Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I tell DP I am a former escort/prostitute

397 replies

LovelyIssues · 13/04/2019 10:08

So back story... aged 16 I moved out of home into a shared house. Working a crappy minimum wage job I quickly struggled with paying rent. Going "home" wasn't an option. Was introduced to becoming an escort by a "friend" and did it for the best part of a year. Fast forward 16 years and I'm happily settled down with DP, we have 2 DS and have just got engaged! Do I tell him about my former life before the wedding?

OP posts:
Tucobenedicto · 13/04/2019 15:18

Every single person who has posted on this thread have something they wouldn't tell anyone about...you are no different no matter what you have done...just get on with your life and let sleeping dogs lie...good luck.

Rezie · 13/04/2019 15:21

I think if you'd just met then I would encourage you to tell. But after being together for quite some time and having kids already, i would keep it to myself.

Flaxmeadow · 13/04/2019 15:35

I haven't read the whole thread

No I don't think you should tell him. It was a long time ago, you were very young, niave and vulnerable. However... What would worry me more is that at some point in the future your DH might ask you in a casual manner if you have ever been a prostitute, probably expecting you to say no. By ask in a casual manner, I mean say for example you are sat with him watching a TV documentary or news item about prostitution and he turns to you and asks 'have you ever done that'? I think you should consider now and prepare yourself for how you might reply.

Purpleartichoke · 13/04/2019 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BoglingToAswad · 13/04/2019 15:46

@Purpleartichoke Fuck off.

Vegasprincess89 · 13/04/2019 15:49

No!! Why on earth would you tell him?! Your past is your past and has absolutely no bearing on your relationship and future. You did what you needed to to survive, end off 🤷‍♀️

Ninkaninus · 13/04/2019 15:50

I think Purple is being a goody fucker. No one is actually that stupid.

HotpotLawyer · 13/04/2019 15:50

Fair enough Cupcake: if I found out that a friend of mine was as judgemental as you about a vulnerable young person who didn’t know what choices she had, and didn’t do anything to harm anyone else, I would drop them as a friend. So it would be best I knew.

Ninkaninus · 13/04/2019 15:50

Sigh *goady, obviously.

Ninkaninus · 13/04/2019 15:51

And actually laughing to myself at the stupidity of comments saying you should have divulged deeply personal information like that to people you’ve just met...

CalmDownPacino · 13/04/2019 15:53

Oh do shut the fuck up purpleartichoke.

BoglingToAswad · 13/04/2019 15:56

I think Purple is being a goody fucker. No one is actually that stupid.

I would hope so, but unfortunately I know from personal experience that people that ignorant do exist.

Burlea · 13/04/2019 15:56

No I wouldn't tell him not because your ashamed it's only what need does he need to know as long as you were careful in your sexual health and it was so long ago.

gauntletthrown · 13/04/2019 15:57

Absolutely not. It could change his whole view of you and it's not worth the risk.

The time to tell him was early on if you were going to, not now.

And you're not 'living with it' like you've committed murder like some here seem to imply. Leave it in the past where it belongs.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 13/04/2019 15:58

You should have told him during the talk about std risks and previous sexual partners that everyone should have before the first intimacy. Don’t they teach that in sex-Ed anymore?

You should have RTFT.

LizzieSiddal · 13/04/2019 16:00

If anyone told me they'd had to be an escort at 16, I’d feel absolutely horrified that they’d been in that position. However as this thread shows not all people think like that, so if you don’t want to tell him don’t.

I do hope you’re getting some therapy, as you’ve said you’re still finding your past life, difficult.Flowers

Knitclubchatter · 13/04/2019 16:04

Ive not read all the posts. Forgive yourself, be aware of how easy it is for young girls to get into that situation and advocate for better support.
But telling your partner won’t change the past and might change his views of you.

My vote is don’t tell.

Aridane · 13/04/2019 16:10

You should have told him during the talk about std risks and previous sexual partners that everyone should have before the first intimacy. Don’t they teach that in sex-Ed anymore?

It was 16 YEARS ago and she has had clear sex screenings since then!

Original poster
LovelyIssues · 13/04/2019 16:33

I of course made sure I was 100% clean throughout that year and ever since Hmm

OP posts:
SoHotADragonRetired · 13/04/2019 16:38

The sexual health angle gives certain people a really convenient cover for their basic feeling that having done sex work makes you morally dirty, Lovely. If you practised safe sex at the time and have had a clean bill of sexual health since, you owe your DP nothing in that regard. Clean is clean.

I hope you are finding it OK reading this thread; if it's distressing you, take a break or stop.

pinkyredrose · 13/04/2019 16:44

There's no need whatsoever for him or anyone to know. Put it this way, if he'd had sex with escorts yrs ago would you consider it his duty to tell you?

The only duty someone embarking on a sexual relationship has is to make sure they have a sexual health screening.

NameChangeNugget · 13/04/2019 16:44

It was and should stay in the past OP.

randomchap · 13/04/2019 16:52

One of the chaps I work with used to be an escort for similar reasons as op. Like many former escorts he has a few mental health issues that he links to his escorting days. He found telling his current bf really helpful as it helped his bf understand his mental health. Whether you should tell your partner is entirely up to you but in the one similar situation that I know about in real life it bought the couple closer together.

EngagedAgain · 13/04/2019 16:55

Pinky, good point.

DaiStation · 13/04/2019 16:56

Jesus the thought of a man buying a 16-year-old's body...makes me feel nauseous and also depressed at all the misogyny.

This was abuse. Many, many of us who have experienced it feel unable to tell the people we love most for a very long time: we internalise it as our fault and as something shameful. If my partner told me this, no matter how far into the relationship, there would be absolutely no way I'd be angry with him. I'd be pretty fucking angry with his parents, the men who were happy to buy his body and a society that shamed him to the point he felt unable to share the burden and had lived with it alone so long, but no way with him.

I'm so sorry you went through this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread