DH insists we go out to eat with kids, but I don't want to. AIBU?

[NoHolidaysforyou]

I have two year olds that for some reason seem to take it in turns to have meltdowns at restaurants. I do not want to go out. We have tried iPads and all that, but they don't care. My DH insists we still go out and try to teach them to behave well. I think generally some kids just behave well and some don't. Ours don't. I don't want to go out anymore, AIBU?

My DD is 2 and quite difficult, we tend to sit were it isn't busy and try keep her entertained, look out of the window, colour, do the shapes on my phone and watch YT Kids, but she does run round a bit if the food takes to long 😁😁😁

Some kids are fine, some are not. Some are not due to parenting. but some are not just due to their nature.

Tell DH he’s welcome to take them out, but you are not going. He could invite his mother...

Meal out at that age is torture. It's only if you are caught out too far from home. Meals at home and take aways or out as a couple for a treat. You cant reason with a 2 year old. If dh wants to try tell him to do it alone.

We take our 3 year old out quite a bit and I agree with a previous poster, he's used to it so he behaves. We don't go exclusively to 'child friendly' places either, mostly because we don't always want to eat at those. We've found tonnes of places have kids menus now. What works for us is crayons or toys, and a little walk round with a parent before the food comes if possible. How verbal are they? Mine is easier to entertain now we can sit and have a conversation and talk about his day or the food we're going to eat etc.

I don't actually think that you need to go to restaurants to teach kids how to behave nicely in restaurants. The behaviours that you're looking for are things like being able to sit nicely and relatively quietly, make pleasant conversation, not throw food around and not run around the table screaming. If they can't do that at home then why on earth would they be able to do it in an exciting, unfamiliar environment like a restaurant? Practise at home first before spending money on it.

And 2 is still very young - lots of children will find it very difficult to sit still for that length of time at that age. My couldn't do it, but we eat out with no problems at all now.

OP, did you miss the ages of your 2 DCs out of your post? Or are they a year old ?

You do need to stick at it - and you need to both be interacting with the kids (not handing over a tablet). Puzzle books, colouring pens etc and choose places that are quick eg world buffet type places at first then kid friendly places. We always ate out with ours, smartphones hadn't been invented but they were fine

I think Op said they are both 2

They are twin boys, 2 yo.

I'm using this thread as evidence to prove a point to my husband that I am not unreasonable to wait but he wants to try to take one of our boys out again to Toby Carvery 🤪

YANBU. Why is it so important to teach them to behave well in restaurants when it will probably happen naturally within a year or two? It's not like it's something they HAVE to do (like brushing their teeth or something) and so you have to persevere with it.

However, if your DH feels so strongly about this, maybe try to find a compromise. How about you try it once every three months but not more frequently than that?

This is what McDonald’s was made for

I had a 2 year old and a 1 year old when I was widowed, and only “ ate out” with them if it was unavoidable, such as needing to stop for the loo and a meal on a long drive to visit my in-laws.
I remember panicking that my 2 yr old had vanished as I brought our food to the table in a self service cafe. Rushing round the corner of the L shaped dining room, I found her standing beside a huge tattooed trucker, solemnly stealing chips off his plate and eating them as he gazed at her in shock, not knowing how to react!

Let him take them. Simple solution.

Home is the place to start teaching table manners, not a restaurant. There are lots of things you can start doing at home that will build into good behaviour that will transfer to eating out when they are a bit bigger.

They're still little. And you have two! I'd stick to easy outings like dare I say it McDonalds or Burger King, cafes for a sandwich or a greasy spoons for egg on toast, or very family friendly eateries - all you can eat buffets are usually quite relaxed. Picnics are a great idea!

Also I agree mirror the behaviour you want at home. If you eat at different times normally have a Sunday Lunch together even if it's pie and chips, and lay the table, cutlery and drinks etc...

You're not being unreasonable - just trying to avoid stress! Some children will sit and colour without prompting, others get over excited / bored. I had one of each! At two, it's largely the luck of the draw as to which type your child is, as opposed to brilliant parenting.

We stopped for about 6 months when each of ours were that age. There's just no point imo and I wasn't going to be wasting money on a stressful meal out. They pretty much both got over it by the time they were 3 and we had a lovely lunch out today with minimal reminders about sitting still etc.
If DH is that bothered he can take them on his own!

YABU. Do people really not eat out at all for 4 years? Or longer if they have more than one child? You need to be interacting with them, not just passing over the iPad and hoping for the best. Colouring books ect and head to more family friendly places. Be consistent in your approach to table manors but also they don’t have to sit in silence. You can talk and play I Spy type games to keep them occupied too. Eating out is a great experience for toddlers and should be enjoyable for you too.

Ask him how well he behaved when 2? Better still ask his parents, I bet they'll tell you some stories.

Taking a 6 month old to a restaurant is a cakewalk, a two year old is a very different story. I'm a firm believer in teaching table manners etc from a young age, but typically a restaurant meal takes much longer than dinner at home. It's no wonder a two year old would get restless before the meal is finished, even with distractions. When ours were that age, it was McDonalds playland. Plenty of time for restaurants when they're a bit older.

Agree with various PPs - let DH crack on.

It could be sensory issues that are causing the problems.

We used to take my dd out to eat all the time when she was a tot and she was like a dream. Then ds came along. We then had a LOT of years of not eating out!

Us too judge

brunch somewhere cheap and cheerful is the most I managed at that age. quiet and not close to naptime.

At two, when they've already established that they find quietly sitting still a problem, he is being unreasonable. Some children will behave beautifully in restaurants at two, while others won't (and what may have happened at six months is almost utterly irrelevant. I'd have taken any of mine to a restaurant at six or twelve months but bwahahahahaha to the thought of taking them at two).

Taking them to quick in-and-out coffee shops where they can get food immediately, eat it and leave can work to get them used to the idea of behaving well in a relatively low-stress environment. Or cafes in parks where there's a playground they can use while waiting for food to arrive. Once they are older and you know they can behave, then you can try restaurants where they need to have a degree of patience. Then later they will be teenagers and you won't want to take them out to eat because with the amount they eat you might as well just burn handfuls of £20 notes.