DH insists we go out to eat with kids, but I don't want to. AIBU?

[NoHolidaysforyou]

I have two year olds that for some reason seem to take it in turns to have meltdowns at restaurants. I do not want to go out. We have tried iPads and all that, but they don't care. My DH insists we still go out and try to teach them to behave well. I think generally some kids just behave well and some don't. Ours don't. I don't want to go out anymore, AIBU?

Carvery is a good idea as no waiting for food once you have finished queuing initially. Go for one where you pay at the bar in advance - then you can leave as required. Possibly get your meal - let them choose food - then when you get to the table put their bits in a separate plate so they don't have too much food to eat. Other good options are buffets but you will find you are up and down all meal. We like the chain Giraffe as the food comes out quickly and there is good choice. It does get easier as they get older. As important is eating.lots of different foods at home so they are used to trying different things.

We always took DS out with us from being tiny, but he wasn't really a livewire and wad happy to sit with a piece of paper and a crayon, or his older brother would take him to the play area or read to him. DSS is 13 years older than him so he didn't have anyone his own age to get overexcited with.

I think you've had good advice about playing at home and rehearsing restaurant behaviour, but at 2 they ate still very small and if they are naturally active, they will be bored easily having to sit still.

I've always taken my DD out to eat and just been strict but I'll admit I'm a strict parent anyway. I don't allow her to have ipads at the table, she has to ask to leave, wait for people finish and so on.

I will only take mine to places that are catered to them, so hungry horse type places already full of kids, with tv’s at the table and a play area outside it’s just too difficult elsewhere.

I feel your pain. My DD was a nightmare when eating out too.

She eat her food quick and want be out running about.

When they get a bit older, it be fine your just have weather the storm lol.

I don't think he's wrong to want to try but you've got to work with what you've got!

Pizza express early doors (like 4.30pm) is good; national trust with those pick your own picnic lunch boxes and ready made sandwich for the grown ups, those type of places. Maybe get your DH to take one of them out for dinner and you stay home with the other (it's nice to try to do one on one time with twins).

We did have a bit of a dip in eating out when DS2 was 2-3 as he is quite spirited but now we can even go to proper restaurants so it's worth perservering.

If you DH is looking to go out for a 2 hour dinner and have 4 beers and for you to manage the kids solo, then he can, of course, jog on. It's man on man marking with twins til they get to about 4.

I would wait 12m and try again. If eating out is inevitable then I'd go for "instant" food like fast food or buffets like Ikea. If they were 4/5 then they should be able to cope with Pizza Express so I would persevere but there's no point with a 2 year old. Eating out is supposed to be relaxing.

I also have twin boys. We took a year out from attempting to eat out when they were 2. They were just a nightmare, always sat by the table at home fine.

We started again at 3 just quick child friendly places and now they're good most of the time.

It was important to me that we didn't resort to iPads at the table because I think they'd expect it all the time. Colouring books usually keep them occupied until food comes now.

Have the same issue @NoHolidaysforyou
We find that we go to a pub which has just a very small children's area where there's enough to keep them entertained whilst waiting for food but not enough that they aren't bored enough to just come to the table to eat when food arrives (for example our local-ish has a tiny corner of just stuff on the walls like jigsaws, magnetic games etc) This is the only way we can eat out unless picnic at the park

Do you have lots of occasions where you need to eat in restaurants as a family?

We take DS 3 out a lot so we can practise!
I'm Italian and DH is Asian so there are lots of big family meals and we don't tend to do child free weddings so it was important to us.

He is better in nicer places, in McDonalds/Pizzahut where there are lots of other kids he can get a bit silly.

I appreciate its stressful though, my DS is always the naughtiest one at church

Set the bar low - fast food - even McDonalds - they’ll get used to sitting at a table waiting . Pizza Hut is a good option too as you can take them up to chose their salad . Take books and colouring , even small toys .

If you do go then go for 30 mins before their usual meal times. I would wait until they no longer napping and just go out at lunch otherwise you are going when they are very tired. ASK is good because they put a toddler starter on the table virtually as you sit down.

I didn’t find it relaxing or pleasurable to eat out with young children.

Whilst I agree they need to learn, we decided they could learn at home and then go out once they were a bit older!

It lead to a far more pleasant experience!

I have 4DC and we have eaten out since they were babies. My OH also has family in spain and eating out with kids is part of the norm. However no one gets stressed if kids have a melt down and I think that is the issue. In the UK you get face pulls and tuts if DC are not sat quiet or even think of getting restless...... If your boys find it a struggle stick with lunch instead or an early meal out at a kid friendly place. As for you OP when you get to the restaurant order yourself a large glass of wine and let your DH parent the boys seeing he is so keen on eating out...

You poor thing! YANBU

Toddler twins can be real livewires, the noise and delays and stranger around can make that even more pronounced.
Some children are happy to be entertained in restaurants for ages, some feel trapped and anxious or full of energy.

Stick to picnics, a dring and a biscuit, or the chippie for the next couple of years (and babysitters!) and they will settle into calmer behavious are they grow.

It could be sensory issues that are causing the problems.

It could be, Blackeyed. Or it could be because they are TWO?

We ate out really successfully with DD, until recently (she's nearly 3), but it's all gone to pot with the arrival of baby DS. Two is just too many, so we're doing picnics or quick cafe in and outs as others have suggested.

I miss our nice brunches!

Surely your DH must see, though, that the way to get them restaurant-ready is just to keep working on general behaviour and table manners, which will then all be useful when you do all start going to restaurants?

OP please remind your DH that a 6 month old can hardly run round the table and trip up the waitress. Such a ridiculous comparison.

We did little except very quick places when DS was that age. From around 3 and a half ish his patience and understanding increased enough we could usually enjoy a pretty decent meal. On the promise of ice cream for pudding if he sat nicely of course

2 is definitely not too young OP. I only have one but he's been eating out since he was weaning. He's not perfect but generally he will sit and wait for food, do a bit of colouring and have a chat, then he eats his dinner. Occasionally he wants to sit on me and eat. He's only 2.3 now and eats out at least monthly.

We’ve always eaten out with our kids (also twins). Ours were fine at 2 but had a phase of behaving badly around 3 or 4. They grew out of it. I slowed down on meals out then but didn’t stop completely as I tend to agree they need experience and practice I order to get there. We did find that taking them out individually worked better, so that might be something to try.

Now (at 9yrs) there are no melt downs or the like but their table manners seem to have deteriorated badly! So more work to do. I am clinging to the idea it will all be worth it in the end.

We went to places like Brewers Fayre, where you helped yourself from a buffet. That worked fine. We would have a main course then ice creams. Crayons, i pad, whatever works. Now with grandchildren we go to child friendly places that know to get the food out fast. Use netflix. We also pack picnics and go to places where they can let off steam and eat when they want.

I do wish they had invented i pads with our DCs Peppa Pig has saved our bacon a few times

babies toddlers children learn to eat nicely if taken from an early age - ive always taken as a nanny and now as a mum

we eat out 2/4 times a month

helps to have some toys/colouring but i dont bribe with phone when out for a meal

as with everything if they do enough they will manage to cope with

I'd just send your DH out with them. He can teach them himself while you have a relaxed meal at home.

We have twins too and ate out with them from when they were babies. Then aged 2 it became a nightmare. They couldn't sit in a high chair for even a quick meal, it wasn't fair on them and it wasn't enjoyable. Then aged about 3 it all changed and they could manage it (with entertainment like colouring sheets, toys or books) and it became enjoyable for all again. It's a stage, that like the others will pass. You are right to give it a break for a while and try again when they're a bit older.