DH insists we go out to eat with kids, but I don't want to. AIBU?

[NoHolidaysforyou]

I have two year olds that for some reason seem to take it in turns to have meltdowns at restaurants. I do not want to go out. We have tried iPads and all that, but they don't care. My DH insists we still go out and try to teach them to behave well. I think generally some kids just behave well and some don't. Ours don't. I don't want to go out anymore, AIBU?

We solved that by only eating at Pizza Express or Giraffe for about six years! It was DC who eventually said they wanted to try somewhere else. We graduated to places like Byron burgers. Now they can eat anywhere. I agree with your DH that they need to learn how to behave in restaurants but not aged two! Even in Pizza Express, they'd all have eaten and DH would be paying the bill and putting them in the car while I finally got around to necking my salad because I'd spent all mealtime keeping the peace.

If you have babysitters on tap, don’t want a social life with your children ever and always want to feel like this then YANBU.
We took both our DC’s out to restaurants in the pram when they were both less than a week old and have continued to do so as we don’t have any sitters, we like eating out and don’t want to be embarrassed by our off spring. We don’t use iPads as we like to have a conversation they used to like colouring in pizza express and colouring, reading and sticker books I took when younger. They had off days occasionally but 90% of the time my DC behave well in restaurants and I have received lots of compliments over the years about the behaviour and manners which is lovely so it’s worth persevering. DH’s side still talk about how well our DC behaved at a family wedding one was aged just turned three and the other almost two.

They are too young at the moment. But if he keeps whining about it, then he can take them by himself. No compromise on this. He undoubtedly thinks that keeping them in order is your job, so he can show off about what a wonderful dad he is, so let him put the effort in.

We have always taken ours out since babies. With no family nearby it is the only way we could socialise. When mine and DHs grandparents were alive, they loved to celebrate special occasions at nice hotels - silver service, 3/4 courses then coffee in the lobby etc. We always took DD who is now 11 and DS now 9 from newborn. But saying that I think we were lucky. We are quite strict and have always insisted on good table manners, no running during meals (at home or out). The hard work pays off and they are now proper foodies, love restaurants and on holiday in Sicily last year were quite happy to sit having long leisurely dinners that stretched 3 hours. The kids do have friends even at their age that still don’t know how to behave in restaurants or when they eat at other peoples houses on play dates. Can’t sit still, shovel food with their fingers. But if you don’t take them and set certain standards, you can’t expect them to suddenly start behaving and enjoying just because they’re 7 or 8 years old.

Your husbands mum did well, that’s what it should be like, we eat out with our kids, our youngest is 6 months, we took her out to a restaurant for lunch when she was 2 days old, we take the 3 kids to restaurants in the evening and they are pretty good, my 6 year old has been out with me and partner since very young and he’s always been well behaved, teach it at home none of this they won’t sit in a Highchair, make them and don’t give in, they’re clever, if you don’t make them sit in it a few times they soon learn and scream when you try, our 6 month old knew she sits in her pram while we eat and she comes out when we finish, always stuck to that.

We always took DS out to eat from a very early age, and he was mostly very good (very food focussed!) but even with a mini foodie there could be times when he was a little horror difficult.
But we always had rules at home, ate meals together and at the table. We did that before DS came along and we really wanted to continue to eat as a family. Both of us WOH.
But if the kids don't see it as an enjoyable treat (while DS definitely did) that's going to make it much more difficult and it may be that it's a little too soon for them. Leave it for a bit perhaps.

You can teach them how to behave, good table manners, etc at home. If you're not setting the standards at home then you can't expect them to suddenly behave differently when they're out. Consistency is important for children.
That said, they are in the middle of the terrible twos. Tantrums and meltdowns are normal!

I agree that children should get used to eating out but it is hard when they are young and no fun for parents.

We would take our children to brunch which would work. We would feed the children a small breakfast and then go out about 11 so they are still happy and usually prefer breakfast foods. Then progress to lunches and early dinners.

I have s 2 year old and only take him out to eat if is McDonald's, or his grandparents come with us. 4 adults against 2 toddler and we stand a chance of making it through unscathed.

I'd actually rather take him out to eat than to the supermarket though. It's hell on earth at the minute.

I don't think other diners should have to put up with tantrums. Your husband sounds very selfish.

Sorry, haven't RTFT. Maybe your DH could try taking one DS out. See how he acts without his brother around. Just to see if there's a change in their behaviour. If not, it'll have to be takeaways for the next year or so

No way too stressful. Two year olds get bored easily and you can’t expect them to behave. They get better as they get older, then is the time for eating out x

What is it that they meltdown over? Are you trying to keep them say at the table and so they react?
Could you have a little rucksack that you take with you with a selection of small play sets that they can only play with when they’re at an eatery? That way the toys are unique to that situation and a “treat” for being good

My eldest was a total nightmare to take out until he was about 7 (now we know about his ADHD, it makes a lot more sense). We didn't take him out until he was at least 4. My youngest was great from a baby. Now, it's fun going out with them. I recommend family run Italian and Greek places as they are great with kids and go early so there are few other diners. Good luck xx

Yes, it could be sensory issues, if they're freaking out pretty much straight away. Too noisy, bright. I've been in TGI fridays and hated it because the music was loud and I'm an adult. Are there definitely no underlying health concerns? A hell of a lot of asd (autistic) children find restaurants extremely hard to handle.

Unless they are fairly well-behaved in general I would not take them out to restaurants at such a young age.

My nephew, from the age of 2 right up to 10 was a bloody nightmare. His mum wasn't oblivious to it but didn't really deal with it. He has ruined meals for special occasions, not just for my family, but for loads of other families.

We get away with eating out with our 20 week old , but I time it around nap and we have one course and eat fast 😂 a 2 year is going to struggle the wait is a life time ... Toby cavers may be the lesser of some evils ( provided you all have the cavery and eat quick ) but if it stresses the kids out I would leave it until they can communicate better what is making them melt down.
Maybe they hate crowed rooms ... stranger searching them eat ( an issue I remember having ... still hate it but can resist kicking on the floor as an adult ) 😂😂

A two year old is too young to be going out to dinner. They are going to get fidgety. Why do you need to go out with them at this age?
They will only be equipped to learn how to 'behave' at dinner from about 5 or 6 years old. Why push it?

2 to deal with is hard. Mine is 10 months and has a meal out at least once a week, but 2 at once is hard in case they both kick off the time.

We’ve always taken DS out to eat (he’s 2 now). But:

We pick places where we don’t have to book, so if DS is in a strop we just stay home and eat pasta instead.
We often feed him a smallish meal first, and then he can just play with his food/eat what he likes instead of sitting getting increasingly hungry as waiters walk past with trays of food for other people (got him through my birthday meal at a Japanese restaurant that way ).
We have no expectation of DH and I eating at the same time.
We leave the minute he starts getting whiny.
There is only one of him and two of us.

I can see both sides, I wouldn’t say eating out with DS is fun, but it is nicer than sitting at home every weekend so it’s worth the risk for us.

I think there is an argument that children won't learn to behave in that sort of situation if they don't do it.

My friend's toddler was very challenging and she had a couple of difficult times at play groups so she stopped taking him because she was embarrassed. I totally get that but I don't think the answer was to stop the activity.

I know going out for meals is a bit different but I wouldn't avoid it completely. Start with coffee and cake then brunch. No pressure and child friendly places but don't avoid taking them out to eat completely.

Your husband will be right in a few years time!

But at two years old : begin at home and add in a quick scone occasionally at a friendly cafe for the next couple of years.

If your kids playing up at restaurants they might be overwhelmed by the place, maybe to much strange noise, too much people strange people. Maybe some sensory issues going on? Or maybe the place is too boring for them, or too dark or too bright?

2 is very young to expect it to be an enjoyable dinner. We didn't do it. MY DS hated the noise and the people and it was never enjoyable. Maybe send your DP on his own and you stay home and relax?

Sounds stressful. Avoid. If he wants to teach them he can go do it without you