Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 9 10 11

Original poster

DH insists we go out to eat with kids, but I don't want to. AIBU?

273 replies

NoHolidaysforyou · 16/04/2019 16:18

I have two year olds that for some reason seem to take it in turns to have meltdowns at restaurants. I do not want to go out. We have tried iPads and all that, but they don't care. My DH insists we still go out and try to teach them to behave well. I think generally some kids just behave well and some don't. Ours don't. I don't want to go out anymore, AIBU?

OP posts:

ilikemethewayiam · 17/04/2019 22:42

Nope, nope, nope! no way! I’d rather have teeth pulled! Tell Hubby he takes them by

edgeofheaven · 18/04/2019 02:43

CherylCheshire Plenty of older readers will remember the days when almost every child in the world behaved like an angel when out and about in the company of its parents.
Children themselves haven't changed since those days: it's just that the consequences of misbehaviour have changed dramatically.
May I suggest a little more discipline in the home environment?

What a load of nonsense. My parents were very strict disciplinarians but DB was never taken to the supermarket until he was about 6 years old, he always threw epic tantrums no matter how harsh the "consequences" (which in my house were being spanked). So you can just f- off with this idea that back in the olden days children were all angels. Eating out in restaurants is far more affordable now than it was even when I was a child and I'm only in my 30s. I don't believe that it was common to have well behaved toddlers routinely in restaurants at any point in history.

Greeborising · 18/04/2019 02:50

Unless you are able to control/manage behaviour at home you will never be able to control it in shops, restaurants etc.
We like going out for lunch/dinner, holidays (which includes restaurants)
All of ours were included from day 1and bad behaviour was not tolerated.
We always tried to make it fun for them ie not just adults trying to have a nice time despite the kids
I believe you should take your kids out to eat
How else are they going to learn?
To pp’s saying they are too young and wait til they’re 4yo, I say
Start now!

Sweetpea55 · 18/04/2019 06:46

This sounds very stressful. What about just taking one of them and leaving the other with gp's Then take the other one next week.

Teateaandmoretea · 18/04/2019 06:47

Plenty of older readers will remember the days when almost every child in the world behaved like an angel when out and about in the company of its parents.
Children themselves haven't changed since those days: it's just that the consequences of misbehaviour have changed dramatically.
May I suggest a little more discipline in the home environment?

what an absolute load of old tosh. Some of us remember misbehaving as children...... and have been told otherwise by our parents.

YouJustDoYou · 18/04/2019 06:50

I'm of the same viewpoint as you. My oldest (now almost6) was a chronic tantrummer. Hated being made to sit still, hated being indoors. So I never took him to a seated situation until he was old enough to handle it (aroubd 4). My SIL on the other hand laughed at me and said "you just MAKE them sit there". She and her dh went out constantly with their kid and of course she was perfect and never tantrummed. But my son just hated it. I was lonely for not going out but it was sure as he'll a lot less unnecessarily stressful.

Sockwomble · 18/04/2019 07:15

Two year olds don't need to learn to eat in restaurants. Regular eating out at that age is because parents want to and like to do it.

notyourmummy · 18/04/2019 07:33

If you don't want to go then you'll be on edge and won't enjoy it, so I understand what you're saying and I wouldn't go in those circumstances. I've got a just turned 2yo and a nearly 8yo and we mostly go to buffet style places to eat, because there's no waiting around for food to arrive. That said, we found Prezzo amazingly toddler friendly last week! If your DH is so keen to take them then tell him he can, he'll soon realise why you're not keen

Oblomov19 · 18/04/2019 09:39

I can't remember what age it was, but Dh and I made a decision not to eat out with ds's for about a year, because they just weren't behaving and Dh and I thus didn't find it enjoyable.
Was a good decision!!

manicmij · 18/04/2019 10:56

It's amazing that someone has recognised their children are a pain when eating out and the responses seem to be, don't do it.
Yet there have been so many posts decrying anyone who moans about children being disruptive in restaurants, cafes etc.

Sashkin · 18/04/2019 13:13

Manic there’s a big difference between taking a child out for a long Sunday lunch (where the meal is the event, and you are likely to be there for a while) and the other threads about whether it’s ok to grab a sandwich from Costa when you are out shopping for the day with your children.

And in the most recent thread, the complaint was that a ten month old baby was babbling. The mother said she would have removed him if he had been screaming, the question was whether quiet babies should be allowed out in public at all when their mere presence offends some people. Very different from this thread, which is saying “should I take my children to something I know they will scream through?”

Londonmummy66 · 18/04/2019 16:00

There's a reason for the phrase terrible twos and another reason for the phrase double trouble so it isn't really surprising that twin 2 year olds are a handful....

I used to hate going out with my two at that sort of age and they were reasonably quiet - just the mess they made was enough for me. I would suggest one at a time and expect to have a constant conversation with them/keep them entertained. Otherwise wait for the weather to improve and try a sandwich and a drink in a park cafe or a meal in a pub garden. The one good rule is no pudding if they don't behave.

But I feel your pain.

sunshinemode · 19/04/2019 06:48

We took our son out from birth but mostly local places that knew us. Sometimes we had to take it in turns to have him and entertain him as he was never one for sitting in a high chair. In one noodle bar the waitress used to walk him around so we could finish our meal, he’s now 10 and orders the meal for us all there. Holiday waiters in Greece and Turkey were great too where they really enjoy children in restaurants. They would take him to look at the fish. We never took iPads but conversation was child centred.

Whatafustercluck · 19/04/2019 07:59

May I suggest a little more discipline in the home environment?

If that were the case, those struggling with 2 year olds would presumably also be struggling with their 8yo's behaviour and in the vast majority of cases that simply isn't true. 2yo ds was an absolute nightmare at the dinner table, could not sit still, fiddled with everything, the whole affair was stressful - despite us attempting to take him out places to eat 'from birth'. As an 8yo he's genuinely one of the best behaved children you'll meet - as commented on by others, not just us. Nowt wrong with our approach to behaviour.

Dd at 2 is a different story and can sit for longer periods without fiddling and is much more easily 'entertained'. We've raised them no differently. Those thinking you've got excellent restaurant eaters "because we've always taken them out to eat from birth" or "because we discipline them effectively" are simply wrong. Your parenting skills are much the same as most other people's - you simply lucked out, in some cases twice. Op has 2yo twins - taking them out for a meal requires nerves of steel and the hide of a rhino.

Deathraystare · 19/04/2019 08:03

My DH insists we still go out and try to teach them to behave well.

Good idea! You sit there with headphones on, tuning out, whilst he tries to control them!!!

justarandomtricycle · 19/04/2019 08:07

Yep, this should be his mission.

Right now he thinks eating out is a vital life skill for 2 year olds. Let him deal with it while you look on (or even don't go) and he will become more relaxed about this urgent requirement, I am sure.

LettuceP · 19/04/2019 08:23

We have eaten out pretty much weekly since DD (3yo) was newborn, always did before kids so we just carried on. We never go for dinner though, always lunch. We have never had any major problems with DD and I do think it might be because it's something she has done so regularly that it isn't exciting or new so she doesn't play up. No getting out of your seat unless going to the loo has been a firm rule from day one, even as a toddler. We just stuck to it no matter what and if she had a tantrum one of us took her outside until she calmed down.

Having said that our DS is only 1 and, although he's fine in restaurants atm and just sits in his highchair, we might have more trouble with him. I doubt it will stop us though, we love eating out too much.

CookPassBabtridge · 19/04/2019 10:04

We waited until DS was 3ish as it was so different, no crying or running around the place, no need for iphone distraction etc. It was stressful before this and so why bother putting yourself through it. It's not enjoyable at all.

RubySlippers77 · 19/04/2019 22:46

OP, my DTs are 3.5 and sometimes it is easier! DTS2 is a very good eater, will sit and concentrate, try most things etc. DTS1 though is very fussy and just has no interest in food, he'll pick at a bit but really would rather have snacks and be done.

We've found it works better to separate them, if that's any help - often DP will sit with DTS2 and they'll eat whilst I entertain DTS1 somewhere else, then I hustle him in and he eats a mouse sized portion whilst I try to shovel in what I can. I often end up taking leftovers home and finishing them later but I'd rather do that than deal with bored, irritatingly whiny DC!

RubySlippers77 · 19/04/2019 22:47

And no, I'm not a fan of eating out with them either - would rather get a takeaway and have it at home - but sometimes needs must

MsTSwift · 19/04/2019 22:50

I have two biddable girls extremely well behaved. Am quite strict. No way can you eat out with a two year old and have a vaguely relaxing time. Is he mental? In a few years yes.

IHopeYouUnderstandWeArePuppets · 19/04/2019 22:59

When the kids were littler we would always got to Pizza Hut. A tad down market I know, but it really got them used to eating out. You can go straight up to the salad bar for little nibbley bits that will keep them going until the pizza arrives, then if they’re good the can go up to the ice cream factory afterwards . I always kept a pack of colouring pencils, notepads and a little bag of plastic toys that come with magazines in the changing bag for entertainment.

They are now 5 and 6 and I really wouldn’t be very concerned taking them anywhere now, this thread has reminded me of the days when it felt like a juggling act. I’m glad we persevered with them though, kids will only know how to behave if they practise it.

feelingsinister · 20/04/2019 14:14

@MsTSwift You can actually and I do regularly with two and three year olds. Ok, it's not quite as relaxing as a meal with adults but it's still fun and they're good company.

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 9 10 11