Do you ever wish you married for money?

[augustales]

Or do you ever wish when picking a partner you considered money?

No. But I did marry someone with a similar attitude to money, which has helped a lot. Neither of us earn much, but there is enough to be alright.

I did marry someone with a similar attitude to money, which has helped a lot. Neither of us earn much, but there is enough to be alright.

This is the key, I think. Money is such an easy thing to argue over, having someone on the same page is invaluable.

The rights and wrongs of that are perhaps better explored with a therapist but there we go.

The wrongs of sexism are better called out publicly when it is expressed publicly, bullshit rationalisation or not.

Privately held prejudice can be discussed with a therapist all day for all anyone else cares.

It depends on the millionaire

1. not your type but they are kind & treat you well then you may fall for them.

2. not your type & treat you like crap, no.

Never. But then, I have never been in grinding, soul-destroying poverty either. If I had, I expect I would see it differently.

When I met DH at 18 I was living in a hostel on a YTS earning £40 a week. He had a good job, didn't earn loads but like £25000 a year which was a lot then and had his own house. I moved in with him after two weeks as he couldn't stand what went on in the hostel I am now 59 and he's 46 and he has worked his way to become managing director in a good wage. We've been married 18 years and have two adopted children. We are still really in love. I didn't marry him for money but when I was 18 and in the bones of my arse the security he offered me certainly played a part in it. I don't regret it for a second though.

I'm 40 not 59!!

No

I wouldnt marry for money but often wish we had some! The pp who said they both put money into pensions/savings/investments.... we dont have any of those. Life would feel so much more stable if we did. I think Id done well academically and always naiively imagined we'd both be earning well by now.

Tbh I was surprised to find that a lot of women marry for money in this day and age. Or marry someone they wouldn’t look at twice otherwise because they have a good job. I suppose a lot of women can’t make their own money but still want a good lifestyle. I think it’s a bit sad and sexist to be looking for a “provider” but I do get that women don’t want someone they have to financially carry.

What about men though? Why are so men willing to carry someone financially?

I think part of the issue for me is that I like to have my independence and make my own choices. Ultimately if you earn the money, you get to decide how it’s spent. And that’s the position I want to be in, in control of my own destiny.

I wish I had settled down with someone who earned an okay, consistent wage who could provide some stability. I am glad I have made my own career and earn quite well but after 15 years of supporting someone who is a dreamer and constant student who only works here and there, I am fed up. I wanted him to find his niche but I am starting to think his niche is living off me :(

No. Brought children up in poverty, love and happiness. Still happy now they’ve left home.

No

I married my first husband and made a huge mistake. He was very wealthy and I was in a bad place. It became a gilded cage and we divorced.

Very happy with dh2. We’ve got nothing spare but have lovely children and we’re warm and fed.

Sometimes sure, but I'm happy with my choice. I'm not particularly bothered about the luxuries in life though. Sometimes the idea of not having to budget seems very appealing though. I more wish I'd pushes my DH and myself further while we were at college still. But hindsight and all...

I never thought I'd say this but yes.
I married the love of my life, we had an incredible relationship and were very happy together. He wasn't very ambitious, he had a job he loved and any kind of promotion would have taken him away from what he loved and meant he'd be in an office dealing with paperwork and staff so he felt that an increase in salary wasn't enough to compensate for such a change to his work/life balance. I respected this as he was the one who'd have to work doing something he didn't enjoy. We were okay financislly- no new cars or exotic holidays but the children were fed and clothed, we could afford a trip to the cinema, a meal out or a long weekend away every now and then but more importantly we were happy. Then he died at a young age and I was left with no money and a family to bring up by myself. I am fed up of feeling stomach churningly sick about finances all the time. I have had enough of having all the responsibility on my shoulders all the time and feeling guilty that I am letting down my children. I wanted to train as a teacher but thats out of the window as I cant afford to do it so Im stuck in a low paid job. After 7 long years of being by myself I can see the advantages of marrying for money. I'm not talking a gilded cage scenario but I will never meet anyone as much as I loved my husband and marrying for love has got me nowhere, memories don't pay the bills so I think , as long as we had a good,respectful relationship then I would marry for money.
But a part of me hates myself for thinking this.

I never would have had children with a man unless he was making a great wage minimum. I didnt marry for money, but it was a consideration and one of my deal breakers when dating. If we split up I would not get together with anyone earning much less than me and while love, kindness and intelligence are all more important, money is too.

I grew up poor and won’t live poor now.

I wouldn't marry for inherited wealth, as I'd assume they worklessness have to work, so would be hanging around all day. I do wish I'd married someone who was incredibly wealthy but had to work very long hours, preferably abroad. Who cares if you married for love in those circumstances? You'd never see each other! I'm quite happy in my own company though and do like alone time, which I get little of with my husband who likes to stay in and has a job where he's home every evening and much of the holidays

They would not have to work

We do alright financially but I do sometimes wish we had the money to stretch a bit further to buy a dream house, or near enough dammit.
It’s more important that DHs are good husbands/fathers though.

I didn't, but somehow ended up married to someone with money. When I met my partner he was not super poor, but had a low-paid job, followed by other low-paid (just above minimum wage) jobs. We got married and soon after he inherited £300k. Might not be the kind of 'old money' the OP is thinking of, but it enabled us to buy a house, and live comfortably without having to worry about money.

Sigh. Yes.

I turned down a very wealthy suitor who was besotted with me and absolutely lovely. I just wasn't that into him.
We were together about a year a couple of years ago. He would have done anything for me and I'd never have wanted for anything.

I'm a single mum of 3 in a rented house and every now and again, when my car is running on fumes or I can't afford the latest school trip I do regret it a bit.

These posts and views are everything that is wrong with this world. Of course not!

I work hard and I am rich in my own right. That is what women should aspire to not marrying rich. Advise your girls to work hard, to aspire to things for themselves. Then they can have loving and healthy relationships.

Hear Hear!! I'm shocked all these posts saying yes, bloody hell it's like I've stepped back into the 1950's reading some of this stuff. Gross.

I work hard and have money in my own right. That’s the problem!

I have had several relationships where the man has not wanted to work and I provided the security and money. I also did very badly out of divorce.

I know lots of women in my profession who have a similar set up with their partners as our job is relatively secure.

I would have loved a 9-5 partner with a steady job on decent money but have never had one.

Single now thank god with only myself to rely on.

It's pretty disgusting that some people are calling who want a rich man 'prostitutes.' What a vile thing to say!

It's pretty disgusting that some people are calling women who want a rich man 'prostitutes.' What a vile thing to say!

@tenbob

The thing is, there are probably only a handful of women who can really have the open choice of 'marrying for money'.

They are almost always incredibly beautiful and/or have beguiling personalities, and probably also work in a niche job that puts them in regular contact with men with lots of money.

The idea that most of MN posters had a 2-horse choice between John the plumber or Hugo the old-money aristo millionaire when it came to picking a husband is just fanciful. Most people won't even meet Hugo the millionaire in a social situation, let alone be in his radar as girlfriend material.

And when someone does marry for money, it probably comes with strings. Stay this size and weight, don't complain about me working late all the time, don't snoop too much when you suspect I'm not just working too late, turn a blind eye to me piling on the weight when I insist you should be back in your pre-pregnancy jeans.

You don't just get your lovely husband plus a million quid in the bank!

This ^ in spades. Some people think real life is like the movies; it really isn't, and the vast majority of women will be marrying a man who is a very average earner, with very few assets, and no family money or massive inheritance coming to him.

I know a woman who gave up her career, and swanned off into the sunset with a rich American businessman some 10 years back (to live in the USA with him.) After only 12 months, she came back saying it was the biggest mistake of her life. He was rarely there, and when he was, he ignored her most of the time, his friends were rude, and his family didn't like her. She had no job, and wasn't able to get one (something to do with problems with her visa, not sure what,) and she just sat in his big house all day, every day, with no car and nowhere to go, except walks around the area.

Be careful what you wish for!

@EleanorOalike

I’m the daughter of an emotionally unavailable millionaire. He was poor but hardworking when my parents met and married but became rich. My mum stayed with him for financial security.

It all royally fucked me up so no, I wouldn’t recommend marrying for money.

That is sad to hear, and I have known a few people like this, who have had parents who are wealthy, but have zero connection with them, and who are emotionally wrecked and wounded because of it. I also know women who have stayed with men, just for the money.

I’d recommend marrying a good hearted, kind and decent man with a strong work ethic who can make you laugh.

This. ^ 100% agree. As I said earlier in the thread, I would not purposely go for a man just for money, but I would not be interested in a man who was lazy, flaky, and unmotivated, and who hopped from one job to another, leaving his family in the financial mire (and often not giving a damn about it.)

So yes, a man would have to have a strong work ethic, and be kind, with a good sense of humour.