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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to clear the air with park mum

112 replies

Napqueen1234 · 15/04/2019 13:29

Long story short I live in a small town where I recognise lots of parents at the local park (see them there regularly etc not friends)

2 weeks ago this little boy around 3 who I see often (particularly boisterous even for a toddler, very pushy with a v ineffective mum) got in a bit of a bargy with my dad (nearly 2). She was about to go down a slide, he grabbed her v roughly and shoved her out the way for him to go. She shouted ‘no my turn’ or similar as he stood her up and he then pushed her backwards down the slide. Cue a lot of tears from DD and general drama.

His mum (v middle class usually sipping coffee) did come over but not sure if she didn’t see but was just very ‘oh dear what happened’ no telling off whatsoever. I was horrified as poor DD could have been really hurt. I said too quite loudly ‘come on DD let’s get away from that horrible little boy’ and left the park. His mum definitely heard.

I now feel bad and often see and avoid them in the park but would like to apologise or at least clear the air so we don’t have years of awkwardness ahead. What shall I say?

OP posts:
FriarTuck · 15/04/2019 14:13

I don't know why people are complaining about OP's middle-class and coffee comment - it's obviously meant to illustrate that the woman was the type who sits on a bench miles away from her kid drinking her coffee and checking her phone and doing zero parenting. Hmm
I'd leave it OP. She's probably 'missed' several similar incidents since and wouldn't be able to differentiate you from the other unimpressed parents.

YouTheCat · 15/04/2019 14:18

Friar, that's what I thought as well.

Op, I wouldn't bother losing any sleep over this woman.

howabout · 15/04/2019 14:20

it's obviously meant to illustrate that the woman was the type who sits on a bench miles away from her kid drinking her coffee and checking her phone and doing zero parenting.

Nothing more frustrating than going to the park with 3+ age DC to give them a chance to gain a bit of independence and learn to negotiate with other DC and then being "judged" by all the helicopters standing over their own DC and still not managing to act as referee. Sad

I agree the other Mother probably has absolutely no recollection of you or the incident or your reaction.

FriarTuck · 15/04/2019 14:27

Nothing more frustrating than going to the park with 3+ age DC to give them a chance to gain a bit of independence and learn to negotiate with other DC and then being "judged" by all the helicopters standing over their own DC and still not managing to act as referee
There's a world of difference between encouraging a young DC to be independent and leaving them to hurt another child because they don't know (or haven't been taught) better.....

BlueBuilding · 15/04/2019 14:28

Nothing more frustrating than going to the park with 3+ age DC to give them a chance to gain a bit of independence and learn to negotiate with other DC and then being "judged" by all the helicopters standing over their own DC and still not managing to act as referee.

If you are that far away from your three year that you can't hear or see them pushing and shoving at the top of the slide, that's not giving them independence, it's crap parenting.
Especially if you already know your child is prone to that kind of behaviour. Get off your backside and supervise your child!

whocaresalot · 15/04/2019 14:29

I think it’s good that you stood up for your daughter. If my child did that when they were the age of the little boy I’d be fine with them being referred to as horrible and they’d be getting a telling off from me. Try not to beat yourself up about it.

cheeseypuff · 15/04/2019 14:31

Hmm I don't think you handled it particularly well at the time - I'm not sure I'd be wanting to have much more to do with someone who called my child "horrid". The children involved are both pretty young & you admit that she did tell her son that he shouldn't do that sort of thing - I'm not sure what more you're after really? She may have spoken to him after you left for all you know.
Yes he could have hurt your daughter, but kids of 3 aren't often out to deliberately hurt others, they just don't understand the rules. Quite frankly if I saw another child being unfair or upsetting my kids with no obvious parents around, I'd generally have a quiet word along the lines of "I don't think that's very kind" or "shall we take turns".

I'd just be polite in future & if you want to be friendly, be friendly to her.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 15/04/2019 14:34

Your 2 yo will be 3 herself soon.

When she gets it wrong - and she will, because she is learning - how would you like other parents to treat her?

bubbleobill · 15/04/2019 14:35

Love the idea that sitting on a bench and looking at your phone is 'giving your dc independence' 😂

I wouldn't approach her op. Just leave it.

Cornishclio · 15/04/2019 14:35

I cannot abide parents who take them to the park then don't properly supervise them or reprimand them for anti social behaviour. If that had been my three year old DGD I would have told the boy off. If parents won't teach their kids how to behave then I will step in if they threaten my DGDs and I did the same with my DDs when they were little. All very well to talk about helicopter parenting but at only three when kids are doing things which could be dangerous I will step in. I would not apologise. She should teach her DS to behave.

Jackyjill6 · 15/04/2019 14:36

I agree with your thoughts on clearing the air OP.

It will be much easier to catch her quickly at the park and say something that acknowledges that you were upset at the time.

As you say it's a small town it would be much better to be on smiling/nodding terms with her, rather than having to rush off to avoid her in the school playground in the future.

Eustasiavye · 15/04/2019 14:37

Why don't you smile at her and say hello the next time you see her.

Cornishclio · 15/04/2019 14:39

*Blue building
*
If you are that far away from your three year that you can't hear or see them pushing and shoving at the top of the slide, that's not giving them independence, it's crap parenting.
Especially if you already know your child is prone to that kind of behaviour. Get off your backside and supervise your child!

Totally agree with this.

BertrandRussell · 15/04/2019 14:40

Is sipping coffee v. midfle class? Who knew?

dustarr73 · 15/04/2019 14:41

I wouldnt say sorry,your friend told her what happened and she didnt say sorry to you or your dd.

But i would be watching that child like a hawk,your dd wasnt hurt this time.

GummyGoddess · 15/04/2019 14:43

Leave it and keep your DD away from him. You should have said what happened at the time, but if she is that ineffectual then it probably wouldn't have helped.

If it was my DC I would have wanted to know what he had done. How else can I explain how to behave if I don't tell him it was wrong?

Cornishclio · 15/04/2019 14:43

Why would you need to avoid her? Even if you live in a small town you won't get on with everyone. Kids will have lots of spats in the early years and some parents are just bone idle in watching them. No loss if you don't end up good friends.

ScrewyMcScrewup · 15/04/2019 14:43

Don't apologise. Maybe you shamed her into actually watching her kid.

Thymeout · 15/04/2019 14:52

I'm a bit surprised about the idea that a 3yr old is too young to be told off. And 'oh no. We don't do that, do we?' is ridiculous when he'd just done it and it sounds like it wasn't the first time.

I also don't understand why Op should wait for his mother to come over and deal with it. I don't see anything wrong with Op telling him herself that it wasn't his turn and he needs to be careful with smaller children. Sometimes a stranger has more effect than a parent.

Topseyt · 15/04/2019 14:59

Just leave it now unless the mum approaches you.

It wasn't ideal obviously, but I think that she has more to apologise about than you do because she wasn't adequately supervising her child, who was therefore getting away with being a horrid brat. When she did speak to him she was wishy washy, although it isn't clear whether or not she actually saw the extent of what happened.

She should have removed her child from the situation where he was causing trouble. I would have grabbed mine and propelled them home for anything approaching what you describe when they were that age.

ShinyRuby · 15/04/2019 15:00

I thought the "middle class & sipping coffee" comment illustrates the story brilliantly! As soon as I read it, I could picture EXACTLY the sort of parent OP means. The type that constantly moans she "needs a break" & a bit of "me time" all whilst her child runs riot in the park. Of course she doesn't notice what he's done, she's having her coffee in peace & enjoying her break/chat with similar friends. Possibly wearing huge sunglasses too.

Topseyt · 15/04/2019 15:01

I think you would have been justified in telling her child off yourself. A sharpish "No, wait your turn!" would not have been unreasonable.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 15/04/2019 15:07

v middle class usually sipping coffee

What's middle class about sipping coffee?

[misses point of thread]

Fiveredbricks · 15/04/2019 15:16

Tell the other kid off OP. If their own parent isn't there to do it in the moment. I have to do it at soft play, the play area... The bloody supermarket.

My ds isn't even 2 yet. But he looks almost 3 and a half. He's in 3-4yr clothes and outgrowing them fast 😳 The other kids treat him like that age so I have to tell them, and/or tell them off sometimes.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/04/2019 15:20

There are parents like that everywhere. A boy in dds class now has quite a reputation but mummy says butter wouldn’t melt. He’s 11. The family seem to genuinely see themselves as the centre of the universe and have no concept of how other really see them. For example they’ve had a few dogs but never last and are given to a family member or friend when bored with them. The mum isn’t nasty or anything, just lives on another planet.

I’m not saying this woman is like the one I’m describing but that’s the impression I’m getting. Talking to her would be wasting her breath. Next time tell the child directly. “No that’s mean” or similar.