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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH and sleeping bag gate

182 replies

CoffeeCoffeeTea · 14/04/2019 22:11

Ok, this argument has been going on for 10 years and I need advice on how to move on. I lost my temper badly tonight , and I am so ashamed, not because I argued with DH but because I know I've upset my DCs.

Around 10 years ago my sister and her family came for dinner! Talk turned to my DNiece and that she was going on a camping trip with school. My DH offered my DN his sleeping bag , my DN was polite and said thank you , how kind.... but in reality there was no way she was going to use my DH grotty sleeping bag, it was at least 40 years old, had a weird odour and even I would not use it. So my niece ever took the sleeping bag.
A year or two later I had to do a major clear out as we had a bad infestation of carpet bugs and silver fish. To be honest I do not remember what I binned , I just put on the marigolds and cleared lots of stuff and probably DHs sleeping bag...

So moving on, and I do apologise as I've just reread what I've written and it's so trivial.
So problem is that my husband keeps bringing up the missing sleeping bag. He keeps asking me to ring my sister as he is convinced my niece has stolen it. When I tell him I binned it with all the contaminated stuff he accuses me of covering for my sister.
Tonight I lost it and said 'I fxxxx binned your shxxx sleeping bag with all the other crap you had'
We had a massive screaming row. I've apologies to our DCs .
But I'm just so tired of this arguement .it was a 30?year old thread bare sleeping bag . I've apologised , I binned it, ,
How can I get him to move on

OP posts:
FrozenMargarita17 · 15/04/2019 23:21

Talking of boxers with holes in, my dh is the same. 'They're expensive so I'll keep them!' 'Yes but you LITERALLY do not need to take them off to have a shit - throw them away!'

FrozenMargarita17 · 15/04/2019 23:25

Spoiler alert: they are still in use

MitziK · 16/04/2019 00:08

DP isn't much of a hoarder although I haven't gone into the loft for years, but he is very reluctant to throw things out as replacements cost money, which we don't have.

Almost every pair of socks look like legwarmers and, not only is there a pair of boxers with a left bollock airing portal, there's one pair of cotton boxers that are so knackered, they look like a fucking stripey loincloth.

We've got to go shopping at the hellhole that is Primark tomorrow as he's got an interview, but no suit or shoes that don't have soles that flap around like kippers tied to his toes, so I am chucking two multipacks of socks, two of boxers into the basket and, so help me, I am hunting down the bollock airer and loincloth and burning the bastards before he hides them back in the chest of drawers.

Alwaysgrey · 16/04/2019 19:18

My dad is horrendous for hoarding that said so is his mother and sister. His sister once complained when they let out their holiday home that someone had stolen her (was free for a magazine) powder puff (she’s married to a V wealthy man). My mum tries to chuck old clothes in the bin. We’re talking stuff with lots of holes and my dad digs it out. He has a double garage plus loft full of stuff and a loft full of stuff plus he’s migrated his stuff into the spare bedrooms they have. My mum says it’s like he has a mental illness. My dh isn’t terrible but he’s lazy at getting rid of stuff.

Rockhopper10 · 16/04/2019 19:24

I've been dying of laughter.....it is indeed the thread that keeps on giving

Nearly47 · 16/04/2019 19:34

I believe that personal property should always be respected. I am not a hoarder but my husband will trow everything out if allowed. For example he quite a few times recycled/ bined papers that I needed.Gave away school uniform that was to be worn by younger sibling. Have away a pair of boots I had left near the recycling bin by chance. Kids favourites toys. The list is endless. I had a big blow out when once he bined my paper driving license. I found it in time before the recycling was sent out. So the rule is he is never to throw out anything that belongs to me without asking first. He goes through purging phases and will give away half of his wardrobe only to have buy very similar stuff all over again. Confused

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 16/04/2019 19:50

Did he lose his virginity in it or something

^^This. Hence never been washed, weird odour... All fits together. It's his shag bag.

Richmond1972 · 16/04/2019 19:53

does your sister not have any photos of your nieces trip? just to prove she used a different sleeping bag

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt · 16/04/2019 19:57

My DH has shredded and composted my driving licence by accident...he also is still wearing boxers given to him by an ex-gf and we've been together since the middle 90's!

MrsMozartMkII · 16/04/2019 20:03

I may have just put a set of bike leathers, unworn, that I may have had for 12 years, in the charity shop pile off the back of this thread... ShockBlushConfused

As for the sleeping bag and your DH's fond attachment, tell him if he keeps it up he'll be needing the new one you bought him as he'll be sleeping on a park bench!

Original poster
CoffeeCoffeeTea · 16/04/2019 23:36

jesuscabbagevan now I'm so happy I binned the sleeping bag .

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 16/04/2019 23:51

I appreciate that OP's DH is in the wrong for accusing his niece of stealing a manky sleeping bag and going on and on about it. I also appreciate that hoarding is a big problem.
However, I'm not particularly impressed by people who like to throw away other people's belongings without asking, just because they 'hate clutter.' I tend to think people in minimalist houses probably have fairly empty minds, too.

CassandraCross · 17/04/2019 00:06

The reason for the sleeping bag disposal wasn't 'clutter' SGB neither is throwing out holey underpants or socks.

EL8888 · 17/04/2019 00:13

Sorry this made me laugh out loud. I would tell him to get over it and stop banging on about it. Or get him a new one if that will help

ForksintheRoad · 17/04/2019 00:44

OP do you think your DH's sleeping bag is a sort of 'blankie' that has its own 'special' smell, so that he never wants it washed like a toddler would??

MitziK · 17/04/2019 00:57

And the bollock airer and loincloth are no more!

As soon as we got home from getting his interview suit (and shirt, and socks, and boxers, and shoes), he went in search of the things, so I didn't even need to say a word about them going in the end.

He's learning. Smile

Ringsender2 · 17/04/2019 01:30

Good luck @MitziK DH

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 17/04/2019 01:34

Well I cleared out the balcony today and after 6 years I've had enough and chucked one hi vis jacket, two car head rests,two car thingies and a welcome mat.

The cars are long gone and dead,the jacket has been rained,snowed and whatever else on. Lovely spider nest too. The welcome mat was here when we bought the flat and the HA decided two years ago it was a fire risk. No I didn't ask.

AlexaAmbidextra · 17/04/2019 02:31

I tend to think people in minimalist houses probably have fairly empty minds, too.

There’s a rather broad spectrum between hoarding and minimalism. There can be a happy medium you know.

ComedicCat · 17/04/2019 02:49

Bloody hell, this thread has had me in stitches Grin

On a serious note your dh needs help op.

Nearly47 · 17/04/2019 07:37

Some of the posters here 'sounds' as mother's talking about their childrenHmm

ralfeesmum · 17/04/2019 10:57

It appears he has invested an unusual amount of emotional attachment in the (now gone forever) sleeping bag.

Maybe a short course of CBT might be required?

Or else he's got a mean streak that dictates to him that an old, mangy, grubby & grotty sleeping bag STILL has years and years of use left in it......wow!

Dilligaf81 · 17/04/2019 11:12

Hoarding is recognised as a mental health condition and is rarely diagnosed as a stand alone issue. There is no 'cure' but sometimes an apithany (Sp) if say they hurt themselves need an ambulance and they cannot get into the property safely so call the fire brigade but that's obviously not common. You really do have my sympathy as trying to explain with reasons and fact will not change him as he has an un natural attachment to items as if they were a physical part of him.

justasking111 · 17/04/2019 12:57

Hoarding is different to being unusually attached to a crummy item ffs.

I know a hoarding family have been in their house, we are not talking about a sleeping bag but rooms stacked to the rafters with newspapers, magazines, rooms filled with bags of gawd knows what. A family cooking on a baby belling because there is no room for anything else.

MitziK · 17/04/2019 14:36

Hoarding really isn't, @Justasking111.

The resentment, accusations and anger at something that has absolutely zero value are completely 'normal' for hoarders. They don't all have an attachment to newspapers or magazines - some focus on one particular area, such as kitchen equipment or clothes, some on shoes, some on tools and some on food, but some on a wide range of things, including buying extra 'storage' furniture. Being unusually attached to an item is the whole point - the difference is whether this is stopped straight away or allowed to continue.

The behaviour escalates over time, so whilst one of the first things might be somebody going ballistic over using 'the good scissors' to cut a single loose thread on a shirt and constantly going on about it, fifteen years later, there are 85 sets of scissors, 45 sets of kitchen knives with scissors and 32 rolls of aluminium foil scattered around the kitchen and living room and the 'reason' for needing so many is that YOU RUINED MY GOOD SCISSORS in 1982.

Knowing a family is very different to being stuck in one.

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