To despise of my husbands cat and wish it wouldn’t come back home

[Luc187]

I HATE my husbands cat. He purchased the cat just as we got together 10 years ago, in a house he owned by himself so I didn’t have a say. I hated her from then.

Fast forward we now live in a joint house that I love to bits and I find it DISGUSTING the cat has weed twice in the last week. In the past she’s pissed in my handbag, on our spare bed, on my jeans. I come downstairs for breakfast and smell CAT. PISS. She keeps bringing beheaded mice that bloodstain our rug. It’s vile. I never signed up for this, I didn’t spend all this money on a house to be subjected to this.

We plan on having children, I cannot tolerate this disgust around a child. It’s vile, she always projectile vomits too in the utility room.

I’ve had enough, is it reasonable to want her sent to a cats home or something?

I understand that you can't help the way you feel about the cat, but I do wonder how many of it's behaviour is down to the fact that it's living with a person who hates it. Particularly urinating on your clothes.

So do I. And part of that “looking after” is deciding when the right choice is PTS. No cat is happy if it can’t keep itself clean

I agree Bertrand - the "medical reason" I meant was if I or a family member living in the same house was severely allergic, or developed a phobia (as opposed to a dislike). I didn't make myself clear - sorry for that.

Euthanasia when life has become a burden is a gift that we can give our pets. It is we who suffer the guilt and emotional pain. The animal is released from unnecessary suffering.

I'm not one of these who believes that life has to be dragged out at any cost - but I can see how you mistook my meaning. It was my clumsy expression.

For clarity:

1. You choose to have a pet so it's your responsibility to feed, house and ensure its good health and happiness.

2. If, for whatever reason you are unable to do so, it is your responsibility to ensure that it goes to a home where (as far as possible) the new owners will give it what you can't.

3. Animals are not commodities - they are not unfeeling automatons that you can pick up and put down on a whim. They are sentient, thinking, feeling beings with a right to life and happiness. They experience the same emotions that we do - the only difference is that they have no guile. If they don't like you they will let you know. If they love you nothing will shake their devotion.

If you don't like animals, then don't bring one into your life just so you can spend the next umpteen years hating it. They deserve more than that.

One day I found out he'd been abusing it by spraying disinfectant in its face.

What a nasty piece of work! You are well off out of that relationship, Roses

Totally agree OP. My MIL has cats and I can't stand them

I think I would piss in your handbag too!
And I would definitely spew in your utility room!
The cats 10 years old, probably got a bladder problem due to old age (or something) instead of slating the poor thing on here why don't you take the cat to the vet to rule out any underlying problems??

I'm with other posters - if you can't cope with the responsibility of a cat you won't cope with a child.

I think the cat would be better off without you in its life. Cats pick up on people hating them, and they react accordingly. Two of mine were skittish and unsociable before I adopted them, and currently they're both laid on my lap purring.

You need to move out and leave the poor cat in peace.

Your poor husband and his poor cat. Please ask him to read this thread so we can recommend a good solicitor for your forthcoming divorce proceedings. I wouldn't want to stay married to someone with an attitude as nasty as yours.

Good point there Red
I work for a HUGE Maine Coon who will conquer and destroy most furry things that dare to be on his patch.
Over the years we have encountered decapitated mice, rats and pigeons, also frogs and toads. Never had a big rabbit tho.
We have other pets in the house which he tolerates with a regal calmness (hamsters and reptiles) it’s like he knows they live here .
But a wild rabbit?
No.

Ps #teamcat

Poor grammar
Poor, poor cat
Don't ever have kids!

Euthanasia when life has become a burden is a gift that we can give our pets. It is we who suffer the guilt and emotional pain. The animal is released from unnecessary suffering So true. I wish I could have done this for my DDad

Some of the comments on here are really distressing and horrible. PPs who are casually suggesting an animal is just 'given away', like cats aren't sentient beings .

I get those PPS who say they didn't like animals either but have made ok parents. But I WOULD generally consider it a pretty good indicator. If you can't tolerate/protect/care for a pet without resentment, how the hell are you going to cope when it's this x 1,000,000 and when you're exhausted and they've pushed all your buttons?

#teamcat

In my experience, having always had pet cats, it is highly unusual for a cat to wee in random places. They are very easily toilet trained and I suspect she is stressed and should be checked by a vet.

would get rid of anyone who hated my cats. There is something very strange about a person who feels comfortable calling an animal named like vile and disgusting.

Agreed. I’d chose my cat in a heartbeat.
Mycat occassionaly has an accident ( does has medical problems, not stressed )
I dont moan or begrudge it, i simply clean it up.
He’s old. I took him on knowing he would get old and may suffer problems later in life.

She's marking territory peeing because she's stressed. Get some feliway. Blot with a towel, then Cold water & washing up liquid on stains followed by sprinkle of bicarb when dried, then vacumn. She was his before you were there so you should accept that. If you're that anti cats I'd be wondering if we had same values generally. And dead animals are par for the course but easily cleared up. Rabbits are unusual tho, Ive seen foxes behead wild rabbits. IME of rural life cats usually bring in alive or bit mangled, not beheaded, birds, frogs & mice. Never had anything beheaded or a rabbit bought back, in 30years of having cats. Was it roadkill maybe?

YABU. And some of the comments on here are simply vile.
In the 20 years I’ve had cats, I’ve never had to clean up pee or crap. There have been some good nuggets of advice on here, from what you’ve said, the cat is reacting to you and is stressed.
But really, it’s been 10 years and now you want to get rid?! Poor cat. I really hope it shits in your most expensive handbag tonight.

The cat knows you hate it, it is doing protest wee's on your things.

I find it sad tbh.
I’m looking at my big ball of fluff snoozing, legs in the air and confident in the knowledge he is loved.
I appreciate not everyone is an animal lover but that’s very different from being an animal hater.
If you are responsible for a pet then you have a duty of care.
I’m wondering why op’s dp hasn’t stepped in to take his cat to the vet and sort out the obvious issues.
This poor cat is at the very least stressed, possibly has an illness.
It’s appalling.

His home, his cat, and yes he does need to get rid of a vile creature, it’s not the cat though

IME of rural life cats usually bring in alive or bit mangled, not beheaded

My two neutered tom cats often bring back rabbits - and they eat them, starting with the head. It is pretty unpleasant, but as you say it's part of nature's circle. The animals we eat suffer a lot more in the process of their slaughter than anything killed by cats - and often suffer horribly in the course of their short lives, too.

If OP isn't a vegetarian, she has no right to complain about cats following their natural instincts.

Mitzi

My cats used to bring back rabbits when they were younger. It’s an absolute pain in the arse. It can mean ruined carpet, foul smells if they hide bits, and putting you mr bare foot into half a rabbit carcass is seriously disgusting. Of course the OP has the right to complain about it! I complained about it and my cats are cats I chose to have.

Op, you need to sit down with your do and have a serious conversation about his cat. She needs to go to the vet urgently. After that, you need to talk about him taking charge of clearing up all the mess. Agree that you will feed her if you’re first in or first up,but apart from that, she is his responsibility. Talk about ways you can restrict where she can go in the house, particularly when he’s not there. You need to find a way of living together. It is absolutely fine not to like cats. Lots of people don’t. But they need to be looked after properly- and it sounds as if this one isn’t. Your dp needs to do his job.

Regardless of what happens to this cat (and it’s clearly not well, healthy cats don’t pee inside the house), your OH is clearly an animal lover and will eventually want another cat. I wouldn’t want to agree to a life without pets (I have 4 cats right now), and my DH has accepted that if he wants to live with me, he has to be prepared to share with at least one cat.

He never had pets before he met me. I wouldn’t say he’s become a cat lover himself, but he’s happy enough to tolerate our cats.

This is a decision the two of you will need to make. If you want a household without pets long-term, that’s your prerogative, but you might find that it’s a sacrifice your animal-loving partner won’t be prepared to make.

Asking someone to get rid of a much loved pet is wrong and I would lose a lot of respect and love for a man who treats his pets as disposable, but once this cat is gone the OP is not unreasonable to expect him not to get another. She will have had years of living with a pet she didn't want. I would expect my partner to choose me over getting a brand new animal. If he wants a new cat more than he wants her, she has bigger problems than just his current cat.

I will take issue, though, those saying that if because the OP isn’t happy about having to cope with cat mess it means that she won’t cope with a child’s mess. That doesn’t follow at all. Because she will have chosen to have a child. I wouldn’t want to clear up dog poo, but that’s because I wouldn’t want to have a dog.

Clearing up faeces of any kind will never be an activity any of us actually enjoy doing. But if it’s a choice we’ve willingly made then it really doesn’t feel nearly bad as when that choice has been thrust upon you. (I had to clear our garden lawn of dog poo as a teenager, after a dog which I wasn’t all that attached to.)