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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH insists we go out to eat with kids, but I don't want to. AIBU?

273 replies

NoHolidaysforyou · 16/04/2019 16:18

I have two year olds that for some reason seem to take it in turns to have meltdowns at restaurants. I do not want to go out. We have tried iPads and all that, but they don't care. My DH insists we still go out and try to teach them to behave well. I think generally some kids just behave well and some don't. Ours don't. I don't want to go out anymore, AIBU?

OP posts:
FiveLittlePigs · 16/04/2019 16:53

My husband says that his mum took him and his sis to restaurants at 6 months old

Ah, he's fallen for the mis-remembered rosy memories his mum reels off. Possibly like potty trained and dry at night by the age of 2, too.
Plus a 6 month old baby doesn't tend to fight to get out of the highchair, lob toys across the room and screech the house down if they don't get what they want.

Lovemusic33 · 16/04/2019 16:55

My idea of hell. It’s harder with 2 because if one starts playing up I’m guessing the other one will follow.

I do agree that kids need to learn to eat out but at 2 years old they are still very young. Stick to the odd trip out to a local cafe for cake or M&S cafe (somewhere where you can grab something quick to eat that you can always take with you if you have to leave). Pizza places are a nightmare, hate the places, usually have to wait ages for food and they are noisy places.

cariadlet · 16/04/2019 16:55

Some children are fine to eat out and others aren't. Parental expectations play a part but I think it's also down to the child's temperament.

We've eaten out with dd since she was a baby because we go on a lot of holidays. She was fine with sticker books, colouring and plenty of attention. A more active child would have been harder work.

If you're finding it stressful then leave it for now and try again when they're a bit older.

Smoggle · 16/04/2019 16:56

Just wait til they're older! You can struggle to teach 2 year olds to behave in restaurants, or you can just wait til they're 4 or 5 and it'll be easy.

I had one child who was beautifully behaved in restaurants (all because of my wonderful parenting of course) and one child who we were still sometimes leaving before ordering when he was 4 Grin

Fundays12 · 16/04/2019 16:57

Kids do need to learn to behave in restaurants etc but some kids do it younger than others. I can take my 7 and 2 year old into restaurants but we opt for family friendly ones with crayons etc. The 2 year old will sit for a about 45 minutes (longer if he takes a while to eat) but I would leave it a few months as if it’s not enjoyable what’s the point?

diddl · 16/04/2019 16:59

"Do people really not eat out at all for 4 years? Or longer if they have more than one child? "

We were lucky enough to get babysitters.

Is it the time you go at Op?

Have you tried lunch as well as evenings?

I have to say I prefer lunches out.

A bigger/later evening eal doesn't really suit me.

Unless it's imperative for your lifestyle that they are able to regularly eat out with you now I can't see the harm in waiting.

Or let your husband deal with it as it's so important to him.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/04/2019 17:00

I'd take them, but I'm in the minority! I'd take them to child friendly places, and enforce the same standards as at home. I love eating out and I'd be really sad not to be able to do it!

But I haven't seen your children and I've been pretty lucky that even children in mischievous moods tend to behave for me, I think it's years of professional childcare and a lot of luck. If you hate it (or it's not fair on other diners), don't take them.

callmeadoctor · 16/04/2019 17:00

Thats ok, let him take them. You stay at home with bath and wine Grin

MitziK · 16/04/2019 17:00

Dry at 2 years? No, it's always nine months. Always. And singing full songs/reading fluently by 11.

If he wants to teach them, he does it by himself.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 16/04/2019 17:01

"Do people really not eat out at all for 4 years? Or longer if they have more than one child? "

Yes. We have a child with ASD. No sitters at all. Family all dead or thousands of miles away. Went for years without going out to eat.

I think the suggestion that he takes them on his own is a fab one.

MitziK · 16/04/2019 17:01

(Naturally, MIL will say 11 months. Reality would be nearer 11 years).

Thebatmother · 16/04/2019 17:02

Eating out should be fun and civilised. If it’s not then it’s a waste of time and money. Work on the things they need to do at home - sitting to eat, no running about etc and when they’re improving at this, maybe try them with a quick lunch - sandwich and a drink etc in a cafe. If it’s a total disaster keep on with reinforcing civilised mealtime behaviour at home and try a quick lunch or snack out again in a week or twos time. Some children are fine with sitting and keeping themselves entertained with crayons and a few bits and pieces, others are a total nightmare.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 16/04/2019 17:03

Start small, a drink and a cookie in a favourite local café (usually the independent ones are better than chains for small children, I've found) . Then progress to a sandwich or something for a quick lunch while you're shopping or on your way to an activity (gives easy distracting conversation) That way they'll have the experience and the basic 'rules' will become familiar without the pressure; unfamiliar servers, lots of noise, bright lights etc.

Faultymain5 · 16/04/2019 17:03

If you are not both on the same page it doesn't make sense.

I could tell you what angels my kids were in restaurants (and they were), but seriously, it's a cross between regularly doing it, prior to 2 years old and their temperament. That's what I think anyway. When they're older (if you and DH can hold out that long), bribe them.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 16/04/2019 17:05

My children were awful in restaurants at that sort of age. And with two it's ten times worse. I get really annoyed by parents of one child saying theirs was a dream. Mine are fine on their own with the attention of two parents. Add in a sibling and it all goes to pot.

I remember hitting the point when the youngest was 4 and suddenly going huh, we just ate a meal without having to race through our food and dash out of the place red-faced and stressed out!

HollowTalk · 16/04/2019 17:05

I think that age is the worst for taking them out. Another year or two will make a huge difference. And two adults taking one six month old child is completely different to taking two 2 year olds!

JustTwoMoreSecs · 16/04/2019 17:09

When you say they are fine at home, do they stay sat the whole time, from plates being prepared to everybody being finished eating (adults included)?
The difficult thing is that at home a meal is usually shorter than at a restaurant.
We usually use a combo of colouring and sticker books, small story books that we read to them and trying to have a conversion that includes them (in opposition to DH and me trying to have an adult conversation).

BlankTimes · 16/04/2019 17:09

Agree with reallybadidea 's post "I don't actually think that you need to go to restaurants to teach kids how to behave nicely in restaurants. The behaviours that you're looking for are things like being able to sit nicely and relatively quietly, make pleasant conversation, not throw food around and not run around the table screaming."

Start at home, do the above every day, they will realise that's what all mealtimes are like, then they won't do something different in a restaurant.

You cannot expect 2 year olds to have one behaviour for meals at home and a 'best behaviour' for restaurants or other peoples' houses. It needs to be one standard behaviour for mealtimes irrespective of your location.

TinyTear · 16/04/2019 17:11

Do you know what is a problem? is it the environment? the noise? the people?

I have a 4 and a 7 year old and they have been coming with us to restaurants since babies - not fancy but carluccios, pizza express, wagamama and we do the crayons, colouring, phones and distractions, and try not spent too long there just a main and quick kids dessert

TrixieFranklin · 16/04/2019 17:13

Our twins are exactly the same except they've just turned 3 - if DH insisted then he would be taking them alone.

oblada · 16/04/2019 17:13

I'm quite a believer of children fitting around your life and having to get used to all sorts of environment (and certainly no tablet!) but even I wouldn't take 2 2yrs old out in those circumstances it seems madness, it's the worse age!! Younger can work quite well. Older is more manageable. With ours the older sibling helped each time the younger one was going through a difficult phase. I'd wait a bit really here.

(My middle child was potty trained in 1 day day and night aged 2 - but it was her choice entirely! Weird child!)

BroomstickOfLove · 16/04/2019 17:14

I couldn't take mine out for any kind of enjoyable meal between the ages of two and four. Then they regained the ability to stay in one place for more than five minutes at a time, and it was fine again.

MorrisZapp · 16/04/2019 17:14

Kids don't need to learn how to behave in restaurants. They need to not be small and annoying any more.

Nobody ate out when I was a kid, I didn't turn up to nice restaurants aged 27 and scream and throw food.

endofthelinefinally · 16/04/2019 17:16

I think you should concentrate on making life as easy as possible at the moment.
My mum used to say
" never meet trouble halfway".
Get DH to take them out for a walk to wear them out, feed them at home, put them to bed then spend the meal money on a takeaway.
I was lucky that mine loved going out to eat, but all dc are different.

Peanutbutterforever · 16/04/2019 17:16

I agree with your husband. Maybe you could take one at a time so there isn't a sibling to argue with?