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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is there such a huge discrepancy between the school day/school hols and the majority of workplaces

339 replies

Lifeisbeaut · 13/04/2019 09:18

Just returning to work after a career break and trying to work out the logistics of school pick ups, how to manage school holidays whilst minimising the children being passed from pillar to post without routine. It’s not manageable or affordable.
I wish more employers offered term time only or proper part time options. I feel like what’s the point in going back to work when I will barely see my children and I’m barely bringing much more money in. Whoever said we could have it all was lying (unless I am missing something?)

OP posts:
angstridden2 · 13/04/2019 22:35

How is this funded!

Vulpine · 13/04/2019 22:37

Become an employer and change things

Aria999 · 13/04/2019 23:19

@Inliverpool1 what's your field?

I increasingly feel that society (I.e all of us including non parents) needs to step up. Why should childcare costs and logistics fall only on parents?

People who don't have kids will still need products and services when their generation is retired. Having kids is for the continuation of humanity not just for the parents benefit.

Vulpine · 13/04/2019 23:22

You don't have to have kids

Aria999 · 13/04/2019 23:28

But if nobody did that wouldn't be great would it?

Except for misanthropes who think everything would be better if the human race was extinct.

Aria999 · 13/04/2019 23:29

(I know there are several of those on MN, I guess we may see them shortly).

edwinbear · 13/04/2019 23:32

TooStressey I disagree. I also went to an all girls, private school who told me I could have it all - I suspect we both went to GPDST schools? I work 10 hrs a day in a challenging, successful and satisfying, investment banking role, which means the DC can also go to private school. I have great 7am-6.30pm school wrap around, who also run a holiday club. I feel that I do have it all and teach DD (7) that so can she.

TooStressyTooMessy · 14/04/2019 03:32

edwin, not a GPDST school but the ethos seems very familiar from a quick look at their website.

Part of my problem was career choice. I’m in healthcare but this could apply to anyone in any 24/7 job. Overnight paid childcare is hard to come by so with a DH also working shifts and no family help then childcare can be a nightmare or non-existent. You can work opposite shifts and I know plenty of people who do so but that comes with its own problems. At no point did anyone ever talk about family friendly hours and career choice in that way.

I went to a school reunion in the last few years. There were plenty with high flying careers but they had moved back to live near their parents to help with childcare, which is one way of dealing with it and the problems listed in the OP.

Anyway, I’m glad it’s worked out for you and nice to hear there are some occasions where you can have it all.

AlexaAmbidextra · 14/04/2019 04:53

I increasingly feel that society (I.e all of us including non parents) needs to step up. Why should childcare costs and logistics fall only on parents? People who don't have kids will still need products and services when their generation is retired. Having kids is for the continuation of humanity not just for the parents benefit.

As a child free person who has worked and paid tax solidly for almost fifty years without a break, I have paid, without complaint may I add, many thousands of pounds towards your children’s education and healthcare. And now you want me to pay for your childcare too? Hmm

Vulpine · 14/04/2019 04:59

Alexa - completely agree, and I'm a parent

Aria999 · 14/04/2019 07:02

I also paid tax as a non parent for many years and am perfectly happy paying for my own childcare thanks.

I more meant that whenever someone suggests how things could be restructured to make things less of a nightmare for working mothers there are always people bitching about how we can't afford it and why should non parents pick up more anti social shifts, etc.

I increasingly feel well, why shouldn't we just prioritize a bit differently?

This doesn't impact me personally.

Aria999 · 14/04/2019 07:14

I guess I'm objecting to the 'suck it up' attitude you get in a lot of posts. Other countries manage. If it were seen to be important enough I expect we would sort something out.

SnuggyBuggy · 14/04/2019 07:17

Nothing is going to change if we go with the "I split all my leave with DH and stressed myself out asking for a load of CF favours and spent a fortune on crappy holiday clubs and I don't see why anyone else should have it easier"

Why shouldn't we want better

SoupDragon · 14/04/2019 07:42

why should non parents pick up more anti social shifts

Well, why should they?

And there are more important things the government should be funding other than childcare.

tomhazard · 14/04/2019 07:49

Your thread title is ridiculous - of course all business cannot run between 9-3 term time only. The economy would come to a grinding halt.
Perhaps you mean, why can't employers offer more flexible working arrangements?' Or 'isn't it hard work to arrange childcare around work- please could I have advice on how working parents sort this out?'

Children being in school for school hours, term time only isn't news. You have 4-5 years to think about it after their birth and sometimes it involves sacrifices of both time and money. I say this as a working parent.

Phineyj · 14/04/2019 08:38

Yes, it generally (not always) involves sacrifices of time and money on behalf of mothers and of other women (other mums, grandmas, teachers, low-paid women in charge of breakfast and after school clubs). Let's not pretend men are equally affected by this problem. It is so frustrating to discuss it when it always seems to come down to 'selfish women' (with a side order of 'selfish parents'). I will say it again, although no-one is listening. All these trained, educated women making do/trading down jobs/not seeking promotion/leaving the workplace entirely (and being told whatever decision they make is selfish) is a massive waste of human capital and reduces tax revenue at a time the UK can ill afford it. We cannot fix this system until we look at our crappy double standards.

Inliverpool1 · 14/04/2019 08:51

Phineyj - capitalism works on a percentage of people being unemployed. Unemployed men are harder to manage, men don’t need much generally speaking. So an unemployed or underemployed woman is the ideal solution

honeylulu · 14/04/2019 09:11

Regarding the childcare issue, you just have to arrange and pay for wraparound care, like you did when they were at nursery.

Regarding employers it's not their problem. If jobs need doing all year round, employers can't really accommodate people who don't want to work outside school hours/ terms because of a lifestyle choice made to have children. I work in litigation and it's a full time job, it just doesn't work any other way.

Regarding "having it all", you can. Men can have careers and children without sacrifice. So can we. Use wraparound care. Mine seem none the worse for it. Do you think men agonize over not "being there" enough for their children because they work full time? If you prefer to work less and spend more time with your children, good for you, your choice. Own it. Your employer doesn't have to.

orangejuiced · 14/04/2019 11:38

The world is already over populated with humans. I'm really happy I have children but I accept I have to pay for wraparound care and holiday clubs to enable me to work, i know it can be a headache to organise (single mum, no family help) but it will get easier as they get older.

LaurieMarlow · 14/04/2019 11:58

And now you want me to pay for your childcare too?

Our economic model depends on children being born. Other people’s children will fund your pension via tax, wipe your arse in the nursing home and treat you in hospital.

I’ve funded most of my health needs via private insurance, but I’ve no issue paying for the nhs because that’s how society works and I’m not an arsehole.

LaurieMarlow · 14/04/2019 12:07

Families need to be looked after (not just children, elderly relatives too), houses need to be run, people also need time to themselves.

These needs are in opposition to what businesses require from you as an employee (working all hours god sends).

I think more needs to be done to redress the balance towards home life. I.e businesses offering more flex and part time work, heck even restricting people to their contracted hours. The model of full time working, 40+ hours a week is pretty punishing actually.

I’m not sure why society has decided to prioritise business needs over everything else, but I would like to see that change. I agree it’s a terrible shame to see so many highly qualified women leave the workforce, or work under their qualification level because balancing the needs of families and employment has become so god damn difficult. It doesn’t have to be this way.

AlexaAmbidextra · 14/04/2019 12:12

Our economic model depends on children being born. Other people’s children will fund your pension via tax, wipe your arse in the nursing home and treat you in hospital.

Oh, that old chestnut. As I have already done so for others for my entire working life. Please remember though that a proportion of other people’s children will grow up to not be useful, productive members of society but the work shy and criminal too, taking from society rather than adding to. Do you really think people have children out of duty to society? What bollocks. They have them for purely selfish reasons, because they want to.

I’ve funded most of my health needs via private insurance, but I’ve no issue paying for the nhs because that’s how society works and I’m not an arsehole.

As have I and no, I have never objected to funding the NHS either. And if, as you seem to imply, that you think I’m an arsehole for thinking the way I do then you can go fuck yourself. HTH.

LaurieMarlow · 14/04/2019 12:21

Do you really think people have children out of duty to society? What bollocks. They have them for purely selfish reasons, because they want to.

No, what I’m saying is you will need other people’s children for both financial and practical reasons when you’re older. That’s how society works.

By washing your hands of them now and declaring you have no obligation, you’re not playing your fair part in the social contract.

SoupDragon · 14/04/2019 13:12

Our economic model depends on children being born.

That's completely irrelevant to childcare

TooStressyTooMessy · 14/04/2019 13:36

Wraparound care does not help if you need to work later than 6pm or for nights and weekends.