Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH insists we go out to eat with kids, but I don't want to. AIBU?

273 replies

NoHolidaysforyou · 16/04/2019 16:18

I have two year olds that for some reason seem to take it in turns to have meltdowns at restaurants. I do not want to go out. We have tried iPads and all that, but they don't care. My DH insists we still go out and try to teach them to behave well. I think generally some kids just behave well and some don't. Ours don't. I don't want to go out anymore, AIBU?

OP posts:
HotpotLawyer · 16/04/2019 17:17

Some kids are simply not interested in food, and definitely not interested in being trapped immobile in a high chair.

One of mine enjoyed food and was happy to chat and be entertained in situ.

Two were not. They fought being in a high chair as soon as their hunger was sated. They were good enough eaters, but even sweet treats would not keep them in place.

I stopped going out to eat.

By 4.5 / 5 they were adventurous eaters and happy to sit and chat at a table. Because they were older, no longer 2, or threenagers. They had understanding, maturity, etc. And 'good manners' and 'restaurant voice' meant something to them.

They now have exemplary social graces as teens.

It is not necessary to battle this out at toddler stage, wasting money on restaurant food and making everyone around you wince in order to have well behaved older children.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 16/04/2019 17:18

I'd say leave it a year, then try again.

Or go to Giraffe - if you go on a weekend there will definitely be worse kids than yours there. Try to be seated near them, and nobody will notice what your DCs do.

Dungeondragon15 · 16/04/2019 17:18

I used to take my children out at that age because I enjoyed not having to cook and they were quite well-behaved as they seemed to like it too. However, it's daft to spend money if none of you will enjoy it. They don't need to be " taught" how to eat in restaurants. Just wait until they are older and more civilised and they will behave anyway. No lessons, hassle and wasted money required.

WaxOnFeckOff · 16/04/2019 17:21

Neither of you on the face of it are being unreasonable (though clearly the two year olds are! :o)

There is nothing wrong with waiting but equally it is nice to be able to go out and eat.

I think there are ways to make it easier. Don't go out when they are really hungry to places where it's unpredictable as to when food will appear. Start of with McDs or similar or buffet restaurants etc. Or go for a snack type thing inbetween lunch and dinnerto somewhere that will serve quickly such as cafe for an icecream or cake and juice.

I had two 13 months apart, it's not easy and they were to be fair, fairly easy going, but they were more likely to be trouble when hungry and it's hard to explain at that age that their food will be here soon when they can see others eating.

BobBobBobbingAlong · 16/04/2019 17:24

Breakfast and brunch at that age, or maybe, just maybe a very child friendly place at noon on the dot. But otherwise just give it a rest for 18 months or so.

We took our PFB out for breakfast/brunch/lunch all the time. Then he became a toddler and it became less fun Grin. As teenagers he and his brother are now perfectly well behaved when we go out to eat. You don't need to eat out regularly with a toddler to make this work!

HotpotLawyer · 16/04/2019 17:24

"You cannot expect 2 year olds to have one behaviour for meals at home and a 'best behaviour' for restaurants or other peoples' houses. It needs to be one standard behaviour for mealtimes irrespective of your locatio"

Except that the timescales are completely different.

And two year olds have their own view of 'good behaviour'

These threads always divide the smug 'our children did it' from the rest....and some of us who had a child of each type know that it isn't down to slack parenting but the mad impulse of a small child not to want to sit still restrained and wait at 2 years old.

SingleMumFighting · 16/04/2019 17:24

OP I know its stressful. I would not bother for a while. Let your DH take them. I will say timing is everything. Go when they normally eat and get out quick.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 16/04/2019 17:27

I live in France, perfectly normal to take your child to a restaurant pretty much from birth. DS was taken when a week old.
However eating out is part of the culture and the children are trained to behave from a very young age, but are also welcome in restaurants and eat pretty much the same food as the adults.

At school, they sit down to a 3 course meal from aged 3. So they can usually manage about 40 minutes.

With DS, we used to pick things like Chinese buffets, so we could feed him straight away, then there was always someone with him in restaurants, whilst the other parent was serving themselves.
When he was younger, there were small quiet toys and colouring.
If it’s just lunch, I expect him to join in the conversation. He’s 8.

kiwiblue · 16/04/2019 17:29

I have a 4 and a 7 year old and they have been coming with us to restaurants since babies - not fancy but carluccios, pizza express, wagamama and we do the crayons, colouring, phones and distractions, and try not spent too long there just a main and quick kids dessert

This doesn't work for all 2 year olds though. Ours doesn't like to sit still and colour. Some things help, as a PP said we can get him to watch things out the window and distract him that way - but definitely no lingering for a dessert. We're bolting out as soon as we've finished our main. I'm hoping in a few months' time he'll be able to sit still for longer.

AnnaMagnani · 16/04/2019 17:32

Start with a garden centre with tables for sandwiches and cake. Or picnic tables outdoors in a park. Or pub with a garden in the summer.

Basically anywhere you can minimize the amount of time spent sitting down waiting to be served, then hanging around for the bill.

Somewhere self service, and where they can run off into the garden or look at animals when bored is going to work much better than a Toby Carvery.

Your DH can't remember how he behaved when he was 2. And he wasn't a twin.

TrixieFranklin · 16/04/2019 17:33

Pizza Hut is good actually they can nibble on salad bowls whilst waiting for their meal to come / whilst you pay. They have apples and crisps and bread sticks in their salad bar.

Chanandlersbong · 16/04/2019 17:34

Do either of you drive? Maybe a chippy picnic in the car somewhere scenic? We've done this with our DC's and they highly enjoyed it.

BunnyBob · 16/04/2019 17:35

Do you eat together as a family everyday, sitting at a table?

If they can eat nicely at home they should be able to do the same in a restaurant. Of course with toddlers it needs to be somewhere child friendly and you will need to make sure they are entertained while waiting for their meal.

I know it's probably harder with two toddlers than one, but we ate out at Plaaces like Pizza Express and our local pub from dd being about 9 months old (as soon as she could sit up and feed herself really). By age 2 she was no trouble in a restaurant and would play happily at the table with small toys like cars, bricks, books, a scribble pad etc.

bumblingbovine49 · 16/04/2019 17:38

I love all the stories about giving them crayons etc. When DS was about 2 years old, a friend with a DD the same age suggested a pub for.lunch after a morning in the park. I preferred a picnic in the park as I knew DS would.not sit quietly in a high chair for more than 15-20 mins and that was only because he had run around the park all morning, otherwise I got 5-10 mins max.

She said I was too uptight and riumphantly brought out crayons and paper ( as if I had never tried that Hmm). I suggested she try him on them before we went in the pub as she was convinced he would love them I just watched as DS ate the crayons, which I.knew he would. My friend was flabbergasted as her 2 yr old daughter had never done such a thing and was often happy to draw with crayons and generally stay in a high chair without crying to get down for up to an hour sometimes.

We went with the picnic in the end. Tbh, DS never liked sitting in restaurants much and was always raring to get out after about 30mins even when he was quite a bit older. Now he is 14 he is ok but still hates to wait while others linger over food

woollyheart · 16/04/2019 17:39

In my experience children sense that you are anxious, and become fractious. If you are relaxed but firm, they are most likely to behave well.

It might be best to try picnics and tables outside where you feel more comfortable. When you are happy with that, then try a restaurant.

Mitzimaybe · 16/04/2019 17:40

If your DH wants to take them to the Toby Carvery then why would you stop him? Wave them all off with a big smile and enjoy your freedom for an hour or two.

BunnyBob · 16/04/2019 17:42

Oh, and of course we talked to her too and interacted a lot to keep her busy, she wasn't expected to entertain herself while we talked.

Sleepyblueocean · 16/04/2019 17:43

If you won't enjoy it don't bother. Some 2 year olds are ready for sitting nicely and some aren't. It isn't the same as at home as restaurants can be a far more (over) stimulating environment.

reluctantbrit · 16/04/2019 17:44

I think it depends what you have for rules at home. When DD was born we took her with us from start. We actually did early dinners more often than lunch as she loved her naps and it was a nightmare when she became overtired at that age.

At home we always had meals together, breakfast is still the only meal she is excused early as DH and I enjoy lingering over cups of tea as we finally don’t have to rush out anymore for early clubs. Otherwise she was and is expected to sit nicely, eat with manners and talk to us. No toys, no electronics (same for adults). In restaurants we had magazines, books, paper and pen and had conversations.

Waveysnail · 16/04/2019 17:44

Take him to kids playcentre to eat Grin

bumblingbovine49 · 16/04/2019 17:47

And yes we did all.sit at a table at home but in a restaurant you have to wait for the order and often people have more than one course so it is not the same
Meals at home last about 10-15 mins, most cafes would take at least 30 mins if not the .self service type.

I agree with others about starting with cafes and self service type places where it is quick ( 15-20 mins to eat and pay) and move to table service ordering places on a year or two. We still only had one course in restaurants until DS was 6 or 7 at least. Our aim was always to be in and out within 45 mins to an hour maximum even when DS was 6 or 7. At that age it was just about achievable without too much stress as long as we bought entertainment ( comics etc)

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/04/2019 17:52

"My DH insists we still go out and try to teach them to behave well."
So when you're out and one/both of them starts to have a meltdown - what does your DH do to resolve the situation?

FangsTasticBeast · 16/04/2019 17:52

My older two were fine. With the younger two apart from McDonald’s we didn’t go out to eat until they were 5 and 6

orangesquashh · 16/04/2019 17:52

Two is too young for a meal out.

Really? I have a number of friends with two-year-olds who eat out fairly regularly. The kids generally behave fine.

outpinked · 16/04/2019 17:53

YANBU. There’s just no point at that age. They will learn in time but it’s boring for a two year old and they inevitably play up.