To despise of my husbands cat and wish it wouldn’t come back home

[Luc187]

I HATE my husbands cat. He purchased the cat just as we got together 10 years ago, in a house he owned by himself so I didn’t have a say. I hated her from then.

Fast forward we now live in a joint house that I love to bits and I find it DISGUSTING the cat has weed twice in the last week. In the past she’s pissed in my handbag, on our spare bed, on my jeans. I come downstairs for breakfast and smell CAT. PISS. She keeps bringing beheaded mice that bloodstain our rug. It’s vile. I never signed up for this, I didn’t spend all this money on a house to be subjected to this.

We plan on having children, I cannot tolerate this disgust around a child. It’s vile, she always projectile vomits too in the utility room.

I’ve had enough, is it reasonable to want her sent to a cats home or something?

You're in for a bit of a shock the first time your child has a poonami!

Why did you agree to live together if you can't stand his cat?

Your cat is very stressed which is why she's peeing where she shouldn't. Agree you need to get a Feliway diffuser. Do you have cat flap? Is another cat coming in? If so can you change the cat flap so only your cat can get in and out.

Also is the litter tray kept clean? is it near a cat flap and only one way in/out? That may also be a flashpoint to an anxious cat. I would put another litter tray upstairs for now too (get some basic trays with no litter for any common pee spots too). If she starts using the upstairs one that tells you she's anxious about using the one downstairs.

People always say things like "why did you move in with him when you knew he had a cat?" and "I'd just never have moved in with him" which is a stupendously silly line of thinking. You would probably take that approach if you had a violent hatred of cats from the outset, but most people don't - you have to live with one to know what it's like. It's like saying "why did you even go on a second date with him if 5 years later, you're breaking up?"

u didnt have to move in with him-he got the cat in his own home u cantask him to get rid of a cat

and there arent cat homes as u put it

You can either be angry for another 5-10 years or follow the advice offered here to improve your situation. But whatever you choose, please be kind to the cat.

Yuk. I wouldn't have my home used as a giant litter tray that's for sure. I'd make the cat flap one way only for now to stop her bringing in dead animals and I'd restrict where she goes in the house until you've got to the bottom of the wee-ing. Trip to the vet to rule out anything and maybe some feliway plug ins.

It's horrible to live in a house as you describe OP and I wouldn't be able to do it. So I'd try the above steps and see if it helps.

And yep, I have a cat. I love them but I wouldn't let my house be pissed all over

You need to take the poor thing to a vet she sounds stressed. Having this resentment for 10 years isn’t normal either. Haven’t you brought it up with dh in that time? You can’t just rehome animals because a partner doesn’t like them. The cat came first so you’ll be first out if dh has any sense. The dead animals are a present it might be gross to us but the cat is basically offering an olive branch to you. Start making an effort and be kind to the cat, the behavioural issues may well stop then you can civilly live with each other. If you’re not willing to improve things then you’ll have another 10 years of this.

Oh OP I feel for you. I have a cat and I fucking hate it. I hope some of the advice on here works to solve some of your problems.

I love cats but hate the smell of cat piss, it has to be one of the worst smells and the hardest to get rid of. I can see why your not happy. The other stuff (bringing home headless rodents) is pretty normal cat behaviour, my cat brings me home presents and occasionally pukes them up on the floor, this doesn’t bother me too much, the pissing on things would bother me.

I think the cat needs to be seen by a vet, it maybe stressed which is why it’s peeing everywhere or it might be ill, it might be something that can be sorted.

Eek, poor cat, as a cat lover this irritates me, maybe you should move out

Any right minded person would have taken the cat to the vets, or spoken to your DH you obviously don’t have caring bone in you to do the right thing. The cat is suffering from your attitude towards her. She must be really scared of you when you are shouting at her poor thing. Yet you want kids poor kids having a mother like you.

To a point I agree... animals ARE disgusting. I have germphobia but I love animals. Our human bodies are disgusting as well, if you think it that way, we just learnt to hide all the 'messy' bits. Animals can't.
I just don't understand how you and your husband can be together. I could never be with someone who doesn't like or even hates animals like you.

Cats can be very sensitive and if they're stressed, wee in unexpected places. The cat could be picking up your dislike for her.

As others have said, you continued a relationship with your DH knowing full well he had a cat, so I think it's something you have to live with. It wold be much better if you could try and get something out of the your relationship with the cat, even if it's just the feel of a lovely soft cat under your fingertips occasionally.

We had two cats when DD was born. Other than vaccinations, she rarely needed to see our GP, on average every three years (on one occasion it was five years), so they didn't do her any harm.

She didn't have much time off school either. Also, children can learn a lot from animals, how to treat them and the fact that they can be great fun to have around.

It’s a cat not a baby, of course it can be got rid of it’s making your life a misery. Ignore the strange MN crowd who would apparently divorce their husbands/send their kids to orphanages and bankrupt themselves to keep a pet!! It’s nit real life at all.
However it’s not yours so you need to talk to your bf and go to a vet because the urinating all over the house is not normal if it was trained properly. Either you & he need to try to train it properly (get advice from vet and google!) and that takes time and consistency or it’s unwell? If it’s neither then have it put down. I guess you could try an animal shelter or cats protection league but presumably rehoming is out if it urinates everywhere and can’t be trained. Animal urine all over the house is disgusting and I certainly would not be tolerating it.

Just remember the cat won't live forever. I would limit where it can go inside, keep the spare room door closed.
If the cat is still around when you have children keep the cat outside during the day, let it sleep in the utility room at night and just have the cat in the lounge with you in the evening where it can be supervised.

With you OP.
I have a massive hatred of cats. They stay away from me thankfully but I've had to throw water over neighbour's cats to stop them coming into my garden and shitting everywhere and digging up my plants. They are vile things. I definitely couldn't live with one. Dogs are welcome .

In the past she’s pissed in my handbag

I feel sorry for the CAT tbh.

Hey OP. I think other posters are being pretty mean to you on this thread. I love animals, but I'm really not a 'cat' person - I couldn't live with one for the reasons you mention. Even the pets I have owned and loved (namely house rabbits) I can appreciate would be some people's idea of a nightmare.

I think it's worth your husband taking his cat to the vet to be checked out if she's peeing in random places and being sick - it's not unheard of for healthy cats to do this but best to be on the safe side. And I echo what others have said about getting her a collar with a bell on it.

I can totally understand you not being happy with the cat, but you knew she was part of the deal from the start. Your options are pretty much:

a) put up with her (including treating her kindly and not making your distaste obvious to your OH)
b) live separately from your husband while maintaining your relationship
c) End your marriage

She could live another 10 years, and who's to say your OH won't want another cat when she passes? You need to know if it's a deal-breaker before you commit to having children.

Also you need to make sure your husband doesn't get another when this cat dies.

It's your husbands cat so he needs to be the one cleaning up after it and trying to prevent it weeing in the house and bringing in dead things.
Why are you cleaning it up?

Thank you so much for helpful comments I really appreciate it. It’s not drastic enough to end the relationship! Also, it only bothers me when she urinates, because as we all know the smell lingers and is hard to remove unlike human wee. Any other time I ignore her.

I am totally confused at the comparisons between children and animals I find it strange. So in other words if you don’t like animals somehow that means you won’t don’t children automatically?! Ridiculous statement

My cat projectile vomits massive long fur balls, he shits outside the litter tray, eats my bread and has been known to piss on my bed and the kids bed too. He also covers my blinds in fur and whilst it pisses me off to the point I could happily make a rather large blanket out of him, this is his forever home and id never consider rehoming him. Presumably your dh gets a say in whether his cat should be rehomed?