To be completely confused by separate finances??

[Oohgossip]

Hard hat donned, ready to be flamed...

I just don’t get separate finances, particularly when you’re married with kids. I know it’s none of my business, and don’t care what others do financially, I’m just flummoxed by the idea of not having joint monies.

It may be the way I was brought up, but honestly in real life I know hardly anyone who DOESN’T have joint finances if you’re married with kids. It wasn’t until I’d been around here for a while that my eyes were opened to this whole other world

‘I had to ask my partner to get the food shop this week as the electricity bill that I pay for was higher than expected’
‘My dh said he’d treat me to a takeaway this week’
‘I can afford an expensive holiday but dh can’t, what should we do?’
‘I’m a sahm and dh gives me an allowance’
‘We split things 75-25 do you think this is reasonable’

Etc etc...baffles the life out of me!!

It seems so confusing...how do people work out who pays for what, who puts what in and takes what out, fractions, percentages etc etc

We put everything we earn in one pot and everything comes out of there. Very simple and straightforward. Unless one of you has an issue with money (ie very bad with it) why wouldn’t you have all things equal in a marriage???

For what it’s worth, dh and I have earned different amounts over the time we’ve been together - sometimes he’s earned substantially more, sometimes me - but not once has either of us questioned what we take out of the pot. We’re a team!

*‘We split things 75-25 do you think this is reasonable’

That can be entirely reasonably if one person earns 75% of the household income. Much fairer than splitting 50:50 in that case.*

In our 30+ years together we have had a few years where I was the sole earner and then 15 years where DH was the sole earner. A 100:0 split really wouldn’t have worked 😆.

We’ve had joint current account since we bought our house. Admittedly all our savings are in my name only, originally for tax purposes and now partly because we can’t be bothered to change it. Of course he must trust me as there is (for us) a LOT of our family money in my name only and he has no access to it. We should change it just in case anything happens to me really....

We had friends who were married but actually used to say things like “I put £10 of petrol in the car but you drove to football so you owe me £4” or used to split the bill between them when eating out. To me that is strange but I’ve had over half my life sharing everything with DH and can’t imagine it any other way.

So your OP could have read "AIBU to think joint finances only makes sense if you have a sitcom style nuclear family, no history of financial problems and no history of controlling or abusive relationships?" ?

Were you trying to be goady?

You’re really not understanding what I’m saying.

If someone earns £75k and someone earns £25k, I’m saying that some couples split a £1k a month mortgage £500 each. That penalises the lower earner for being in a lower paid job. I think it’s fairer that the higher earner pays £750 with the lower earner paying £250.

As I said, dh and I are fully joint.

Up until recently we had a bills ac and food ac and transferred equal amounts into it. I got promoted & significant pay rise and got pregnant, we will have childcare costs soon and if we continued the 50:50 split for bills, food, childcare, my DH wouldn’t be left with much but I would. We now have a joint ac where we both have access to all money. Works better now even though generally i’m more of a spender week to week but DH has no issue with that.

We have separate finances. Works for us. But we both earn the same which evens it all out. We split the cost of holidays. We don't have a mortgage. I pay for food and kids stuff he pays for electric etc. It works for us!

We have a joint account where all the bills/mortgage/boring stuff gets paid from. DH earns shedloads more than me, so basically I pay a piddling amount in and he puts in a lot more. We are both left with roughly the same amount of ‘fun money’. It’s not an exact science but it works for us.

Might sound silly but a big plus for this is that we can keep surprises a surprise - ie birthday & Christmas presents aren’t blabbed off on the joint account.

We have separate finances. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to get that some people live differently to them? We're just as married committed, blah blah blah as can be thanks very much.

We have a joint a/c for bills/mortgage/joint expenses. We divvy up stuff we pay for which is family stuff (I pay for groceries, he pays for childcare for example). Then we keep our own money.

This way I can be a neurotic saver, he can be a high earning spender and we don't get into arguments. I'd hate to have a joint account. As long as neither of are getting into debt or screwing each other over....

We are married with children and have separate personal accounts.

We have a joint account which we both pay into which covers all the bills. We pay in based on our income so when I was on mat leave DH paid everything in, when I returned to work we discussed how we'd split costs. Presently he pays more into joint than I do as I pay childcare. He pays for food shop but I often go and get bits and bobs, things aren't so rigid that if I did a £50 shop he'd give me the money etc. There's been the odd time where he's noticed I've bought loads (DC birthday parties etc) and said 'I've sent you some money because you seem to have been buying loads'. I tend to order all clothes for dc but if I've spent lots that month I would send him a link and ask him to order it. He just would, no quibbles.

I love the 'dh bought me this' type element. DH was 40 recently and I bought him a fancy watch that he'd always wanted. It was thousands and he had no idea as I'd been putting money aside for a while. Equally when we got engaged/married he bought my rings from his money and he's surprised me with a weekend away for our anniversary.

We aren't wealthy but are financially stable - neither of us has any debts or huge savings. We have never argued about money - I think this is because we both think things are fair.

We have a joint account for bills and keep seperate accounts. I wouldnt want it any other way. It works for us. We are still very much a unit. We never argue about money.

I had a joint account with my exh it was a nightmare and when we split up it was even worse! I couldn't use the account or close it or open another. I would never do it again. My dh and I have separate finances it suits us both even though he is the higher earner . We have never ever argued over money.

We've always had separate bank accounts. There's no issue at all. DH pays most of the household bills out of his account, the main food shopping and things like clothes and holidays usually comes out of mine. We also have a pot of cash that we both top up, and that is used for day-to-day odds and ends. It works fine.

If there is a really big purchase, whichever one of us has more savings will pay, or we'll both put some towards it. We both regard it all as 'family' money, whoever earned it, and will just give the other one some money if needed.

DP is a saver and I'm a spender so we have our own and just split days out and house spends

Me and DH have seperate finances. We sat down and worked out bills, so we both pay about the same. It works for us, married 31 years. I also have no idea of his income, and he has no idea of mine.

When we got married, Dh earned a tonne more than me, , (he has several businesses ). And I wouldnt have a clue how much he earns.

He put money into my account monthly. When I was a SAHM he topped it up, so I paid all the bills from this (my) account even big purchases like fridge freezer etc. I paid everything except the car servicing , repairs etc. and school fees. If I paid for a holiday he would write a cheque or transfer the cost back to my account.
Neither of us are spenders, no new clothes, rare days out. Most of the money is tied up in business but that's fine. He could give me his credit card but knows I wouldn't abuse it as I hate shopping!

We are separated now and he still puts money into my account, pays for my car, the school fees and pays my rent :)

I earn more, he spends more. I'm not sharing a bank account with anyone.

Hmm, people will probably find us strange but i have no idea what DP earns (self employed) Could do a rough guess. We have seperate accounts, one he probably doesn't know about. Each take on different bills/expenses depending on whos earning what, and it works so yes technically DP does "buy me a dress/takeaway" or me him. I have no wish to have joint account with anyone, i am able to enter his bank account if needed but haven't needed to.

I take it OP that you feel separate finances means a married couple aren’t ‘a team’ like you and your DH are? Trusting each other to manage our own finances makes my DH and I a team, and I love buying him presents (and vice versa) - last year I took the whole family on holiday abroad - I was proud to, and really loved doing it. aeroflotgirl has it right.

I agree op - I don't get it either. We put everything in one pot and whatever left we split for 'fun' money. If one of us does any overtime or gets a bonus or tax rebate for example, we put it in joint savings. Friends of mine have seperate accounts - he earns loads and has to 'lend' her money even tho she has gone part time to look after their 2 kids. Crazy

We're not married and have one kid. We don't have joint finances but we both have access to eachother's accounts if needed. OH pays for everything and I pay for DD's clubs, mine and her clothes,activities,any home improvements (last year it was wardrobes,new cabin bed for DD,sofa bed and a new mattress for us), Christmas,birthdays and holidays. Doing it this way also allows me to save quite a lot so when things go wrong I can cover it.
He earns about 5 times what I do, but has a lot of debt and is quite rubbish with money.

I think it’s an older view to have everything joint like you do. I’m 34 and everyone I know has a personal account and a joint account for mortgage, bills etc. I find it really odd regardless of how long you’ve been married or if you have kids that you’d put all money into one account. My salary goes into my account and I’ll transfer my half of bills to the joint account. We have a DC and another on the way.

So - can I ask those with all money in one ‘pot’ - how do you buy each other surprises?

Separate finances. Works just fine for us. It's just whatever suits people and, OP, as you so rightly say in you original post, it is none of your business.

Married, child and mortgage 10+ years and we’ve never had a joint bank account. I give DH X amount each month to go towards bills, which come out of his account, and the rest of my money is mine to spend as I choose. Any big purchases are paid for by DH (who earns a lot more than me) and I pay for food shops/days out etc. Meals etc are generally taken in turns. We’ve found it works for us and I couldn’t imagine spending my husband’s wage on myself.

Agree with PP - it is an older view to have everything shared financially.