journey to his local city.
He said can you meet me at (his local train station) so that's a extra train and another 20 mins.
I said can we not meet in your city centre train station (as only 1 train for me) he said he couldn't park easy there.
So I have to get two trains and a 1hr 10 min journey to then go on a drive.
It's just putting me off.
Aibu here if I didn't go.
Then after a hours drive in the country he will drop me off at the train station for a 1hr journey and he drives 5 mins home.

OP posts:
clairethewitch70 · 17/04/2019 14:25

Surely picking you up can be part of the "going out for a drive". DH always picked me up for dates, I never had to make my own way.

EleanorOalike · 17/04/2019 14:31

Oh God, in the past this was totally the kind of thing I’d do without questioning it for a guy, drive miles or hours to go to them when they’d never return the favour. I learned from bitter experience that I wasn’t valued or respected, let alone loved. If he really liked you he wouldn’t expect you to go out of your way like this when by sparing 5 minutes he could make things so much easier for you. With my ex, all these little things were actually games and I’m sure he found it hilarious to see how blind my love for him was and just how far I’d go for him without questioning or expecting any reciprocation.

I will honestly never do it again and don’t recommend anyone else does either. I’d rather be alone! Leave it OP. He’s not worth the stress, he’s showing you his true colours and it’s early enough to not have feelings complicating things (hopefully Confused).

YouDancin · 17/04/2019 14:32

He's made it very clear why he's single. He's a lazy twat

this

ChuckleBuckles · 17/04/2019 14:33

If he's not trying for sex, he's a very unusual man and probably best avoided. Either way, the relationship looks doomed

Honestly he sounds too lazy to get it up, if you want to have sex with him OP bring along two ice-pop sticks and an elastic band to help him get it up, it doesn't seem like he could under his own steam 🐓.

GarthFunkel · 17/04/2019 14:35

2.20 hours on a train and £36 quid only so you can go on a drive? Are there no roads near your house that he can drive on?

OoohAyyye · 17/04/2019 14:38

YANBU.

If it was me I'd feel that he wasn't really bothered about me. He doesn't seem willing enough.

Sirzy · 17/04/2019 14:39

Sounds like the distance is going to be a problem because you can’t afford to travel and he doesn’t want to (understandably to a point) so that would suggest that it’s not going to work.

3dogs2cats · 17/04/2019 14:40

That is no fun for you. Not fair. Tell him.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/04/2019 14:43

You can't be bothered and neither can he. That's a good indication you're not right for each other!

Saracen · 17/04/2019 14:44

I can sort of understand that he may be trying to establish that he isn't going to be a taxi service and always pick you up and drop you off. But you suggested that you'd go to the city centre station and he won't even do that! He wouldn't have to park.

Also the suggestion last time that you could travel all that way in order to watch DVDs at his house sounds like he is not very interested in you. If he was too tired to go out for a meal, he should have suggested a different day.

There are plenty of other guys out there.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 17/04/2019 14:46

This early it should be fun and fairly lighthearted, without any stressing about who does more of what and who should travel where.
Breaking it off now will save major stress later on. You just aren't suited.

OneDayillSleep · 17/04/2019 14:49

If he lives that far away and you don’t drive I don’t really see how a relationship is going to work if you don’t like getting the train? Cut your losses now and change your dating profile to search within 1 mile, you could walk it there then. You’ll be like that guy off the undatables who was obsessed with only dating within a 3 mile radius lol.

Humpy84 · 17/04/2019 15:06

No I don’t like it. What if it’s cold and dark by then. I live in Australia so maybe I’m being a bit sheltered thinking about uk big city trains and the cold. It’s not very chivalrous. Inconvenient parking is far outweighed by catching two trains. I think it would be sending a message that you’re desperate for him to catch two trains and trudge through the cold for him. He should delay the country stuff until it’s at the point of staying overnight at a Hotel with a four poster bed. Until then he can drive you and pick you up. There are too many weirdos out on the street and he should be more protective if he wants a chance at being your main man. Men only get more selfish, I’ve never heard of a husband having kids and getting less selfish so just keep that in mind. As I write this my husband impersonating me and pretending to type, and mocking this thread which he is joking is a complaint about him, “dear mumsnet my husband is such a deadbeat” “oh lose him sister”

Cosmos45 · 17/04/2019 15:06

Personally for me I wouldn't bother if he couldn't come and pick me up. Call me old fashioned but I think 25 mins in the car is nothing really and wouldn't hesitate to go and collect a friend if we were going on a day out. In fact I have often done that, picked up 1 friend who was 30 mins away and then collected another one 20 mins in the opposite direction so we could all travel together on a day out. And that's just for friends, let alone someone i had just started to date. If this is his way of impressing you early on, god knows what the future brings..

SandAndSea · 17/04/2019 15:08

It's definitely not looking good.

Sorry, OP. I would end it gently and move on.

desparate4sleep · 17/04/2019 15:10

Nope I don't think you should go. You could arrange something in your area and she if he is bothered enough to drive over but as previous posters have said he doesn't seem worth it.

Lweji · 17/04/2019 15:10

The drive sounds good if you were staying with him during the weekend.
As it is, agree on a different date or dump.

AryaStarkWolf · 17/04/2019 15:13

Personally for me I wouldn't bother if he couldn't come and pick me up. Call me old fashioned but I think 25 mins in the car is nothing really and wouldn't hesitate to go and collect a friend if we were going on a day out. In fact I have often done that, picked up 1 friend who was 30 mins away and then collected another one 20 mins in the opposite direction so we could all travel together on a day out. And that's just for friends, let alone someone i had just started to date. If this is his way of impressing you early on, god knows what the future brings..

Same here and that's not old fashioned, I don't expect him to do it because he's the man and OP is the woman, it's because he's the one with the car, if she drove and he didn't I'd think she should collect him

bringthethunder · 17/04/2019 15:24

I met my ExFiance in Carlisle whilst I was on a trip with friends (I'm from North Scotland) We spent most of a weekend together, and were so in lust (at that time), that he drove me 4 hours home, and then drove himself back up the road. So, if a man wants you, he will make the effort....

Teddybear45 · 17/04/2019 15:29

When we were dating my DH used to try to pick me up and drop me no matter where we went. I appreciate that isn’t always realistic but if you’re coming out to him the least he can do is pick you up from the main station.

ReanimatedSGB · 17/04/2019 15:31

Unless you really fancy the arse off him and would be happy for the ongoing 'relationship' to consist of sex and phoning for takeaways, I would move on. He isn't interested in putting himself out, is he?
'Dick is abundant and of low value' - there are more interesting men out there.

Aridane · 17/04/2019 15:33

Maybe he's setting the scene now, nothing worse than only one driver in a relationship where the other expects to be driven

Fair points

GiveMeFiveMinutes · 17/04/2019 15:34

"If he's not trying for sex, he's a very unusual man and probably best avoided. Either way, the relationship looks doomed

Honestly he sounds too lazy to get it up, if you want to have sex with him OP bring along two ice-pop sticks and an elastic band to help him get it up, it doesn't seem like he could under his own steam 🐓."

Hahahahaha @ChuckleBuckles you may be right, I bet he cba driving to Boots for viagra 😂😂😂

Tinkerbellisnotafairy · 17/04/2019 15:34

Definitely not, especially if he won't even compromise. I've never met a guy who would want me to do this. I've had a guy drive a 2 hour round trip to see me for 20 minutes. This guy is NOT worth it. You are worth more!

Aridane · 17/04/2019 15:34

Why not just arrange a different activity for the date that doesn't involve him being the chauffeur? Then bin him after the date if you don't feel like pursuing it

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