Hurt because my 75 year old dad married in secret and has signed his entire will over to his new wife.

[Easyroad]

My dad is 75 and i am 46. I’m an only child and parents have been separated since i was 18. Dad has been through 3 serious relationships since then plus various dalliances. His current has been going for 12 years and is 73. She moved in about 10 years ago - sharing his house where I grew up and renting out her own house miles away.

in the early days of their relationship I was very very happy he had found her and she was kind and attentive and lovely to be around - and very kind to my two small children. She has no children of her own but has treated her two adult nephews as sons - giving them much love and financial support.

In past 3 years she has grown remote and it has felt almost as if a switch has flipped and our links with her have stopped. this has made life hard - my kids love her and my dad is reluctant to do things without her so we see him less and less despite him being only a mile away. They do see her adult nephews a lot more - neither have kids.

I was always very close to my dad - he is lovely but also quite child-like and always very consumed by his relationships and I have often felt out in the cold until relationships have ended and then our closeness has tended to return.

1 year ago I told him he needed to find legal help to sort out a will - his existing one left everything to me - but I was conscious of his partner’s security - living in his house and being vulnerable. I was trying to do the right thing for her. They did seek advice from a solicitor. Now I'm regretting it!!!

Today my dad asked to meet with me in a cafe and told me 1) they married in secret - they did this to enable him to pass on my inheritance to me without being stung by tax (?but you'll see in a moment this doesn't seem to make any sense - it does benefit her however I think?). They say didn’t want to marry it was just for tax reasons and that i must keep this a secret from everyone - especially my two kids (who would be delighted). 2) they have decided to leave everything i.e. his estate to her - he will have two wills - the second will say she must pass his estate to me when she passes away.

I am confused and unaware of the legal reality of any of this - but my initial feelings are to be hurt. I feel alone with the knowledge that they married as I can’t tell anyone. I am in a spin about the new status of their relationship. I feel left out and sad that I couldn’t be part of this. And I am facing the truth (one I wasn’t aware of till now) which is that I don’t really trust his new wife to respect his intentions regarding his will. Finally I am afraid of what will happen after he dies - will it fall to me to liaise with her about the will? What if she has to release all the equity in order to fund her own care? Her own house will be left to her nephews - will she sell this before she dips into my Father’s estate? Euch.

Is this a mess or am I being a bit of a baby? I know I need to get over this and take a more thoughtful view but for now I cant I feel so upset. AIBU???

So, if your df passes, the wife will inherit the house and any money, whilst having her own house rented out. She’ll be sitting pretty, especially if she has children herself as they’ll inherit it all. He can’t have a second will stating that if she dies everything goes to you.

Just a thought but doesn’t your dad have full mental capacity? Is there any buggies there that you think he may not?

Sorry but his estate is now her estate - and if she’s close to her nephews or other family (possibly future partner etc) then why on earth will she leave anything to you? By your account, although you’re friendly, she isn’t close to you/your daughters so it doesn’t really make sense that she will leave you much in her own will but rather her nephews etc. She isn’t legally obligated to follow the second will at all.

Just make sure that you dad is aware that there is a possibility that she won’t leave your side of the family anything at all with the will as it currently stands.

No. If he died without a will, as he's married, HALF of his estate will go to his wife, (up to a certain amount I think) and the other half, divided between any children. It doesn't all go to his wife.

Not true. My Mum died, she knew she was dying. She HAD written a will stating that her half of the house was to be split between me and my brother but Dad could stay in it as long as he wanted. If he sold it (or it was needed for care home fees) then my brother and I would get a quarter each. Mum did this as she wanted to ensure the estate wouldn’t be used up on care home fees. Dad declared her intestate so EVERYTHING went to him. He has since remarried and his wife has VERY expensive tastes so all money is gone.

Could you ask to see the will/s? I know you said he saw a solicitor, but it doesn't necessarily follow that the sol. drew up the will.

The fact that he said he had 2 wills makes me wonder if he's used those awful diy wills.

I'm pretty sure that except in special circumstances, getting married invalidates all previous wills - so I doubt you are still a beneficiary. Hopefully your father is still of "sound mind".

Good luck.

Dad declared her intestate

How? if a valid will was written then surely that would have been followed.

Can you not talk to your dad again and ask him to have a re-tihnk or clarify if he intends for you to inherit the house? If so, he can write a new will giving his wife a 'life interest'. Also, ask who witnessed the will and who the executors are.

My siblings and I had a similar situation with our DF who remarried. His wife totally blanked us at the funeral and went NC afterwards. My siblings and I made enquiries about the will and it turned out DF had made the will BEFORE they were married and therefore the will was revoked, in effect he died intestate.Turns out under Irish law that the spouse gets two thirds and the children receive a third. She's raging, this shows her intention was never to include us in her will even though this was dad's expressed wish

I think people who are like this suck tbh. So his step children are more likely to inherit than his real children (if he has any). Nice.

I'm not a lawyer but surely you can't just declare someone intestate. If someone has a valid will, they are not intestate.

I agree that the way described by gerispringer is the sensible way to behave. It's what my father and stepmother did.

I’m amazed that anyone is okay with this.
If anything happened to my dh and I remarried, I’d still want my dc to inherit my/our estate.

Like others, I wonder whether the 'two wills' thing is actually him leaving his share in trust for you, with his wife having an interest until she dies.

He "should" be able to leave his money to whomever he likes - I hope his will has been arranged to ensure that this happens. I would be very blunt with him OP and point out that if he has left it all to his wife then she is under no obligation to do anything. If he seems unsure then I would offer to take him back to the solicitor who drew up with the wills on his own, for clarification. Seeing as how he's apparently comfortable with secrecy

My dad died when I was in my early 20s, now 46. My mum remarried in her 60s, and her husband lives in what was my childhood home with her. If she dies before him, he has a lifetime tenancy (I know that’s not the correct term) and the house would then pass to my siblings and I on his death. I think there is a nominal sum written into her will that we would get on her death, plus grandchildren. My mum’s husband owned his own house, which was sold, I don’t know what happened to that money, but they live a very extravagant lifestyle, and tbh I expect they will sell the house and downsize soon - my mum struggles with the stairs, for one thing. I have no expectation to inherit anything!

A bit more thought.

Assuming he has as lot more than 650K say - then if he left it to you when he died, you would pay 40% IHT on any excess over the Nil rate band. £650K plus

If he leaves it to his new wife. then there is no tax for the moment - so if she then "gives" you everything, you avoid tax. Legally she would need to live for seven years. Also she might not do it, and then it disappears off into "her" family.

If he has more than he needs he could give it to you anyway without waiting until you are all old anyway. I think a lot of people are just reluctant to part with "their" possessions, even when they will never need them.

I doubt if there is much you can do, unless you think he wasn't of sound mind when he got married.

I would really see a solicitor to make sure you understand what you can do, if anything.

To add insult to injury their step-father had named one of them as executor.

You can't be forced to be an executor. The named person can decline. Think then a solicitor has to be appointed to do it. I would do this in the above scenario and at least make them fork out for the trouble of inheriting.

@BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou

Your mother's estate must have been below £250K then. I was getting muddled up with the half of the estate, because it depends on how much the estate is. This is how it goes:

The highest existing and surviving relative will take priority – for example, if the deceased has a surviving spouse or civil partner, all of the estate will be passed on to them, unless the value of the estate exceeds £250,000.
If the estate is worth more than this, and the deceased had children, the spouse or civil partner will keep all assets up to £250,000, as well as any of their possessions. Of the remaining value of the estate, the spouse or civil partner will be entitled to a life interest in half – the rest will be split between the deceased’s children, or their grandchildren if the children have already died.

Copy and paste from here.

There has to be a backstory to the 'declaring her intestate' post.

I assume what happened was one of the following:

• mother made a will, but never signed it and/or never got it witnessed - so it wasn't valid and she died intestate

• mother made a will but then changed her mind and destroyed it, so did indeed die intestate

• mother did make a valid will but her widower destroyed it and relied on his children not going to the police to keep the family peace while they were all grieving for their mother

I understand that having the money bequeathed to your father's wife rather than yourself is hurtful, however for your own sanity I think it would be best to just accept that you may not receive much/anything financially when he passes.

I have no idea what my parents have put in their will (or if they've even made a will at all!). It's not something I think about, and I don't expect any financial return when they pass. But I would be devastated if I couldn't keep a few choice meaningful items from their house (e.g. photos, videos, crockery, bedding) that I could keep to remember them by.

Perhaps you could make this your primary focus? Ensuring that you are left to at least some of your father's possessions once he passes, and that this is stated in his primary will?

As his surviving long-term partner, your father's wife should have the right to remain in the same house and in the same financial situation she would be in if he were alive. So to me it makes sense that he would bequeath the bulk of his estate to her.

Ask him for a copy of the paperwork, OP. You can't have two wills and you have no influence on her will - even if they have mirror wills at the moment, the surviving spouse could change theirs to anything after their partner's death.

OP, do you feel able to meet up with your father again and ask him why he changed his will, because his wife could spend all the money and leave you with nothing to inherit - has he simply changed his mind? And why does the wedding have to be kept secret (he is right about the tax benefits though), that is a bit of a mystery!

Is it still possible to leave properties in trust for someone?

Thought that that was seen as a way of not having to pay care home fees (if necessary).

I'd be hurt not to have been invited to the wedding but I wouldn't be hurt whatsoever by him getting married to ensure his long term partner was secure. She's the one that's there every day and sharing the burden of looking after a house etc in the older years which isn't always easy. His money his choice, it's not yours.

2 wills? There are mirror wills where each spouse leaves everything to each other but it still means that if he dies first, having left it all to his wife then legally his wishes end there. Children can only contest a will if they are children, not adults.

This has happened in my extended family - everything left to the stepmother who then left almost everything to charity. She knew the wishes of her adult stepchildren and had no near relatives of her own. They took legal advice but were unable to do anything. It was their father's choice - he made no effort to include them in his will as he was a cruel selfish man. Legally it was the stepmother's money to do with as she wished. I'm afraid that this does not look good.

You really need to chat with him, with someone else present- maybe a solicitor. You don't want to be accused of pressuring him, but you do need to be sure he understands the arrangements he has made.

Ask him up front "have you decided you want to leave everything to your partner, and not leave anything to me? I'm not angry, I just need to know so I can plan."

She has no legal compulsion to pass anything to you unless she is a life tenant of your fathers estate

I don't think you can have 2 wills but you certainly can leave someone something and then dictate it is passed to someone else following their death in the original will.

My grandad left my aunt his house with the stipulation that when she dies the house is shared between his other children. However, as she had a will her son knew nothing of my grandad's will and the executor of the will has yet to release the deeds of the house saying my aunts son has a claim as a tenant in common - 16 years later. The wills were both reviewed by specialist barristers as they were intertwined and also by a legal team at a university. All that time my mum has had to pay for the upkeep, renovations, underpinning, pay out her sister, council tax, insurance etc.

It certainly can be done but it does leave a mess in its wake. We are currently planning on dealing with legal ombudsmen to reclaim money paid out for this house when there is no end in sight and no name on the deeds. My mum is mid-70s now and is having to pay for 2 houses on a pension as it continues.