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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH and sleeping bag gate

182 replies

CoffeeCoffeeTea · 14/04/2019 22:11

Ok, this argument has been going on for 10 years and I need advice on how to move on. I lost my temper badly tonight , and I am so ashamed, not because I argued with DH but because I know I've upset my DCs.

Around 10 years ago my sister and her family came for dinner! Talk turned to my DNiece and that she was going on a camping trip with school. My DH offered my DN his sleeping bag , my DN was polite and said thank you , how kind.... but in reality there was no way she was going to use my DH grotty sleeping bag, it was at least 40 years old, had a weird odour and even I would not use it. So my niece ever took the sleeping bag.
A year or two later I had to do a major clear out as we had a bad infestation of carpet bugs and silver fish. To be honest I do not remember what I binned , I just put on the marigolds and cleared lots of stuff and probably DHs sleeping bag...

So moving on, and I do apologise as I've just reread what I've written and it's so trivial.
So problem is that my husband keeps bringing up the missing sleeping bag. He keeps asking me to ring my sister as he is convinced my niece has stolen it. When I tell him I binned it with all the contaminated stuff he accuses me of covering for my sister.
Tonight I lost it and said 'I fxxxx binned your shxxx sleeping bag with all the other crap you had'
We had a massive screaming row. I've apologies to our DCs .
But I'm just so tired of this arguement .it was a 30?year old thread bare sleeping bag . I've apologised , I binned it, ,
How can I get him to move on

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 14/04/2019 22:14

Ok, while it's not great to lose your temper, it does sound really irritating that he would keep going on about a tatty old sleeping bag. They're about £8 for cheap ones in Argos. Is he a hoarder?

Tirednessandmoretiredness · 14/04/2019 22:15

Get him a new one?

Wheresmyvagina · 14/04/2019 22:16

Is he a hoarder?

WithAllIntenseAndPurposes · 14/04/2019 22:16

Sounds like his hygiene leaves a lot to be desired

ShinyMe · 14/04/2019 22:17

Sorry, that made me laugh. My dad lent me a blow up mattress to take camping, maybe 15 years ago. It was already maybe 10 years old then. It was a good quality one, and he has since had a stroke and become disabled, so there is zero chance he will ever use his blow up mattress again ever. But any time I go camping he asks me whether I will be HIS mattress, and wants to know that I'm looking after it properly. It's thin and narrow and loses air, so I'm going to replace it this summer. I daren't tell him!

Safiya5 · 14/04/2019 22:17

Oh my god, why is he going on about this still? He sounds insane. Is he a hoarder?

Servalan · 14/04/2019 22:18

How strange. Did it have some sort of sentimental value? Confused

Darkbaptism · 14/04/2019 22:19

Buy him a new one and tell him to get over it!

MarthasGinYard · 14/04/2019 22:19

Yanbu

"And TB perfectly H DN never even took it with her, it's old and the odour wasn't nice. She bought one from camping shop for 15 quid and used that. I threw it out with all the silverfish ages ago. Choose another I'll replace it for you"

kaytee87 · 14/04/2019 22:19

Christ, why would he think your niece would steal it? Is he usually bonkers?

DuffBeer · 14/04/2019 22:21

He needs to grow up and shut up.

There is no sane reason for him to keep bringing this up. I think I would have swung for him, you did well to hold back.

stayathomegardener · 14/04/2019 22:22

My DH is exactly the same about his sleeping bag, motor bike gear and wet suit.

They are all now COMPLETELY SHIT.

To be fair they were good quality 40 years ago and cost him a lot of money; I sort of understand.

Just taking him shopping and buy a special new one for him to hoed.

Cherrysoup · 14/04/2019 22:22

Why does he keep bringing this up? What is his problem? That you're siding with your dn, or that you're telling him something he doesn't want to believe? I would probably have lost the plot too and would also have told him to shut the fuck up. It's a mad thing to do to keep going on about this.

DwayneDibbly · 14/04/2019 22:29

This is the sort of thing my DP would go on about for eternity. He still bitches about a sleeping bag that I left in the back of a taxi 6 years ago when we were moving house. He's adamant I lost it deliberately. IT WASN'T EVEN HIS SLEEPING BAG, it was mine but he won't have it. Arse. I just laugh in his face now when he moans about it.

SkyBillingIssue · 14/04/2019 22:31

Is he tight with money by any chance? Those that are, are generally under the misconception that everyone else is too.... Hence him thinking his niece stole it 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

feebeecat · 14/04/2019 22:38

Is he ever likely to use it again?
I have a relative who is the same about a spade my cousin borrowed several years ago. He bought it back, but he swears it's a different one. We hear about it on a regular basis - he's now 89, unsteady on his feet & unlikely to be going digging anytime soon, does that stop him moaning, does it heck.
Unless there was a family heirloom sewn into the lining, tell him to get over himself!!

Duck90 · 14/04/2019 22:38

If it has been “missing” for 8 to 10 years, he really doesn’t need a sleeping bag? Camping can’t part of his routine!

ScafellPoke · 14/04/2019 22:42

My sleeping bag cost me £300 I’d be very pissed if it got thrown away

Original poster
CoffeeCoffeeTea · 14/04/2019 22:42

Thanks everyone. You've all made me chuckle with your responses. I did buy a replacement sleeping bag, lightweight but well insulated. But it's just not the same as the one he bought in 1972. Yes my husband is a hoarder, I hate clutter .
And yes the wet suit and the biking gear are stored in the attic. He has not realised, but my DCs were fed up with all his gear(that has not been used for 20 years) in their wardrobes. His sailing stuff is in my wardrobe 😂

OP posts:
MooseHoose · 14/04/2019 22:44

I can’t fathom why he’d be so upset about this a decade later or why he’d assume it’s all a cunningly planned lie. It’s bizarre. YANBU. Did you tell him it was crawling with bugs?

MarthasGinYard · 14/04/2019 22:44

'His sailing stuff is in my wardrobe 😂'

Whilst adorning charity shop with said gear unused for eternity

Smile
OhioOhioOhio · 14/04/2019 22:46

I am very fortunate that my hoarder husband is also a ferocious angry beast so I had the good fortune of being able to throw him out. I highly recommend this as a solution to your problem.

Neighneigh · 14/04/2019 22:48

I once went to a party with my dad's father's ww2 sleeping bag. It was 1994. I was not popular.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 14/04/2019 22:51

Just say you did ask your sister.

Tell him she gave it back unused. She remembers doing it because it stank and she was pleased to get it out of her house.

justasking111 · 14/04/2019 22:51

My OH is just like this, he moans about stuff gone years ago, worn out and binned. He almost wept when we moved and I made him go through his clothes. He moans he is short of socks. I counted them 49 pairs, some from Moses time. He was sad about throwing out a 38 year old life jacket. He is a tight wad with a double garage full of" come in handy". Before we moved he had a barn and three sheds full of "come in handy" he is convinced we lose or stuff gets stolen every time we have moved (bangs head)