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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH insists we go out to eat with kids, but I don't want to. AIBU?

273 replies

NoHolidaysforyou · 16/04/2019 16:18

I have two year olds that for some reason seem to take it in turns to have meltdowns at restaurants. I do not want to go out. We have tried iPads and all that, but they don't care. My DH insists we still go out and try to teach them to behave well. I think generally some kids just behave well and some don't. Ours don't. I don't want to go out anymore, AIBU?

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 16/04/2019 18:37

I'm in France. I used to take my smalls solo, but only to places like Buffalo Grill. We'd get some starter like stuff eg chicken wings or spare ribs and a drink. I'd generally had enough of the experience by the end of that and they'd eat their ice creams in the car.

Chains specifically for the family market help a lot. Always had colouring stuff. No tech at that age.

I've never not done it. And they got better and better.

woolduvet · 16/04/2019 18:37

I was a childminder and would take them out regularly to eat. No iPads but I'd do colouring or stickers whilst waiting for food.
It's all about expectations, tell them how they'll behave and what will happen (puss as a reward?)

justasking111 · 16/04/2019 18:38

Now the summer is coming places with tables outside are useful you can wander around a bit with a restless child looking at flowers, plants, insects while the food is being prepared.

woolduvet · 16/04/2019 18:39

Oh and go when it's quiet, go somewhere with no loud music etc.

woolduvet · 16/04/2019 18:40

And as soon as one starts to kick off, whip them outside let them have a tantrum and calmly say we'll go back in when you're happy.

Springisallaround · 16/04/2019 18:45

Two is very different than one. Two can egg each other on, or one flops on the floor whilst the other refuses to open their mouth. One well-behaved quite obedient child who hasn't thought up how to be naughty (and there are some like this, I know a couple!) is not the same as two very lively twins.

I would skip eating out for a year or two and come back to it. We ate out from about 3 and 5 onwards but it was stressful for the first few years as they used to be very silly on occasion. By about 6 and 8 we could go pretty much anywhere including posher places and it was fine.

No rush!

Teateaandmoretea · 16/04/2019 18:47

Could you just go somewhere child friendly like pizza express or something like that.

I think pizza express is the worst because there are always loads of kids playing up.

OP I've taken mine to restaurants since they were really little and its never been a problem. I could smugly pretend its how I've trained them but I don't think that's the case. Bizarrely enough they were right little so and sos in different scenarios and dd2 still is. I just think maybe they like eating?

If it's not fun don't do it I reckon. Otoh restaurants are the only place anyone had ever complimented me on my dc's behaviour 😂😂

Teateaandmoretea · 16/04/2019 18:48

Although one note of caution we couldn't linger after the eating was complete at 2 ....

Fraxion · 16/04/2019 18:50

YADNBU, especially with two 2 year olds. My daughter was really well behaved and a joy at that age, we could take her anywhere… except out for lunch/dinner. She just would not sit still and someone had to distract or wander about with her until the food arrived. By 3 she was absolutely fine. .

PlainVanilla · 16/04/2019 18:51

They need to behave well at home before going out.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 16/04/2019 18:51

When my son was 2 we were eating in a restaurant and an elderly couple came over to say they had been watching our ds for the previous hour and couldn’t get over how well he sat talking to us, was not crying or trying to get out of his high chair and how well he could use a knife and fork. That their grandsons were 5 and 7 and could not behave like he could. How did we do it?

The answer is we done nothing- that was just ds, he was a quiet child (yes he did have the odd melt down!), who sat happily talking. It was just his personality, it was nothing magical we done as parents. There’s no advice I could give any other parent, because we didn’t nail it as parents, we didn’t have brilliant parenting skills, because we did nothing ourselves, it was just ds and his own little personality.

Racheyg · 16/04/2019 18:52

I have to admit my kids arent great at eating out.
They are 4 and nearly 6
They are fussy eaters. No sauce on pasta ect so you end up paying for very expensive boiled pasta.

We do eat out but just seems so unnecessary most of the time.

thefinn · 16/04/2019 18:56

He is right that ofcourse at some point they will have to learn, but at 2? As a nanny I did do it, with varying results but not with everyone at such a young age. It can wait.

Dillydallyingthrough · 16/04/2019 19:00

I agree with both of you, if it's not enjoyable for you - I don't understand why you would want to go. But I agree that they need to learn how to behave when they eat out. I've taken mine out since she was a baby at least monthly - she's now 15. I'm a SP with no family close by so there was no way I was not going out for dinner with friends (as that was my only social life). She was fine at 2 - I'm also strict with no electronics at the table even at that age. BUT she is an only, so it's very different to your situation. I do take my godchildren out often, when they were 4 and 3 I had a couple of occasions when they played up, I took them out immediately, let them get it out their system, have a stern talking to and they would lose their sweet treat - only took it to happen twice and then they behaved (nothing like seeing a sibling eating a dessert when you can't!). I have always taken little toys (the small lego models were always good).

Newyearbollocks · 16/04/2019 19:05

I have four children and I take them to eat out regularly. I always have since my children have been young. My youngest is 2 and she is actually for the most part, quite well behaved. She enjoys it. Having said that, every child is different. You don't want to be doing something that makes you completely stressed out as a parent, that's when you start questioning your ability to parent. Some children just have a nature that doesn't allow them to sit still for long periods of time. My children are no different. My 2 year sits still for the most part, other times she gets narky, so I take her for a little walk. Or yes! You guessed it, let her watch peppa pig on my phone, which is near on silent. I also take colouring books, dolls, cars. Just whatever really. Tbh I've taught my boys table manners since very toddlers, but even they can bicker amongst themselves every so often. "He has more pop than me, his pizza looks better". That's the nature of children. If they are too stressful I take them home.
I don't buy this nonsense, you can teach children to sit and behave, the more you do something. They are children! They have their moments. Sometimes I take them out and they behave impeccably. Its never the same experience.
They do always say please and thank you. But we all feel different every day. It's no different for children.
Obviously there will be the extreme cases whereby children are brought up to be almost feral Grin but more often than not, if a child is acting up. They are bored, hungry, tired or restless.

Honestly, if you don't want to eat out because it's just too much right now. Then don't. If your husband doesn't like it, hes more than welcome to juggle twins alone Wink

Newyearbollocks · 16/04/2019 19:06

Oh and taking more than one child out to eat it's a considerably taking an individual child out.

Newyearbollocks · 16/04/2019 19:06

Is a considerably different experience*

Dam phone!

managedmis · 16/04/2019 19:07

What's the point?

Paying money for hassle and inconvenience? Why?

TeaForDad · 16/04/2019 19:07

I haven't rtft but have you thought about going separately? Dad and one one night, mum and one the other?
Or same night, different places?

BurrSir · 16/04/2019 19:11

I’ve always taken DD out to eat since she was brand new. She’s not two yet but I can hand on my heart say there’s only been about 4 occasions when she hasn’t behaved

Yabbers · 16/04/2019 19:12

I think generally some kids just behave well and some don't.

Yeah. Sure. Some kids randomly misbehave, nothing to do with parenting. 🙄

MenuPlant · 16/04/2019 19:18

Not read most of the thread.

My parents made me and my bro go to all sorts of stuff when we were young and then they'd get pissed off when we got tired / bored etc. Also they didn't seem to understand about quitting while you were ahead with museums and stuff and would insist on doing it for hours. I have really bad memories of it all.

So with ours I would say no wait til they are big enough and will enjoy it and don't try to do stuff that is hours if you know they will get bored. This is common sense I thikn but not how I was raised!

So that's what we did even to the extent of me declining an invitation from my mum to take them to xmas ballet thing at royal opera house when they were 4 and 6. I said no they are too young they will get bored you will get annoyed as £££ etc. She was not happy but agreed.

Anyway we did the stuff when I felt it was going to be OK and they are v well behaved and did start going with my mum at xmas when they were maybe 7 and 9 or something and it's all worked well. They are way more interested in museums and things than I was, in fact my parents put me off them for years!

Also, I had post natal depressiona dn anxiety that lingered on and I just thougth why do something eg restauarant at 1 and 3 when I it'll just be really difficult all round? Sadly in UK children aren't really welcome unless seen and not heard and you have to work with what you have. Different in other countires I have heard.

I think you are right OP and your OH is setting everyone up to fail.

MenuPlant · 16/04/2019 19:20

I have a friend with lively children she has insisted on taking them out for meals always and it always ends in arguments and tears and her not understanding where she's going wrong and why everyone elses kids are better behaved.

kids are different you need to take the reality of how your kids are into account and not do things that you know will end up awful but keep doing it due to some kind of fantasy about families and stuff.

now her kids are bigger it's fine.

why didn't she wait.

justasking111 · 16/04/2019 19:25

I think we are lucky living in a tourist area the food business has to make their money in a few short months. We have hotels, caravan sites, holiday homes, if the establishments were not kid friendly they would soon have to shut up shop. It was not like this years ago though.

Jux · 16/04/2019 19:35

My parents took us out to restaurants often when we were very young, like my little brother was a babe in arms, and I can remember being at restaurants with him when he was still a toddler. We would be expected to behave, but between courses - when adults chat - we were told to run around the block, or play in the garden if the restaurant had one.

We didn't take dd out often but that was because we hadn't the money. If we'd been a bit richer we'd have taken her out for meals regularly.

Try them in MacDonald's first and work up to nice places.

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