Do you ever wish you married for money?

[augustales]

Or do you ever wish when picking a partner you considered money?

[G5000]

No, I prefer to make my own money. I know I can afford to have the same lifestyle even if something happened to DH or he decided to change me for a younger model (even if that's unlikely to happen).

And sure you will say that unless I'm independently wealthy and living on investments, I still depend on my employer. But in my career, my value on the job marker will go up when I'm more experienced. As a middle aged woman on dating market, looking for a rich husband..not so much.

[AryaStarkWolf]

A lot of the underlying tone from people who have ‘not married for money’ is a smugness that wealthy families must be built on just the money. The reality is that many people have love, happiness and money.

That wasn't the question though. "Would you marry for money?" Implies that's your main reason for marrying the person. The questions isn't "Would you marry for money, love and happiness?" that's not really a dilemma or an AIBU kind of a question, is it?

[Lolly25]

No, never, love my husband so much. We scrimped and saved when my boys were young, we were 19 when we married. My husband worked hard , got a doctorate during them being babies and got well known in the field he is in.
But we are fortunate enough now not to have any money worries at all and have a really good life. So we've been both sides of the coin and appreciation on both sides.

[Rosesaredead]

Never! Sometimes we have to work hard to make ends meet but it's so worth it to be together. Ugh that sounds cringey but it's true.

[babyno5]

@havingtochangeusernameagain you sound very much like me - jobwise. I seem to have a self destruct button after a period of time. I earn just less than double my DP's salary. I'm currently not working through ill health and the finances have taken a real hit. Would be nice not to have that pressure x

[babyno5]

I've discovered a new guilty pleasure-The real housewives of Cheshire.
Hell yeah I wish I'd married for money 😂😂

[Munsnet656]

That did make me laugh...at least you're being honest

[User59720gpwn82210]

More money would be nice but.......

Marrying for money gives that inequality that is more likely to lead to a difference in power between the couple. The risk of financial abuse is probably greater.

Happiness is often achieved through striving to achieve things and marrying into money could take this away.

I wouldn't do it.

[contentedsoul]

WOW!!

Just disbelief at some of the replies here.
The media constantly tells men to change their old views of women and treat them as equals and rightly so and not merely as arm candy for bed time fun. Yet reading the replies it seems women are quite happy to be 'bought'.
The whole thing leaves me feeling uneasy. Is this the general view of British women in 2019?

I think morals have certainly slipped in this country.

[NewAccount270219]

whereas I have the luxury of choosing exactly how I want to raise my children

By which you presumably mean 'whether or not you work'. So many women on this thread seem to consider it their right to either work or not, but would never consider letting their DH's make the same choice.

[Planetian]

I sort of married for money, I did fancy the pants off him too but the money was definitely a major factor. I grew up poor and while I was always driven to make my own money, I knew I’d end up with someone wealthy/ambitious as I just wouldn’t settle down with someone who didn’t have earning potential. I think it was a wise move for the most part. I see friends/family that didn’t take money into consideration and it’s caused stress, arguments and resentments when children have come along. whereas I have the luxury of choosing exactly how I want to raise my children

[Wanderingmind19]

Happyspud not at all from here . I dont know if I read it wrong but i assumed op was saying love or lots of money not both and i know people who have genuinely just married for money and arent happy. Im extremely happy for those who have both :)

I myself knew he had a decent job but genuinely fell in love because of how kind and thoughtful he was not to mention good looking lmao . Were not rolling in money or what I would class as wealthy however that is subjective I guess not everyones version of wealth is the same

[HelloSunnyDays]

First part of that was meant to be in bold!!

[HelloSunnyDays]

Now I wish I’d spent more time considering my earning power as every decision has basically favoured his career and hampered mine, leaving me in a vulnerable position. It wasn’t particularly intentional and I was fine with it at first because it seemed to make sense. And then as the focus on his career compounded the difference it made more and more “sense”.

I think this is the real problem with marrying someone who earns a lot more than you if you are ambitious yourself and want to continue with your career (although I appreciate not everyone does).

[havingtochangeusernameagain]

Yes I do as I have nearly always earned more than DH and I have been envious of the women who've been able to let their husbands earn the money. I would always want to work but it would have been nice not to have to be the main breadwinner.

My problem has been that although I have earned well I have struggled to hold down a job for very long (the longest is about 5 years). Somehow I always end up messing up and have either been pushed out or jumped before I was pushed.

Had my husband say earned twice what he does, the pressure on me would have been less. He has been in the same role for over 20 years - he can hold a job down! So on the plus side he has always had a regular income, on the downside, it's not been very high. Also we are both fairly careful with money so we've not had arguments about it.

Now I am freelancing because we don't have a mortgage. I feel guilty because I am not earning much. But I feel a lot less pressure.

[Happyspud]

A lot of the underlying tone from people who have ‘not married for money’ is a smugness that wealthy families must be built on just the money. The reality is that many people have love, happiness and money.

[Middersweekly]

No- I would personally feel completely uncomfortable with that level of wealth and/or lifestyle. Also the thought of having to DTD with someone I didn’t find physically attractive makes my skin crawl!
I met DH as a teenager when we were both college students so there is no way either of us could have guessed the others earning capacity. We have had our ups and downs over many years together but I wouldn’t change marrying him. We are doing ok financially!

[Wanderingmind19]

No Ive seen it with close family having money really doesnt buy happiness. It can help sure. I think thats all me and my dh disagree on is money as I like to spend and he doesnt but I love him deary and although I wish m, before I met him I hadnt wasted so much money and maybe not bought some of the things I have done that were a waste. I wouldnt change where I am for the world . Its hard sometimes but I have someone whom I know even when im old Ill be happy in his company and we have a beautiful child to boot :)

[Whatnotea]

No, I make my own money and am not reliant on anyone.

[Buzzer3555]

My grandmother always said "marry for love by all means....but make sure the one you love has money"

[OrangeSunsets]

When I was 22 I had a very good male friend who was gay. His mum had a bank balance of £5m as she had been awarded compensation for an accident that happened to her. She had been told she would only have around a year to live.

My friend was convinced he should get married before his mum died so she would die thinking he was happily married and settled. He proposed to me and said I could have half of the money once he inherited it if I just stayed married to him until his mum had passed.

Did I do it? Of course not! Instead I convinced him to come out to his mum and helped him tell her. She was thrilled he had finally come out. He had been worrying about nothing.

[Tomorrowillbeachicken]

No, I married for love and still married 14 years later.

[KneelJustKneel]

I think lots of people only date wealthy professions or those likely to be. Its not about marrying someone you don't love, but only falling in love with or seriously considering those likely to make money.

They can say they werent in it for thw money, genuinely be in love, but wouldnt have considered someone on a lower income/non city profession etc.

[AestheticPerfection]

I missed several boats like this.
I say missed, but I chose to disembark before they sailed to rich happy ever after.
I knew the happy ever after just weren't mine.
I am unable to be that shallow. I have tried, particularly since the kids coming into the mix.
I have to be such someone for love and the whole shebang.

[Itsnotme123]

My ex’s family thought I was a gold digger, then I met a poor man and was / am head over heels in love. Having had both experiences, I know I would want love, be treated like a queen, be able to get by than be controlled by a selfish wealthy knob.