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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and sleeping bag gate

182 replies

CoffeeCoffeeTea · 14/04/2019 22:11

Ok, this argument has been going on for 10 years and I need advice on how to move on. I lost my temper badly tonight , and I am so ashamed, not because I argued with DH but because I know I've upset my DCs.

Around 10 years ago my sister and her family came for dinner! Talk turned to my DNiece and that she was going on a camping trip with school. My DH offered my DN his sleeping bag , my DN was polite and said thank you , how kind.... but in reality there was no way she was going to use my DH grotty sleeping bag, it was at least 40 years old, had a weird odour and even I would not use it. So my niece ever took the sleeping bag.
A year or two later I had to do a major clear out as we had a bad infestation of carpet bugs and silver fish. To be honest I do not remember what I binned , I just put on the marigolds and cleared lots of stuff and probably DHs sleeping bag...

So moving on, and I do apologise as I've just reread what I've written and it's so trivial.
So problem is that my husband keeps bringing up the missing sleeping bag. He keeps asking me to ring my sister as he is convinced my niece has stolen it. When I tell him I binned it with all the contaminated stuff he accuses me of covering for my sister.
Tonight I lost it and said 'I fxxxx binned your shxxx sleeping bag with all the other crap you had'
We had a massive screaming row. I've apologies to our DCs .
But I'm just so tired of this arguement .it was a 30?year old thread bare sleeping bag . I've apologised , I binned it, ,
How can I get him to move on

OP posts:
WhoKnewBeefStew · 15/04/2019 09:47

OP can you find the oldest, shittiest, smelliest sleeping bag you can, eBay or charity shop and give it to him.

GummyGoddess · 15/04/2019 10:23

Sounds like DH. My task is washing and I threw away a pair of boxers with a hole in where I assume his balls would just dangle through. He was furious! Said boxers are expensive (they were from matalan), he didn't have time to buy more (I bought them), he still wore them and he doesn't throw my clothes out (no, because I do it myself).

Ellie56 · 15/04/2019 10:52

This thread just keeps giving!

My husband still has his Boy Scout shorts....

Grin Grin

justasking111 · 15/04/2019 13:00

We still have DH Queens scout shirt with badges, scarf and woggle. He still has the bowie knife he used to wear with it (rolls eyes)

Userplusnumbers · 15/04/2019 13:16

I threw away piles of DPs t shirts that were twenty years old or so.

He was furious. I shut it down by promising to replace them the second he fitted into a mens small again. Spoiler, he's still an XL Grin

justasking111 · 15/04/2019 13:21

User Grin roflmao.

justasking111 · 15/04/2019 13:22

OH has as much wardrobe space as me. The difference, the trousers I fight to wedge into his space come in waist. 32, 34, 36. Grin

oh4forkssake · 15/04/2019 13:23

I'm married to one of these. We have had such rows over the years about stuff like this. I know he still has the boxes of stuff that I have sold on eBay. Without the boxes.

He has a ton of fishing gear. We have been together for 13 years. I have never known him to fish. And I don't think he did for 10 years before we met.

My big dread, as awful as this is, is what will happen when MIL dies. His room is like a shrine to him and is full of clothes, shoes, football trophies, you name it. I know that he will want all that stuff to come to our house and I WILL challenge it. None of it is going to be displayed in our house. It won't go into any of our existing storage so it will end up in our loft. And I will throw it when he dies.

MIL's house has an awful lot of tat as she's also a bit hoardy. It's awful, but so much of the contents of that house is going to end up in a skip. And she's raised hoardy children who are really going to struggle with that.

Greeborising · 15/04/2019 13:25

Someone suggested op’s DH might be so attached to the sleeping bag cos of sentimental reasons.
That’s got me wondering what occurred in said sleeping bag that holds so many fond memories for him 🧐
On second thoughts..........😳

PCohle · 15/04/2019 13:26

I think lots of couples have one or two weird trivial arguments that they just cannot ever resolve.

There are a couple of topics my DH and I have just had to agree that we will never ever speak of again. Ever.

justasking111 · 15/04/2019 13:30

Oh4. I tried to hand over the shrine which DS wanted when we moved his DP threw it back. lol.

Funniest thing with OH his 32,34,36 wish size trousers, he wears the 36" around his hips because of pot belly. DS was getting married which meant hiring morning dress. I was there when DH was measured up for trousers, the member of staff tried a 36, nah. 38, not really we ended up with a 40 which the staff member handled beautifully, our eyes met over my DH I do not know how we both kept a straight face as DH insisted he was a 34/36. OH had to wear braces as well to keep them up. Grin

2muchstress · 15/04/2019 13:32

cantfindname
Flowers

AlexaAmbidextra · 15/04/2019 13:51

The waist size thing, I remember my friend’s husband boasting that he was still wearing the same size trousers that he had when they married twenty years previously. She pointed out that yes, he was but he was now wearing them with the waistband around his hips and slung under his beer belly. 😄

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/04/2019 13:57

@justasking111

Ex is the same! Convinced he is a 38 inch waist, whereas in fact he is 38 hips, his waist should be measure in yards thanks to his massive belly :o

Thegoodthere · 15/04/2019 14:05

DH is like this. T-shirts from 25 years ago, VHS tapes of his fav teenage bands, photo albums full of old girlfriend pics. Drives me mad.

AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 15/04/2019 14:08

My dh wants to keep our current Maclaren stroller for our grandchildren. Our toddler is 2

This made me chuckle. My DH has hoarding tendencies too although I keep them in check. They’re inherited from his Mum. She’s planning on downsizing her house and I dread the day we have to help clear it!

Londonmummy66 · 15/04/2019 14:22

My Dad used to have an awful canvass anorak thing that he'd had since military service - every holiday if we went on a walk and it was wet or cold this awful thing came out. I don't know how my mother put up with it. However, I think it reminded him of his early 20s when he went backpacking around Europe in the days before Interail. It was a running joke though which meant he couldn't get precious about it. Perhaps turn the saga of the sleeping bag into a running joke - as you have teenagers I imagine they would be happy to pisstake?

hammeringinmyhead · 15/04/2019 14:40

My in-laws are like this with furniture. I lived with DH in a house they owned when we were students and it was full of stuff like ancient dark wood dressers with commemorative plates, 30 year old sofa in green velvet, towels from the 80s, and childhood bedroom furniture. In my opinion "There's nothing wrong with it," is not the same as "This item is nice and we should keep it." Their garage is full of furniture from when their parents died. Thankfully our house is 12ft wide so we have never had room for things like dressers and wicker conservatory sets.

BikeRunSki · 15/04/2019 15:22

. In my opinion "There's nothing wrong with it," is not the same as "This item is nice and we should

Me too, but my parents in law of if the school of thought that you use something until it falls apart, then you recover it/wrap it it in insulating tape, or fix it with Araldite or Shugru. One of these options always works. Then you carry on using it some more.

I refuse to sleep on the 1930s Z bed anymore.

froufroufoxes · 15/04/2019 15:57

I threw away a pair of boxers with a hole in where I assume his balls would just dangle through

This thread keeps on giving Grin

DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 15/04/2019 16:00

Next time Sleeping Bag Gate is brought up tell dh that if he mentions it again you will tie him up in the new sleeping bag, truss him with a thick rope and deposit him in the nearest river, closely followed by a second sleeping bag containing his wetsuit, biking gear and anything else that proves he ever existed!

But seriously, he is effectively calling you a liar and your niece a thief so this does need sorted out. Would a chat about letting go of the sleeping bag and moving on be a good idea, it is clearly causing him a problem but hanging onto the past is not helping anyone, as is evidenced by your (imo justified) outburst.

As for it happening in front of the teenagers, it happens. How you/he deals with it now is a better testament to how life should be. If it gets sorted now, then good. If it hangs around and resentment builds that is not a good example. Children need to know things can go wrong and discover how to handle them.

DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 15/04/2019 16:04

I threw away a pair of boxers with a hole in where I assume his balls would just dangle through

Aaaaargh, can't get this image out of my head, need brain bleach, need brain bleach. Aaaaargh.

Cocolapew · 15/04/2019 16:10

When DH, then DP, moved in with me I had a clear out of my stuff and what he brought down with him (metallic silver and gold tiger picture anyone? 🙄), to make more room.
I threw out a pair of christmas themed boxer shorts, the elastic was going and they had holes in them.
He was upset because they were his "pulling boxers" 😐

VampireSlayer19 · 15/04/2019 17:22

I hope chat goes well and he realises he was being dramatic!

ChiaraRimini · 15/04/2019 17:41

Oh god I was married to one of these.
He didn't even move his crap out until we sold the house nearly 2 years after we split. He's now got a garage full of it and I bet he's never once opened the boxes. He was another one with hundreds of pairs of socks as he would buy new and never get rid of the old holey ones. Beyond grim.

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