To despise of my husbands cat and wish it wouldn’t come back home

[Luc187]

I HATE my husbands cat. He purchased the cat just as we got together 10 years ago, in a house he owned by himself so I didn’t have a say. I hated her from then.

Fast forward we now live in a joint house that I love to bits and I find it DISGUSTING the cat has weed twice in the last week. In the past she’s pissed in my handbag, on our spare bed, on my jeans. I come downstairs for breakfast and smell CAT. PISS. She keeps bringing beheaded mice that bloodstain our rug. It’s vile. I never signed up for this, I didn’t spend all this money on a house to be subjected to this.

We plan on having children, I cannot tolerate this disgust around a child. It’s vile, she always projectile vomits too in the utility room.

I’ve had enough, is it reasonable to want her sent to a cats home or something?

I am on Team Cat.

And by the way,you should be grateful for the rabbits. That cat is a good provider.

Also as much as you detest her, those kills she's bringing home are presents, signs of her affection and devotion. If you hate them so much don't have a cat flap. Our cat only goes out when we are home , I worked away a lot and DH works long hours so I'm not comfortable not knowing how long he's been out for, he knocks on the kitchen door (or window) with his paws, if he's carrying something I don't let him in until he drops it. Oh and I bought our cat before we lived together and DH loves him and the cat prefers DH to me, it genuinely would make me feel differently if he had your attitude towards my pet.

But presumably your DH doesn’t feel like that & that’s the point? I am assuming he does all the cleaning up mind.

However, I do have some sympathy. I am a dog person through & through. In the last months of his life my old dog had increasingly less control of bowels & then bladder. I adored my little dog and when the time came that he left us, I was devastated. But objectively, I can see that the house & life is simpler and in that one respect pleasanter when I am not cleaning up after h on a daily basis, sometimes several times a day.

So I would say, why is the cat urinating everywhere? Unless it’s old or ill, that shouldn’t be happening. Vet visit?

Hunting is, I understand, an occupational hazard of outdoor cats.

if you were subjected to living with a pet rat or snake or spider

Oh come on, it's a domestic cat, hardly the same thing.

And you're not subjected to it, you accepted it as part of living with your DP. Honestly if he were to give up his cat after 10 years due to pressure from you, that would show him to be a horrible person. The poor cat wouldn't have much chance of rehoming at that age. Her owner has a responsibility to her and you need a reality check.

Well I wouldn’t live with an animal I didn’t like. If my partner had bought a snake at the beginning of our relationship I simply wouldn’t have moved in with him. Because I won’t live with a snake. But you moved into a place with a man and a cat, apparently without considering that you would be living with a cat. I don’t get it. What did you think would happen?

And yes, cat piss smells vile and if the cat is peeing outside the box there’s a problem and your husband should address it. Maybe a trip to the vet?

YABU because you knew about the cat. It wasn’t a surprise or a new addition. You should have discussed your feelings about cats with your DP long before you bought a house together. But you didn’t - you committed to living with him knowing that included living with the cat. Far too late to do anything about it now - you need to find a way to get over your problems with the cat. Some of the issues you may be able to stop, for example stop leaving your handbag/ jeans lying in the floor and hang them up where she can’t wee on them and put a litter box inside for the cat to use.

The cat’s behaviour is not normal. They are usually very fastidiously clean, and only pee outside or in litter trays. Projectile vomit and inappropriate urination are signs of illness. The cat needs to see a vet.
It will also be very stressed by your obvious hostility in the place it regards as home.
If you a) got it some medical help and
b) offered it a little kindness, playing games and grooming it,
you might find it became an affectionate pet and pleasant to have around.
On a point of grammar, one does not “despise of”, one merely despises.

It’s been 10 years so yes you did sign up for this! Sounds like most of the issues you’ve mentioned can be addressed though which is obviously a good thing, your DH needs to put the effort in to take the cat to a vets to check there’s no health issues and then work on the behaviour problems. What’s his response to your feelings about the cat? Does the cat have a bell on the collar?

So dealing with this is a very difficult thing for me, for example if you were subjected to living with a pet rat or snake or spider or some other kind of animal that you felt uncomfortable around how would you feel.

If I felt that strongly about it I wouldn't move in with someone who owned one, but you did. Seriously OP, you're on a hiding to nothing. You chose to live in the same house as a cat, and if you decide to issue an ultimatum I'd be very surprised if it was the cat who ended up looking for a new home.

Practical tip: cats are pretty intelligent, this one will know you hate her, and the behaviour she is displaying is either due to the stress of living with such a hostile person, or it's intentional to piss you off. Try being a bit more pleasant and you might find things improve.

If you a) got it some medical help and
b) offered it a little kindness, playing games and grooming it,
you might find it became an affectionate pet and pleasant to have around.

This x 100

Poor cat, projectile vomit isn't normal, it should see a vet. It sounds stressed but I think you need to calm down a bit, talk to your dh about your extreme feelings, it's not fair on a defenseless animal to live in such a hostile home.

Your DH needs to take the cat to the vet. It sounds unwell.

Get a collar with a bell.

Clean the litter tray more often.

Poor cat, projectile vomit isn't normal, it should see a vet

Given the hyperbole in the rest of the OP's posts I have a feeling this might just be coughing up furballs. I have a longhaired cat who can spit them an astonishing distance.

YANBU cats are vile, in fact I hate pretty much all animals. Can’t see the point of them, messy, smelly, money pits of doom. Getting fur on my stuff, pissing and shitting everywhere 😷 some people are just not let people perfectly normal.

What is your dp doing to help? I am a cat person but I can totally see why the OP is pissed off. It's not her cat - she didn't choose it and then got fed up and changed her mind, but it's her house getting trashed and her life being negatively affected by it.
I wouldn't want potentially 20 years of clearing up after an animal I didn't want.

So I think cleaning the rug and disposal of dead animals should be the dp's job. The cat also needs to go to the vet to get checked out and for you to get some advice on how to correct it's behaviour.

Power to the pussy!

😂

Try feliway it's supposed to help stressed cats

Or try addressing the problem at source and not hating on the cat

It doesn’t augur well if you and DP can’t agree about a pussy

😂

Get a priest in to exorcise the cat

😂

I am still upset about the situation and think some people need to come off their high horses and accept that some people just don’t like animals and yes perhaps I’m one of them.

You have literally had Ten years to get used to the fact that DH comes with a cat, and either accept or bail. The cat might live for another ten and I tell you what, it's quite possible that the peeing and puking will get worse as they get older.

I'm afraid YABU if you think there is any even vaguely acceptable alternative to either you leaving or you accepting the cat.

So I would imagine you wouldn't live with an animal lover Bbang. Easy.

Sorry OP but you chose to live with your DH KNOWING he had a cat. You weren’t subjected to it. You chose it, knowing you didn’t like her.

Personally I wouldn’t be fussed about any pet tbh. Rats are actually very clean animals and mice are highly entertaining to watch. But that’s me. And I’m not freaked by 8 legs either or snakes.

As already advised, the vomiting isn’t normal, the same with the toileting problems. Cats are very clean animals and if the latter occurs then there is usually a problem. Get your partner to take the poor thing to the vets.

There a some pets I'm not wild about - snakes, cats, hamsters - but you can't choose to live with someone who has a pet you aren't keen on and then complain.

If someone didn't like my dogs I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with them.

YANBU to hate the cat, but equally, the cat is not being reasonable to behave in a cat like manner.

The cat and your husband are a package deal, however, so you will have to accept one if you want the other.

Cheer up - the cat is past middle age and it’s hunting skills will deteriorate in time. It might piss more though. They rarely live past 20, so you are likely beyond the half way point.

in fact I hate pretty much all animals. Can’t see the point of them, messy, smelly, money pits of doom. Getting fur on my stuff, pissing and shitting everywhere

So you hate children too? Since all of the above could be almost identically applied to children.

In fact I hate pretty much all children. Can’t see the point of them, messy, smelly, money pits of doom. Getting sticky substances on my stuff, pissing and shitting everywhere

Wow... I see people have had a chance to sharpen their claws this morning.

Op, you're not a cat person and that's fine. But your dh bought the cat before you. You accepted your dh for better or worse. The cat is your worse.

The cat is pissing everywhere cos she knows you despise her. Try a little stroke here and there. Buy her some treats. Who knows, she might respond better towards you if you make an effort with her.

Definitely try the plug in. It does make a difference. But definitely do try and make an effort with the cat. You both have to live together for the sake of dh.

Probably not what you were hoping to get back. Good luck xx

You knew he had a cat.The cat could easily live another 10 years. So you need to get over it! It sounds from what you are saying that the poor thing is stressed. A vet appointment would help.