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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to clear the air with park mum

112 replies

Napqueen1234 · 15/04/2019 13:29

Long story short I live in a small town where I recognise lots of parents at the local park (see them there regularly etc not friends)

2 weeks ago this little boy around 3 who I see often (particularly boisterous even for a toddler, very pushy with a v ineffective mum) got in a bit of a bargy with my dad (nearly 2). She was about to go down a slide, he grabbed her v roughly and shoved her out the way for him to go. She shouted ‘no my turn’ or similar as he stood her up and he then pushed her backwards down the slide. Cue a lot of tears from DD and general drama.

His mum (v middle class usually sipping coffee) did come over but not sure if she didn’t see but was just very ‘oh dear what happened’ no telling off whatsoever. I was horrified as poor DD could have been really hurt. I said too quite loudly ‘come on DD let’s get away from that horrible little boy’ and left the park. His mum definitely heard.

I now feel bad and often see and avoid them in the park but would like to apologise or at least clear the air so we don’t have years of awkwardness ahead. What shall I say?

OP posts:

Nnnnnineteen · 15/04/2019 13:31

I wouldn't bother saying anything. You already decided you don't like the mum or the kid, why are you bothered what she thinks of you?

Booboostwo · 15/04/2019 13:32

When she asked what happened you should have just said “Your DS found it difficult to wait for his turn. He got frustrated and pushed DD off the slide but she’s not hurt”. No need to be so passive aggressive with a little boy. So say you are sorry for all that.

Readytogogogo · 15/04/2019 13:33

What you say certainly wasn't ideal but was clearly said in the heat of the moment. Maybe apologise and explain that you were concerned about how serious the accident could have been. I would also point out her son's behaviour at the time. If she accepts your apology and that her son behaved poorly, then great. If she doesn't, I would try not to worry too much about it, and just avoid!

TSSDNCOP · 15/04/2019 13:35

Yep. Blew that play OP. Not saying she was right but you do lose the high grand with the PA comment to a toddler.

EssentialHummus · 15/04/2019 13:36

I wouldn’t. I’d ideally have explained what happened to her at the time, but once it’s over it’s over imo. And tbh if that’s the sort of kid you have you don’t stand at a distance sipping coffee (I’m now waiting for the massive drip feed about her younger twins or terminally ill dog).

Funnyface1 · 15/04/2019 13:36

I wouldn't apologize. What you said might spur her into doing some parenting.

zippey · 15/04/2019 13:39

I don’t think what you said was wrong. Kudos for standing up for your daughter. Bad behaviour should always be called out, whatever the age or sex.

I would wait till she apologised to you, then maybe try and repair bridges. You’ve done nothing wrong.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 15/04/2019 13:46

You should have told mum exactly what happened so she could deal with it properly. If she didn’t see it, she couldn’t address it, and therefore it could happen again.

You didn’t have to get so passive aggressive with a toddler 😂, but I can understand when your dd was upset. Maybe next time address it with mum. For now, just leave it. Damage had been done.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 15/04/2019 13:50

v middle class usually sipping coffee

Struggling to see what her social class or preferred beverage have to do with anything

I wouldn't say anything. Obviously it would have been better to explain to her what had happened so she had the opportunity to deal with it but what's done is done. I doubt she's lost any sleep over it.

justgivemewine · 15/04/2019 13:52

so when she asked what happened did you actually tell her so she could address the issue, or did you just go straight into being PA nasty about her ds?

BlueBuilding · 15/04/2019 13:52

I wouldn't worry. He'll probably still be behaving the same way for the next 2-3yrs, especially if his parent doesn't address it.

It's always the parents of badly behaved children, who always happen 'to miss' their little bundles hurting other others. Funny that.

PinkHeart5914 · 15/04/2019 13:55

When children are 2 & 3 this stuff happens, really no child needs a good telling off because of it at that age.

I don’t agree with calling a 3 year old a horrible little boy to be honest, maybe the other mum is middle class and drinks coffee but at least she doesn’t insult children.

If this happens again and maybe act like an adult at the time and talk to the parent instead of insulting a 3 year old?

One day your dd will do something like this too.....

winbinin · 15/04/2019 13:55

Let it go. If her son is as bad as you say she will have heard worse. If it was a one off incident she will have written you off as a nutter. To stir things up now would just get you labelled an intense nutter.

Biancadelrioisback · 15/04/2019 13:56

Agree that what she likes to drink and how she drinks it is not relevant here. Nor is her class, her style, her shoe size or anything else.
You were PA to a toddler. You called a 3yo horrible in front of your DD. So aren't you teacher her that she can call people names behind their backs?
What happened isn't good at all, and im pleased your DD is not hurt, but you should have told the mum what happened and let her deal with it appropriately. If my DS did something that I didn't see I would appreciate someone speaking to me like an adult than making shady comments, calling DS names and walking off. Wtf would I do with that? Can't tell him off or correct his behaviour cos I still wouldn't know what happened!

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 15/04/2019 13:57

I think the moment has passed.

It would have been better to explain what actually happened, giving her the chance to deal with it, rather than flouncing off in a huff.

Just wear sunglasses and hope she doesn't recognise you?

Original poster

Napqueen1234 · 15/04/2019 13:58

Thanks for your responses. To those of you asking I didn’t tell her what happened as I was dealing with crying DD but my friend i was with explained he had shoved and then pushed her and the response was ‘oh no we don’t do that do we’ but that was about it.

General consensus seems to be let sleeping dogs lie. And to those calling me out yes I know not a good thing to say and that’s why I would feel better apologising- was sort of hoping she would approach me after but maybe she’s in this limbo too

OP posts:

f83mx · 15/04/2019 13:58

You were out of order , she should be watching her kid though.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/04/2019 13:59

Just say away from them, you acted in anger, it wasn't the best thing to say loudly but it could have been worse.
I also have a hardy boy, I watch him like a hawk around other children, especially little girls he was born above 99.99 scale. I do tell him he is not allowed to hit girls or boys but especially girls, I know some people find no hitting girls controversial, I believe it is best he learns early.
She should have dealt with him properly.

Kko1986 · 15/04/2019 14:01

Do not apologise yes you were vocal but you showed your daughter that you will look after her and protect her.
Your daughter could have been very badly hurt and it's only luck she wasn't.
I am a strongly against parents who put their children in the play area then wonder off. My daughter is 16 months and she falls over and bangs in to things I just pick her up and dust her off I like to make sure I am there so she can see me that's just parenthood.
You probably did sound harsh but I can imagine seeing your baby girl pushed like that scared you half to death. Don't punish yourself x

Mammyloveswine · 15/04/2019 14:04

Wow so much judgement from you. "Ineffective mum" "middle class and sipping coffee" "didn't tell him off".

Just wait until your precious dd pushes someone over.. or worse, BITES another child! (I was the parent of a biter, actual hell . I literally followed him around for 6 months in case he bared his teeth..).

Im being a bit harsh OP as it is horrible seeing another child hurt yours and you do go into mama bear mode. I think if you see her again maybe engage a bit. Sounds as if her little boy is quite hard work and she's probably knackered. My 3 year old has calmed down loads but aged around 2.5 he was FERAL. Im a bloody good mum but his behaviour was so wild my health visitor did a referall to a peadiatrician. 9 months later he is like a different child, always says.please and thank you and i can't remember the last time he was in any way confrontational with another child, let alone hitting or pushing.

So maybe just take the time to.sit with her, she may be knackered and need someone to talk to.

Dont be afraid to tell other parents if their child hurts yours. If they dont know they cant deal appropriately with the behaviour.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 15/04/2019 14:05

was sort of hoping she would approach me after but maybe she’s in this limbo too

Or maybe she just doesn't give that much headspace to what a random stranger at the park thinks about her and her child?

bluebell34567 · 15/04/2019 14:07

she should apologize, not you. your dd could be seriously hurt.

bluebell34567 · 15/04/2019 14:08

but i think she was scared to open a can of worms.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2019 14:09

I am a strongly against parents who put their children in the play area then wonder off. My daughter is 16 months...

There is a huge difference between a 3 year old and a 16 month old. Drinking a coffee in the play area is not "wandering off"

MadameDD · 15/04/2019 14:11

I wouldn't apologise. You said it in the heat of the moment even though it wasn't a nice thing to say to a child.

If I were to get into a conversation with her at some stage when you see/saw her and we became acquaintances or friends then if it came up re her DS being rude etc or generally re children's behaviour then I'd maybe offer up an apology then, if he was better behaved but otherwise not.

Agreed with what MinisterforCheekyFuckery says - why on earth would a random woman with a child think that much about a throwaway comment you made to her child one time? It's not as though you smacked him in the mouth or had a 3 minute loud rant at him!

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