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Original poster

DH and sleeping bag gate

182 replies

CoffeeCoffeeTea · 14/04/2019 22:11

Ok, this argument has been going on for 10 years and I need advice on how to move on. I lost my temper badly tonight , and I am so ashamed, not because I argued with DH but because I know I've upset my DCs.

Around 10 years ago my sister and her family came for dinner! Talk turned to my DNiece and that she was going on a camping trip with school. My DH offered my DN his sleeping bag , my DN was polite and said thank you , how kind.... but in reality there was no way she was going to use my DH grotty sleeping bag, it was at least 40 years old, had a weird odour and even I would not use it. So my niece ever took the sleeping bag.
A year or two later I had to do a major clear out as we had a bad infestation of carpet bugs and silver fish. To be honest I do not remember what I binned , I just put on the marigolds and cleared lots of stuff and probably DHs sleeping bag...

So moving on, and I do apologise as I've just reread what I've written and it's so trivial.
So problem is that my husband keeps bringing up the missing sleeping bag. He keeps asking me to ring my sister as he is convinced my niece has stolen it. When I tell him I binned it with all the contaminated stuff he accuses me of covering for my sister.
Tonight I lost it and said 'I fxxxx binned your shxxx sleeping bag with all the other crap you had'
We had a massive screaming row. I've apologies to our DCs .
But I'm just so tired of this arguement .it was a 30?year old thread bare sleeping bag . I've apologised , I binned it, ,
How can I get him to move on

OP posts:
FranklySonImTheGaffer · 15/04/2019 00:20

This thread has made me feel a little better - I thought stuff like this only happened in our house.

About 5 years ago DH realised some maps were missing. Why he cares when he uses his phone when hiking I don't know, but he's decided that I moved them / threw them out and brings them up every now and again. He WILL NOT have it that I never touched them. I can't even read a map properly FGS 🙄

I suggest you take my approach. I said once that I refuse to keep discussing it. When he brings it up now I just remind him that I don't care about the maps and I'm not talking about it. Then I just ignore the moaning until he talks about something else

timeisnotaline · 15/04/2019 00:29

If he was still going on about it a year after I’d chucked it, I’d plan operation clean the house. Every weekend we would attack a different cupboard and dh would have to handle every item and acknowledge if I allocated it to the bin/ charity. He’d get over it pretty quickly I suspect.

darnsarf · 15/04/2019 00:34

Does he have £40,000 stashed in the bottom of it? That's the only explanation for being a complete nobber about it?

LetsDoThisAgain · 15/04/2019 00:37

He sounds mentally unwell.

Acis · 15/04/2019 00:38

Are your DCs that upset? They must be well aware of their father's irrationality around this and may well have been mentally cheering you on.

AlunWynsKnee · 15/04/2019 00:40

I was all ready with the sympathy. Then I remembered my utterly pristine and newish sleeping bag. I'd send it to camp with DS.
I bought it in 1992. That's quite recent in my head. I was a working adult.
Is that his problem? Time's passed and the things you bought aren't new anymore?

Blondebakingmumma · 15/04/2019 00:40

He is calling you a liar! I would be questioning the relationship

Fjfs · 15/04/2019 00:46

I had this with my DP's 'thing that you use to plaster' - can't actually recall the name of it - something like a 'plastering trowel' but something different. I had thrown it out as it had cement stuck to it.

WELL I might as well have thrown out his mother!

But that was my best THING (let's stick with Thing)!!!!!
But the thing was caked in cement?
Ye, but that could have been cleaned off?
Well why didn't you clean it off before you put it in the shed?
Oh you're fucking ridiculous. You understand nothing!
Well how much will the thing cost to replace?
They're about 40 pounds!
Well why don't you just buy another new thing?
You're not listening to me. You threw my THING out!!!
But the fucking THING was useless in its current state!
That's not the point!

But it is the fucking point!
On and on that argument went............ about the thing.

Fjfs · 15/04/2019 00:47

DP's can become irrationally possessive about their 'things'.

OffToBedhampton · 15/04/2019 01:10

Just want to say ewwww for you. How yukky is your DH?!!

"Darling.... Don't be ridiculous it was infected with silverfish, bugs and stank as you never properly washed it. We have a lovely house and your manky infested sleeping bag was binned years ago! Niece said no thanks to the loan offer, as it was stinking even back 10 years ago. You're being an idiot"
Hth 😂

OffToBedhampton · 15/04/2019 01:11

OP you've been very patient with your DH if it's only taken 10 years of his nagging about festering sleeping bag.

OffToBedhampton · 15/04/2019 01:12

.. to tell him to shurrup about it! Maybe your DC needed to hear!

PregnantSea · 15/04/2019 01:57

You can't live like this OP. He needs therapy. There will be more incidents in the years to come - there will be an old pair of socks or some used dental floss or equally useless disgusting items. Tell him he needs to deal with issues and it's non negotiable because it's affecting his family.

Ihatehashtags · 15/04/2019 02:10

What everyone else has said. He is being ridiculous. Sounds like he does have a problem with hoarding.

canadianbanana · 15/04/2019 02:16

Rather than buying him a nice new sleeping bag, ask friends or check out some charity shops to see if you can find him another manky one. Wrap it up, give it to him for his birthday or Christmas. If he thinks it’s disgusting, you can say “yes, so was yours. That’s why I binned it years ago. And that’s why, not only did niece not steal it, she didn’t want to use it. Understand now?”

Greeborising · 15/04/2019 02:27

Buy him a new one and shove it up his arse
You can get some very nice ones now that squidge up into a very small bag.
If it was my H he would appreciate it as he would be sleeping in the car so that I didn’t need to listen to his childish crap whining on and on ABOUT SOMETHING SO EFFING TRIVIAL!!!!!

HalfBearOtherHalfCat · 15/04/2019 03:37

He genuinely thinks your niece is a thief and you are happily lying to his face to facilitate her theft from him? Really? Unless there is backstory about niece historically being light fingered and you being a champion bullshitter I would struggle to be civil to someone with such a keenness to believe the worst of me (and my relative) when a perfectly reasonable explanation has been given.

Hopefully blowing up at him has illustrated that you have really had enough of hearing about the sleeping bag saga and he won't bring it up again.

If he doesn't have the sense to stop worrying at it though...

Is he just being a jerk with a stupid fixed notion about his smelly old bag? Or could his hoarding tendencies and over-attachment to a missing item be a sign of deeper mental health problems? I think figuring that out would help with choosing your approach to resolving this.

BloodsportForAll · 15/04/2019 03:49

Go look up "Josef Porters's Sleeping Bag' on YouTube by Atilla the Stockbroker. It's bloody hilarious.

ittakes2 · 15/04/2019 04:00

Hi OP - I have diagnosed OCD with hoarding - wow your hubby sounds really bad! Please ring your GP and ask about OCD CBT treatment and then try and get your hubby to speak to the GP about being put on the list for treatment. Its not just your hubby - he is a role model for your kids.

Fruitbatdancer · 15/04/2019 04:01

Hilarious! My DH also has a slightly wierd obsession with a sleeping bag, it’s followed us from house to house and every time I’ve tried to bin it he’s retrieved it. Similarly it’s about 30 years old and complete mank. He proposes we use it for every guest that stays over?! Erm no sweetie, we’ll gove them a perfectly nice bed and duvet thanks? Not your 30 year old sweaty bag Hmm
Men are wierd. The end.
Don’t get me started on all the 30 year old biker gear that wouldn’t fit his left thigh and the dead butterfly collection ....

marylou1977 · 15/04/2019 04:08

Oh Coffee, I really feel you. My husband still has his Boy Scout shorts....

habibihabibi · 15/04/2019 04:16

My husband still has his Boy Scout shortsGrin

happymum12345 · 15/04/2019 04:55

It’s the middle of the night & anxiety is keeping me awake, but this thread has made me feel better. It’s nice to know that we’re not the only family that fall out over stuff like this! Your dc will be fine- I except it will be one of those stories from their childhood that they’re remember & laugh about.

Sevo7 · 15/04/2019 05:19

I had this with my ex and a really rusty old hammer,he swore blind time and time again my brother had taken it. I told him to stop being ridiculous my brother is builder and has his own perfectly good hammer but still it was brought up constantly. I never bothered to ask my brother about it as I knew there was no way he would have taken it. A couple of years after we split up I was helping my brother clear his shed and what do I find but the bastard hammer! Blush I questioned my brother about it and explained light heartedly all the arguments this hammer had caused to which my brother got quite cross and swore blind he didn’t know how the hammer had got there and even accused my ex of planting it there to cause trouble! I’ve honestly never known anything like it Confused

Itshightime · 15/04/2019 05:43

I have a DH that has hoarding issues. His sleeping bag circa 1989 is one of his ‘things’. Always needs to know it’s ‘there’ if there is any mention of camping... which there rarely is!