Do you ever wish you married for money?

[augustales]

Or do you ever wish when picking a partner you considered money?

No

Because im not a whore

At the moment we are in absolute dire straights. But, DH isn’t really interested in me as a person or what I do and never really has been.

I’d rather stay skint and just have someone who truly understands me, than win the lottery tomorrow.

I think being wealthy in a loveless marriage would be an incredibly miserable existence.

despite having a good degree, career and salary I am miserable as sin married to a cocklodger. I also love my daughters immensely and categorically do not want them to find themselves in a similar predicament.

Well, 'Don't marry a financially abusive cocklodger who makes you miserable' is an entirely different piece of parental advice to 'Marry for money, girls!'

I don't think I insinuated that I plan to advise them to 'marry for money.'
I stated that I plan to advise them to 'marry well' which I do, in all aspects.

Also I don't plan on calling their father out as a 'financially abusive cocklodger' within their earshot, but thanks for the advice Giant Pretzel as despite appearances I'm certain you meant that kindly

These posts and views are everything that is wrong with this world. Of course not!

I work hard and I am rich in my own right. That is what women should aspire to not marrying rich. Advise your girls to work hard, to aspire to things for themselves. Then they can have loving and healthy relationships.

I don’t wish I married for money, but I wish when I was single and dating men I paid more attention to who was and wasn’t a “high achiever”. I went by who I fancied and made me laugh.

Luckily my DH earns a decent salary but not enough to support me and our future children on his own, I will always need to work and I have to be honest, I do wish this wasn’t the case. His brother is a business owner and his wife is a SAHM, and to be honest, I am jealous of their set up.

I love my husband and wouldn’t pick someone over him, but I do wish he earned more.

No, I don't. But we are financially comfortable as it is, so that's easier for me to say than if we were living in poverty.

I would now, I married twice for love and was taken advantage of financially. I'd never make that mistake again and would only marry someone the same/better off if I were prepared to get married again. Male gold diggers/cocklodgers are more common than people think.

No, money doesn't buy happiness.

A friend of a friend married for money, she admits it herself. She has been in an unhappy marriage for 15 years, he never wanted children, she did, and she is now in her 40s and desperate to have a baby. They are now divorced but she wasted her life on him. He was emotionally unavailable and they spent no time together. She now can't meet anyone else.

He invested in a business for her and she made millions, has a massive house etc and lives the high life, will never have to work again but she's deeply unhappy, lonely and doesn't know who her real friends are. I would not trade places with her for all the money in the world.

Yes!!

Not a chance I would.
(And I had the chance).

Crushedvelvetcouch and MooBaaLaLaLa I completely empathise. I too made bad choices due to zero self esteem (I was taught I was worthless by an abusive bullying father) . I set my sights extremely low as no one worth their salts would have wanted to be with me! Now, at age 50 and 2 bad choices later I have worked on my self esteem - ok, 30 years too late, but now single and doing fine.
I’m ok by myself but it would be nice to meet someone now, and yes rich would be marvellous. But a grey haired, middle aged single mother , not sure I’m going to attract a rich single guy.

I’m glad I married someone with a decent salary and prospects, but I didn’t go looking for that. I was just lucky that the man I fell in love with has a good job and is responsible with money.

We’re not rich though! Just comfortable.

Itd be interesting to see the difference in response with those in arranged marriages. I know education, current earnings and future potential are all heavily considered

"I should like... I would so very much like to marry for love."
"And so you shall! Only take care that you fall in love with a very rich man."

I fancied, and fell in love with, DH and thought he didn't have any money at all. He was in a bad way emotionally and a student with no available cash - would sometimes go days without eating and horrible living comditions. Within a few months it transpired he'd got a fair bit of inaccessible inherited wealth (enough to buy a home outright and have a bit left over). This has made our life together much more easy and fun than it may otherwise have been, so while I absolutely didn't marry for money, it has enabled us to have choice as a couple and as individuals and perhaps we wouldn't have lasted as a couple without DH's financial situation.

GaraMedouar
Yes I find myself in a similar predicament for similar reasons to you. I'm glad that you are doing well now, I'm mid thirties and working on rebuilding my self esteem too now that I can at last recognise the full effect of my past circumstances upon my current situation.
I probably won't kick my DH out of our home as I am the product of divorce and it scares me to think that my daughters could end up as emotionally vulnerable as I am in adulthood.
I am however going to make him get a job so that perhaps I can cut my hours from fifty five to nearer forty and see more of the DC.
Who knows, perhaps he'll have an affair at work and make the decision easy for me...
Hopefully if that is the case then like you, I can be content to be on my own for quite a while, before bagging myself a billionaire before my looks desert me

FWIW I know lots of rather ordinarily attractive middle aged women who have foynd happiness with seemingly solvent men (friends of my mother's, aged fities to sixties) so I wouldn't write off finding love just yet if I were you.
In any case its good to know that you finally recognise your own worth, it gives me hope for my own future, so thank you

I am happily married to someone who earns less than me, but we do have a restricted lifestyle due to a killer mortgage and high house running costs. However, I wish I'd considered the impact of this before we got together. I would definitely consider wealth/money if I had my time again.

I married for.personality, family circs.and.what I understood to be.ambition and ability.

Found out too late that he was and is utterly deluded about his skills and marketability.

He's my ex DH now. However much I try, I cant see me ever being attractive to.someone solvent and genuinely career minded.

Yes I have a career of my own and three beautiful kids. The price I paid is horrific tbh.

I think it's impossible to say that someone is going to be a good earner because we don't know what may or may not happen.

I took a chance and it failed. By far the least financially comfortable of my friends and so little to show for my.emotional, physical and financial investment.

Although it would make life easier in many ways, I would not be truly happy. Money sets you free in a lot of ways but spending my life with a man I love, who makes me laugh like a drain, who earns an average salary, and who I fancy the pants off of - no rich husband is worth losing that.

I once stayed far too long in a job I hated because it was very well paid, after a while it gnaws away at your soul. I began to feel like I'd sold out.. I had!

I'd imagine being married for money, to someone you didn't really like or respect, is a bit like this.

1. I dated a guy once who proposed. I realised he wasn't for me. I said no. His retort was, 'you will never find anyone like me, I have a house, I have money, a good career'. He wasn't for me as he was a narcissist. I realised in time.
2. Then I fell I love. Guy was extremely wealthy. I think he loved me back but circumstances were not right.
3. I met my husband. He had a good job. We were dating. He got made redundant. By this time I had a post grad. Degree. I married him.

I earn more than my husband. He has no drive. No passion.

I think I would have been better off marrying someone with passion and drive. Not money per say.

No way!

No. Always been independent and provided for myself and contributed to the pot. I have enough of my own income and savings to get by on my own if necessary.
Marry for love and happiness.

Crushedvelvetcouch - you are mid thirties so ahead of me! I do hope you convince your DH to take on some financial responsibility. I am just annoyed at myself that it took me so long to realise my own self worth! But onwards and upwards - and I am (hopefully) making sure that my DD doesn't go down my path. I am giving her the knowledge and insight now, at age 7 , that I didn't have.