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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH insists we go out to eat with kids, but I don't want to. AIBU?

273 replies

NoHolidaysforyou · 16/04/2019 16:18

I have two year olds that for some reason seem to take it in turns to have meltdowns at restaurants. I do not want to go out. We have tried iPads and all that, but they don't care. My DH insists we still go out and try to teach them to behave well. I think generally some kids just behave well and some don't. Ours don't. I don't want to go out anymore, AIBU?

OP posts:
thundercats192 · 16/04/2019 23:40

Agree with your DH really. We take our 2 year old DS out to restaurants every week and he usually does great. We take along a few toys and he enjoys eating. If he's very tired or food is taking a long time and he's getting bored then iPad with volume on mute does the trick.

I do think it's in part because we have always regularly taken him to restaurants and cafes, he's well socialised in this respect. We also try to "exercise" him beforehand (long walk in the park or trip to the playground) so that he's then more willing to sit still for an hour!

Rainatnight · 17/04/2019 00:32

Yes, but thunder, there's only one of him. Different kettle of fish with twins!

mokapot · 17/04/2019 00:34

It got better at 10!
2 is too young
Try at 5-6

nutsfornutella · 17/04/2019 00:58

I am surprised by the idea to go to buffet restaurants, carvery, IKEA or McD. That’s not a restaurant to learn to sit, wait for food and talk to each other.

Depends on the child but I'd hazard a guess that the hardest bit for small kids is sitting until the food arrives. There's lots of stages to the eating out process and focusing on eating and talking bit is achievable imo as it should be like eating at home but in a new place.
I don't understand why these kinds of places don't provide a good atmosphere for chatting?

Blondebakingmumma · 17/04/2019 01:19

What time did you take them out for dinner? Was it later than they usually eat? Were they having a melt down because they are hungry?
I find the evening is when kids are the most ratty. Maybe try morning tea to start with (depending on nap times). The kids should still be fresh and already had breakfast at home so not hungry. Get the kids to burn off some energy at a playground before you go

NannyRed · 17/04/2019 01:52

Take your children to McDonald’s or Burger King until they learn more social niceties. Nobody will notice them getting crabbyor dropping things in a fast food joint.

As the children’s behaviour improves, you upgrade to Wagamamas and before you know it, your children are little stars that make you proud when you take them out.

Decormad38 · 17/04/2019 02:39

Which is why I avoid pizza express! No don’t take them to eat out if they are too young to enjoy it or behave because it’s a restaurant not a crèche and other people are paying to enjoy their meal. YANBU

LucyBabs · 17/04/2019 02:48

So many clueless people on this thread. How many times does it have to be said? The op and lots of others have more than one child! Some have two children aged 2 who haven't quite grasped restaurant etiquette shocking
Some of us can't afford to eat out from the moment our dc are born. I have two dc, they are like chalk and cheese. DD is a text book well behaved lovely child. Ds is lovely but he doesn't like "rules" nothing to do with my parenting thanks pp.
What is it that others can't understand? I understand my way of parenting isn't everyone's way. I also understand all children are different. I was told my ds having tantrums was my fault but I wasn't praised for my dds good behaviour.. odd

DoesItGetAnyBetter · 17/04/2019 04:06

We have always taken ours out to restaurants. We’ve had good & stressful experiences but learnt from the bad ones. We found the things to avoid were:
Going when DC were too tired.
Going when DC were too hungry.
Going places you have to wait a while before food.
Going to very noisy places.
Going to places where people are wandering around (like a carvery) If other people are wandering round then they are likely to want to too.

Also take a bag of distractions and only give them one at a time, so there is something new.

Newyearbollocks · 17/04/2019 05:30

@LucyBabs
Some people truly believe they are the perfect parents. People regularly comment on how well behaved my children are when I'm juggling four. However, I know full well they are sometimes monster, who like you say don't always like rules. I have an 11 year old preteen who is really pressing my boundaries atm and moody. Then is completely respectable with other people and when we are out.
Other times my 3 boys aged 11,9&7 fight like cat and dog. It is in their nature, they are competitive. Its absolutely nothing to do with parenting. They know how they should behave.
Honestly can't believe the narcissist prejudice of some people. You would think children acting like robots is normal & its usually those with only one child making those judgements.

sashh · 17/04/2019 05:33

How about eating at home then going out for ice cream? Or for a drink in a cafe?

They are very young to sit for a meal, I know some 2 year olds are fine but not all.

Butterymuffin · 17/04/2019 06:11

Lots of good advice on managing this here BUT OP said they went to TGI Friday's and left before even sitting down because one of the kids had a meltdown. So what was it that set him off so quickly, because he hadn't even had to sit around at that point?

TheSerenDipitY · 17/04/2019 06:30

Two is too young for a meal out
what a stupid thing to say... i was taking my kids out from a week or two old , cafes for a nice lunch , meals out at night from 6 weeks or so, my mother used to take my daughter out for dinner all the time, feeding her all manner of disgusting things, not a worry at all or a single tantrum
i would take them out, and tell them the rules firmly before leaving the house, and then again when you arrive at the restaurant, then once one of them starts, follow thru, stand up grab your bags etc grab a kid each and leave, and tell them that because they are misbehaving you are all missing out on the treat and going home ( and no fun stuff at home, eat and right to bed) wont take long before they understand what you expect of them when at a restaurant ( or one of you take the naughty one out and the other stay and have a nice one on one dinner with the well behaved child

HotChocolateLover · 17/04/2019 06:37

Don’t do it OP. If your DH wants to practice at home then he can crack on and when they’re a bit older then you can all go out. Don’t bank on it being great though as teens and older kids aren’t always great dinner company. So moody.

eyesbiggerthanstomach · 17/04/2019 06:37

I think a 2 year old is too young to be taught.

We went out for lovely meals when DS was a baby. Now he is 14 months old - forget it.

It's not worth the money if you aren't enjoying yourself and are on edge.

Spend the money on a babysitter and that way you can eat in peace!

edgeofheaven · 17/04/2019 06:38

LucyBabs a lot of people think that whatever their DC is good at is a result of their own good parenting. Some 2 year olds can behave in a restaurant and some cannot. It has very little to with how sternly Mummy tells them to sit quietly.

I notice the people who insist that their DC always behaves perfectly tend to be:

  • mums of older kids who can't really remember how it was in the early days
  • mums of only children

I don't know anyone IRL in my situation - 2 DCs under 4 - who would claim it's easy to take them out for a meal.

Frouby · 17/04/2019 06:44

Dd is 14 and has always been an angel to take anywhere. Was eating out from being a baby, on holiday in naice restaurants from 2, always well behaved, never a problem with a little bag of dollies and pens.

Ds who is now 5 is, erm, different. It's only been the last year when he has been seriously interested in watching YouTube videos on dhs phone that we have been able to actually enjoy meals out, and even then if he is tired or hangry, it can be difficult.

Both brought up the same way, same sort of early experiences, same expectations.

If your dh insists on it go out of the area to places you wouldn't normally go, then when they have meltdowns it won't matter as much to you, as you won't be going back!

LawnsLT · 17/04/2019 07:06

My boy is 4 and I don’t take him out anymore at the moment - normally I cannot relax and if it’s an occasion (normally is if I’m at a restaurant) then it’s not very relaxing for everyone else in the party, let alone the other diners!
He is getting better but agree with a few posts on here - start with the cafe, McDonald’s etc and work your way up!
My boy can handle the cafe because I think he knows it’s not going to be a long drawn out affair.

Spikeyball · 17/04/2019 07:23

"Some 2 year olds can behave in a restaurant and some cannot. It has very little to with how sternly Mummy tells them to sit quietly."

I agree with this. At 2 it is to do with development stage and different personalities. Some children are happy to sit still happily colouring and conversing and others can't sit still for more than a few minutes, want to touch everything and/or see crayons as something to eat or throw. Sensory difficulties also comes into it at that age as these don't settle down till a child is 3 or 4 and so they are more likely to be 'hyper' due to over stimulation due to noise, too much visual stimulation and smell.

Halo84 · 17/04/2019 07:38

I agree with those that say they are too young. Five is good for family restaurants, ten or older, depending on your children, for better restaurants. Mine didn’t even go to McDonalds at age two.

toomuchtooold · 17/04/2019 07:45

At the age of two, the ability to sit still for half an hour is pretty random I think - some kids are content to look about them and chatter to the adults, some (DD2) can't be arsed with it, and I think at that age you're a good year or two off of them being able to consistently understand that there are rules and be motivated to join in. And when you have one kid that age you can do a lot to distract and entertain them, but when you have two it sort of exposes how "bad" their behaviour would be if you weren't constantly managing it. Why would you bother? It's wasted on them at that age anyway. In a couple of years they'll be much easier to teach, and it'll actually be nice to go out for food with them, if you're not already soured off of eating out by that time.

AJPTaylor · 17/04/2019 07:47

At 2 it depends entirely on the child how well that will go. It's not parenting. Dd1 sat at the table, chatted to us, ate nicely and charmed every passing elderly person who spoke to her. I congratulated myself on my brilliant parenting.
Dd2 was a normal 2 year old. Had no interest in waiting hours(to her,) for food, chatting nicely, putting up with being in a strange place full of strangers or eating strange food.
If I had 2 year old twins I frankly wouldn't bother. Pub with garden in the summer.

Blueuggboots · 17/04/2019 08:01

My DS wouldn't even sit at the table at home to eat when he was 2!
Going out for a meal is meant to be enjoyable. I'd refuse or let him take them himself!!

missmouse101 · 17/04/2019 08:09

God no. All the time in the world when they are a bit older! Why, why, why subject yourselves to such stress?

BarbarianMum · 17/04/2019 08:28

Another vote for pub gardens here (wait til weather is warmer). You wouldnt expect them to sit at the table at home and wait half an hour for dinner, so of course they're not going to do it in a restaurant. Age 2 ds1 sat still nowhere for anyone. He was quite civilised by 4 and totally fine by 6.