Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 9 10 11

Original poster

DH insists we go out to eat with kids, but I don't want to. AIBU?

273 replies

NoHolidaysforyou · 16/04/2019 16:18

I have two year olds that for some reason seem to take it in turns to have meltdowns at restaurants. I do not want to go out. We have tried iPads and all that, but they don't care. My DH insists we still go out and try to teach them to behave well. I think generally some kids just behave well and some don't. Ours don't. I don't want to go out anymore, AIBU?

OP posts:

apleasantdayout · 17/04/2019 08:32

Some kids sit happily and other kids are more active and just need to run about after a short amount of sitting. Two is very young. I wouldn't even have considered eating out in a restaurant with either of mine at that age. it just would have been a (losing) battle to control them.

Wait till they are developmentally ready to sit still for the length of time required for a restaurant meal.

If your DH is that keen - let him take them out by himself a meal and see how keen he is to try it again after that....

Didiplanthis · 17/04/2019 08:33

We stopped going out to eat with dd from 18 months to about 3 1/2 but did kerp doing coffee shops and evetually progressed back to lunch - always where you paid first so we could just up and leave if needed !!!

EllenRach · 17/04/2019 08:45

We enjoy eating out so went through the difficult times with two toddlers and coming out the other side now with a 5 and 3 year old who love going out. I always took (and still do) a bag of activities - colouring, stickers, duplo/LEGO, threading boards, that sort of thing. Went to mainly child friendly restaurants early evening when they're quiet.

Now their behaviour is a lot more reliable and we can sit for longer enjoying our meal but wasn't always the case!

Orangeballon · 17/04/2019 08:56

It can be a nightmare for other diners when there are badly behaved children sat at a table next to them. Remember, they are paying for their meal and deserve some due consideration.

mindutopia · 17/04/2019 09:03

I do think going out to eat is important. We’ve taken ours out from babies and my parents did the same with me. All generally pretty good being in restaurants. So I would agree with your dh, but you have to manage expectations. One of you will need to walk outside with them if they get too bored, etc and you’ll need to both share the load of the work of it.

Dungeondragon15 · 17/04/2019 15:12

Those who think it "important" to go out to eat as child, do you not wonder how those who were children in the 70s and earlier manage to eat out without throwing food around?! Few people ate out in those days, let alone children and yet we can still do it without lessons..

TheCrowFromBelow · 17/04/2019 15:19

We went out regularly in the 70s for pub lunches and cafes, restaurants in the evening for birthdays. I’m a child of the 70s!

2 is hard. The poster who said go early to places like Carluccios is spot on - we did that with DCs and have some colouring stuff or tabletop toys just for the restaurant.
iPads etc are really annoying for other diners if you don’t have headphones.
Do you all eat together at home? That’s an important place to start.

Sleepyblueocean · 17/04/2019 15:24

The first time I ate out in a restaurant was at university. When we went anywhere as a child it was a packed lunch or bag of chips.

TheKitchenWitch · 17/04/2019 15:26

I think all the posters congratulating themselves that their dc are angels in restaurants because they always took them from an early age are missing the posts by people who tried to do exactly the same and had one dc who was a charm and one who was a nightmare : it’s really really not about the parenting
Ds1 was wonderful. We took him everywhere. No problems ever at all.
Then came ds2 who is devil child and won’t sit still for more than 5 minutes. It is NOT POSSIBLE to eat out with him if he has to sit at the table. He cannot be distracted with crayons and ipads. He screams if you try and force him. It is a fucking nightmare.
Same parents, same parenting, different child.

Don’t do it OP.

JustDanceAddict · 17/04/2019 15:28

My DS could not be taken out at that age, mainly coz he was so fussy and would then melt down. No ‘training’ would have worked, he had to mature - now he is fine but he is 15 😂 . My DD was fine at that age.

QuantumWeatherButterfly · 17/04/2019 15:35

DH and I love eating out. We took DD with us regularly, right from when she was born. She was fine until she could crawl. Then it was just torture - she just wanted to be on the move, all the time. We tried a couple more times, but it was awful, so we stopped. We didn't start again until she was 3.5, and it still isn't amazing, but she can at least be entertained long enough for a (fairly short) meal.

But then again, I have other friends who have kids who would happily have sat through a meal no matter what age. I think it is just the luck of the draw, and personally I see no point in making everyone miserable if it doesn't work for you.

Dungeondragon15 · 17/04/2019 16:52

We went out regularly in the 70s for pub lunches and cafes, restaurants in the evening for birthdays. I’m a child of the 70s!

I'm a child of the 70s too (and 60s). Most people didn't eat out regularly. Pubs didn't usually even let children in under the age of 14 as they needed to have a separate room.

Booyahkasha · 17/04/2019 17:25

Take them, otherwise your social life is too compromised but it's a quick in and out job in a child friendly restaurant. Ours usually ended up sat under the table....classy!! And crayons worked for all of 2 minutes!

Pk37 · 17/04/2019 17:33

Kids do need to learn how to behave in public places though, if you keep putting it off then they could just get worse .

jessebuni · 17/04/2019 17:36

I would let him take them alone then.

My two were horrid in restaurants when younger. DS would have a meltdown every time until about age 5 and DD whilst a lot better wanted to get up and run around which obviously would not be good behaviour when people are carrying hot plates and drinks etc. We negotiated to trying it once every 3-6 months to see if they had improved and eventually they did but when they didn’t behave it was my husband getting stroppy at the table that they wouldn’t behave whilst I tried to deal with them not him so I wasn’t willing to go more than once every 3-6 months. DS is now 10 and DD is now 6 and both behave properly 9/10 at a restaurant. We have the occasional huffing or complaining that they are bored of waiting but usually they are now fine.

If taking your two young children out for a meal where you will not be able to enjoy it because they will play up is not how you want to spend your lunch or evening etc then that’s totally understandable and you shouldn’t have to do it.

Numptysod · 17/04/2019 17:42

It terrible twos??? My niece was ok at 3/4

icedgem85 · 17/04/2019 17:45

I’ve always taken my two out from newborn. Ignore anyone disagreeing with your comment about some kids behaving badly and others not - it’s absolutely true and not likely to do with you. My daughter is good as good and will sit quietly, my son is a toad and he will make more noise unless heavily distracted so we go to more child friendly places with him and bring (quiet) things to entertain him while my daughter is happy to chat to the grown ups. Go somewhere loud and child friendly and get them used to the waiting etc.

CherylCheshire · 17/04/2019 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mememeplease · 17/04/2019 18:00

At two they don't really understand and you can't reason bribe with them. DH would be more correct if they were three.

Amoregentlemanlikemanner · 17/04/2019 18:19

total waste of time, do it when they're older.
It's like posting that your dh insists on potty training a one-year-old.

DoAllMeerkatsComeFromRussia · 17/04/2019 18:27

My three are older teenagers but we took them out quite a lot when they were tiny. They're all close in age- just over 3 years between the lot of them. Getting them to sit still and amusing them was stressful and made the experience of eating out an unpleasant one. It didn't improve the more we did it. It only improved when they got old enough to have proper conversations with us and engage fully. Imagine you went out this evening with a group of people that spoke a different language to you. Maybe you had a very basic knowledge of their language and could speak a few words and phrases but were lost in general conversation. You'd be bored rigid because eating and talking would be all that was happening and you could only do the eating bit. As an adult, you wouldn't play up for attention or to amuse yourself, but as a tiny child you would. To your twins it is boring and lengthy. I don't know why forcing them to sit and behave is something your husband thinks it worthwhile. In a couple of years, they'll sit and chat happily with you.

Itsnotme123 · 17/04/2019 18:28

Behave well ? Phaaaahaaaa 😂😂

They won’t even be able to eat the food 😂😂

Men are on a different planet.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 17/04/2019 18:30

They are telling you they don’t enjoy it. So why persist? Plenty of time for restaurant training when they are older and more receptive.

brizzlemint · 17/04/2019 18:34

If ours got their food first we'd do it so they had a starter (first) and then had their dessert when we had the main course - not all the time but certainly if they were two. Sometimes their 'starter' would be a little box of finger food vegetables from home.

SnapesGreasyHair · 17/04/2019 18:37

Toby with toddlers us absolute hell. Which one of you will queue up for both meals... or will you go separately and not actually eat at the same time?

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 9 10 11